His confession slices straight through me and I fall back against the couch, both of us content to sit in complete silence. When the heaviness finally begins to fade between us, he leans back and pulls me into his arms again. “I tried to come and see you the other day,” he tells me. “I’ve actually tried a few times but I talk myself out of it each time knowing you’ll just send me away. I got as far as the outskirts of Bellevue Springs yesterday.”
“Why didn’t you just keep going?”
“You needed time, Ocean. The things I’ve done … they’re not just going to go away. I’ve hurt you too much.”
“You have.”
“I’m glad you finally came around.”
“I didn’t,” I admit. “I wasn’t ready. I was content with letting you guys sweat it but Colton saw how much I was hurting and pushed me to come. He doesn’t like seeing me like that, but he was right. I needed to be here and fix what’s been broken.”
Nic raises a brow. “He sent you here to talk?” I nod and Nic lets out a frustrated breath. “I guess I can’t be mad at that, huh?” he grumbles. “I hate that you felt like you couldn’t come here though.”
“You lied about my dad, Nic. You murdered two guys in front of me and then became possessively jealous and hurt me. I needed time to breathe, but so did you.”
His hand drops to rest on top of mine. “I did,” he says. “I’m not going to lie to you anymore, O. I’m still insanely jealous. I hate that you’re with him and I hate the light that shines in your eyes whenever he’s around. You’re falling for him and I’m terrified that when that happens, you’re going to forget about us. I still stand by my word, O. You belong here with me.”
“I’m not so sure about that anymore,” I admit. “You are right though, I am falling for him, but where you’re wrong—I’ll never forget about you. You guys are my home, my family. Just because I’m away from you right now, doesn’t mean that I’m not still here.”
Nic makes a soft sound, clearly not agreeing with what I’ve just said. “He’s going to take you away from me.”
I shake my head against his warm chest as I listen to the sound of his beating heart. “No,” I whisper. “He knows you guys make me happy, that’s why he sent me here. Don’t get me wrong, he hates you. He could kill you for the way you’ve treated me over the past few weeks but he’ll never hold me back from you because he knows how much I love you.”
He grumbles under his breath and I let out a sigh, more than ready to move along. “Why did you lie about my father for all those years?”
“It wasn’t my decision,” he tells me. “It was your father’s and I respected it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Look,” he says, giving it to me straight. “I’m not going to sugarcoat it. Your dad wasn’t a great man. He was fucking sick and twisted in the head. He got off on killing people and that made him un-fucking-stoppable. He was the best at what he did and everyone knew it and because of that, everyone wanted him on their side and they would go to great lengths to make that happen. Why do you think my dad put us in your life? He wanted us close to you in case we needed to make a move. None of us expected that you would become the fucking world to us. It was supposed to be a business deal but you became family, and no, before you ask, I don’t regret it. I don’t regret lying to you, because in the end, it kept you hidden from that darkness and allowed you to live in a world where you thought everything was perfect. You had the sweet doting father and friends who would die to protect you. I was never going to take that away from you.”
“You’re making it really hard for me to hate you right now,” I warn him as my eyes begin filling with tears again.
“Good,” he says. “I don’t want you to hate me. I just want you to understand why. Surely you must know that none of us would ever hurt you purposely like that.”
“You could have told me that he sold me to Charles, or at least given me a bit of warning before letting me go there.”
“Believe me, Ocean. I did everything I could to keep you here with me. Fucking everything.”
“I know,” I murmur, recalling all the effort he put in to keep me at home, all the begging, the offers to move in, the desperation he felt. “Everything is so fucked up at the moment, but I feel like we’re finally coming out the other end. Charles and my dad are both gone, as well as Maryne, but the dust is finally starting to settle. I have Colton and some new friends while you have the opportunity to turn things around for the Widows, hell, maybe even do something good with it.”