“You pooped on Ellis, Livvy,” I wrinkled my nose and made a ‘bleh’ face. “Not just a tiny bit of poop, but all over him. Dirty little daisy!”
When she burst out in peals of laughter, I felt another wedge of love hit me for this beautiful little human. I describe it as a wedge because it was like an anvil in a cartoon, but it slotted into the love I already had like a pie chart. Just when I didn’t think anymore could be added into the pie, here came another wedge and made it even bigger. I wasn’t being biased or vindictive when I said that she looked nothing like her father, she looked just like me and had the same features that I shared with Tabby. Every day those features became clearer, and I loved the fact she had part of her aunt in her, too, but the lack of her father was a mixed emotions subject for me. I hated that he was missing from her life and from her, but at the same time I was relieved. I didn’t want her to carry the features of someone who hadn’t wanted her – there we go, I said it. He didn’t deserve that honor.
Liv’s hair was dark like mine, and she had the same cleft in her chin that Tabby and I did. Green eyes were dominant, so of course she had those, but even her nose, and the shape of her eyes were like mine. It was a beautiful thing, looking down at your baby and seeing the same features as yours, and knowing that she also shared them with the aunt who had only been in her life for a year. Maybe it was a form of fate?
Shaking myself out of it, I carried her through to the bedroom and laid her out on top of a towel on the floor while I peeled my wet clothes off. Wet clothes were never easy, but wet Spanx? It was a hell like you’ve never experienced, and I swear I took a couple layers of skin off when I got the waist area of them down. I was an anxious mom when it came to heights and laying her down unless she had my full attention, especially now that she was becoming more mobile which was why she was on the floor as I did this. I’d had nightmares about her falling off the bed when I was pregnant with her, and I’d been frantically trying to find her under it and couldn’t. I guess that dream had stuck with me, so now I just didn’t take any chances. Not that she cared, she was happy to be able to roll onto her stomach and commando crawl across the towel. “Jose?” Ellis called outside the door just as I was rolling the Spanx down my thighs. “Yeah?” Before I could grab another towel or yell at him to hold tight the door was opening.
Peering around the corner, he caught sight of Liv first and grinned, then his eyes traveled up my legs, widening when they got to the top. Yup, these tummy containers will do that to you. “Uh, I was just going to ask if…,” he tipped his head to the side and frowned. “Those aren’t what you were wearing today?” he nodded at the control underwear that was cutting off the circulation in my thighs now that I had the waistband stretched across them.
Here I am, standing in just a bra and Spanx – and it was a nice lace bra to boot – and he focuses in on the bottom half? I wonder if Spanx came in lace or something sexy?
“They’re Spanx,” I explained, like he should know that. He blinked a couple of times, and then asked, “Excuse me?”
“Spanx,” I repeated. “They hold shit in.”
That was a poor choice of words given what had just happened with my daughter, but I didn’t realize that until he said what he did next. “They hold shit in? Did you see a doctor?”
When I realized what he was asking, I burst out laughing. Look, if you get caught in an embarrassing situation just go with it. There’s no use in losing your temper, crying, acting up – just go with it. Trust me, there’ll be worse in your future because that’s how life goes, so you have to learn to roll with those punches, which is what I was doing right now.
“No, not literal shit, but shit like this bit here,” I pointed to the middle of my stomach, “that is so fatbulous, it refuses to go away.”
He’d been frowning as he listened, and when I was finished, he asked, “Fatbulous?”
“Yeah, fat that’s fabulous.”
“Fat that’s fabulous…” he repeated and rubbed his fingers over the stubble on his chin as he thought about it. “I don’t see this fatbulous fat.”