“I’m not on Evie duty. More like best friend duty,” she said, resting her arms on the table. “But I have helped them in the past.”
“Does that … scare you?” I asked, keeping my voice low. “I mean, people think you’re human, but if you get caught moving unregistered Luxen, it wouldn’t matter even if you were.”
“It’s … worrisome, but doing nothing to help these people is worse,” she said. “Here’s the thing, Evie. No one really knows where these unregistered Luxen go when they’re captured. Are they locked up somewhere? Kept in facilities? Killed? We don’t know, but what we do know is they’re not registered and released back into society. They’re never seen again.”
There was a naïve part of me that wanted to believe that the Luxen who’d been captured were out there, somewhere safe, because that was easier to live with. But naïveté didn’t equal stupidity. After all that I’d learned, I knew better.
I sat back, glancing over at the glass case of baked goodies as a man with two small kids entered. You do nothing but put us at risk. I squeezed my eyes shut briefly as Grayson’s words haunted me. “Can I help? I mean, with the packages?”
Zoe smiled at me as a curl fell across her cheek. “You already are helping.”
“How?”
“By being my best friend.”
“That is not helping.” Sighing, I tucked my hair back behind my ear. “I’m sure I can actually do something.”
Zoe leaned forward. “Being my best friend is helping. You have no idea what it means to be normal.”
Actually, I knew exactly what it was like to be normal.
“I grew up in a lab, Evie. My classrooms were white rooms with kids who were bred and designed to be the perfect soldiers. No family to speak of. I didn’t have friends to go to brunch with, because we couldn’t be friends—not when we had to fight against one another to prove that we were the best. And you had to be the best. If not, the consequences were … extreme.”
“Zoe,” I whispered, chest aching for her, for all of them.
“When Luc freed me, my life began, but I really didn’t know what life was until I met you and Heidi and James,” she said. Tears pricked my eyes as she continued, “When I’m at school or hanging out with you guys, I feel normal. I feel like I’m more than just whatever the hell I was created to be. You have no idea how much that helps.”
I reached across the oval table and placed my hand on her arm. “I know, and I’m glad I can give you that. It’s just that I don’t want to be a risk or useless, you know? I just want to be useful.”
Her gaze searched mine. “Why would you think you were useless or a risk? You’re one of the strongest people I know.”
“I appreciate the sentiment, but there is no way I’m one of the strongest people you know.”
“You found out the truth about who you are, your mother and me—and Luc. You dealt with a psychotic Origin, and you picked yourself up, dusted off your ass, and dealt with it. Most people, including my kind, would be rocking in the corner somewhere. Not only that, when you thought I could be hurt, you didn’t think twice before making sure I got out of harm’s way,” she reminded me. “You don’t give yourself enough credit. You know why? Let me tell you.”
Oh no. Zoe was about to rant.
“It’s all the bullshit ideals of strength being shoved in our faces. Movies. Books. Television. Magazines. You’d think that after the world almost ended, people would’ve gotten their lives right, but oh no. We still operate by the broke-ass ideology of girl power, but it’s only girl power if you’re an assassin.”
I sat back.
“What is that teaching us ladies? That if you’re not physically strong, if you can’t kick ass, you’re weak? That if you feel overwhelmed or emotional, you’re not strong? Or that if you aren’t emotional, something is wrong with you? That’s bullshit, and it’s unrealistic.” Her shoulders tensed. “Real strength does not exist in muscles or deadly skill. It exists in your ability to pick yourself up and keep going after the shit hits the fan. That’s strength.”
“It’s okay, Zoe. I completely agree.”
She exhaled heavily. “God, I’m superhuman, and even I’m like, can I just read a book or watch a movie where the girl is actually, I don’t know, a normal human being? And don’t even get me started on the whole ‘boy crazy’ or ‘girl crazy’ shit, because I will rant until the day I die about the internalized misogyny behind all of that.”
“Okay. Simmer down.” I patted her arm and then picked up my soda, taking a huge gulp. “People are starting to look at us.”