The only reason Nicolai is behind me and not driving this car is because he’s training a group of new recruits, and he hasn’t been more than a car’s distance away from me the entire night.
“He loves you,” Laina says.
I smile to myself.
“He does. And I love him.”
She reaches for my hand and squeezes. “Someday, will you tell me everything, Marissa?”
I swallow hard. “Maybe someday.”
I’m not ready to talk about it. I don’t like to even think about it. I still dream that I’m held captive, and when I wake I’m covered in a cold sweat. He holds me, every time, tucked to his chest with his arms wrapped around me. Sometimes he hushes me, sometimes he gently rocks me. Sometimes he just tucks the blanket back around me, but what he says is always the same. “You’re safe, and I love you.”
You’re safe, and I love you.
Maybe those are the only two things anyone ever needs to hear. To feel. To know.
Knowing I’m safe and he loves me brings him as much comfort as it does me.
“It might help you to talk about it,” she says.
I shrug. “It might. Some people do better talking about things and others do better moving on.” I like to pretend that what I went through was a terrible dream. I like waking to my new reality. I place my hand on my swelling abdomen and smile to myself. I feel as if I’ve aged a decade in the past year, and I am more than ready for this new chapter in my life. Our new chapter.
Then I smile and give her a teasing look.
“It’s funny how much we have in common, you know.”
“Isn’t it?” she muses.
“We both had shitty fathers who deserved their demise,” I say, unable to mask the bitter note in my tone. Then I smile. “And we both ended up with fiercely protective cavemen.”
“Ah, you’ll tame your caveman over time,” she says sagely, reaching to the back seat to grab her bags.
“Really,” I say, giving her a sly grin. I don’t believe it. Rafael looks at Laina the same way Nicolai looks to me, as if she’s his world, and he’d do anything to keep it that way. I stifle a snort of laughter when Rafe knocks on her window and she jumps. She rolls it down and gives him a winsome smile.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” he says, but his voice is gruff and his arms are crossed on his chest. “Thought you’d be home an hour ago.”
“Well, we took a little detour,” she begins.
“Is that right?” he asks, cocking his head to the side. “And how many of those bags are yours, baby?” He nods to the back of the car.
“Um. Most of them?” she says.
“I called you three times,” he says. “Why didn’t you answer?”
“Oh, um, I had my phone on silent?” she says.
He literally reaches in the window, taps the lock, opens the door and unbuckles her, but I don’t miss the teasing glint in his eye.
I’m still giggling as he hauls her out of the car and she shoots me a parting grin.
Tamed her caveman my ass.
I squeal when a deep voice comes to my left.
“You do know stop signs are meant for you to actually stop at, don’t you?”
Nicolai stands on my side of the door with his arms across his chest.
“I stopped!” I protest, gathering up my bags. “A soft stop, but I stopped. And anyway, I thought you were following to protect me, not to police my driving.”
“You thought wrong,” he says. “And there’s no such thing as a soft stop.”
I give him a pout before I exit the car. I go to get the bags from the back and he gently pushes me out of the way and takes all of them.
“I can hold some of those,” I protest, even though he doesn’t listen to a thing I say and rolls his eyes at me.
“You carry nothing, little girl,” he says, giving my swollen abdomen a pointed look.
“Nicolai,” I say, rolling my eyes at him. “Pregnant women can carry things. They can lift heavy things. They can run marathons!”
“Not my pregnant woman,” he says.
“Damn right,” Rafael calls from the front porch to the compound. “You’re lucky he lets you out of his sight.”
“He doesn’t!” I retort.
Nicolai leans in, his eyes softening, as he brushes his lips across my forehead. “And why would I take my eyes off the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen? My wife?”
“Why thank you, husband.” We’re ridiculous sometimes, but I don’t care. We fought hard for what we have, and there’s no shame in unabashedly loving someone.
I waddle beside him, secretly pleased he’s so overprotective. I know why he treats me the way he does. He told me.
“I lost you once and will never lose you again.”
And I have to give him that. Just like I don’t ask questions when he does a job for his father, or he and Rafael leave together after receiving a message. I know that he seeks revenge for what happened to me, and that he will not rest until he’s duly punished those who hurt me. I don’t pry because the silent understanding between us holds fast. He won’t lose me again, and he won’t give anyone a chance to repeat their actions.