No matter how I felt about her, I needed to think about what was best for both of them and if I was standing in the way of it. Grant wasn’t a fantastic guy, and I couldn’t see him being the type of husband and father I would want to be. But it wasn’t my place to decide that.
Even more, I had to think about where Lindsey’s head was in all this. Were her feelings for me something she thought was real? Or was I just a distraction? Did she feel like she needed to make up for me being there for her in some way? I hated to think that might be even close to a possibility. All her feelings seemed to be genuine. The time we spent together felt real. But I couldn’t get past her hiding so much from me. It was like there was an entire part of her locked away that I couldn’t access. If she didn’t trust me enough to know those things about her, how could we ever really share a life?
All those thoughts and struggles left me exhausted and emotionally frazzled. A few weeks after the last time Lindsey and I spoke, I made the very uncharacteristic move of taking a few vacation days away from work. The racing company always afforded a few weeks of vacation time for every year, but I almost never took any of them. There was always so much to do, and I really enjoyed my work. It never seemed to make sense to take time off unless there was something I needed to do for another of my businesses or the whole family was taking a vacation together.
But if there was ever a time when I needed a break from life, this was it. I told Quentin and my parents I needed some time to myself and that I would be back soon. Neither argued with me. Neither pushed me for a more specific return date. Everyone noticed I was going through something. They could all tell I was struggling, and it didn’t take too much insight to guess what it might be.
For the third day in a row, I was spending my day lounging by the pool in my backyard. I was working myself up to actually getting in the water when Charlie called.
He asked me to come in, and I wanted to turn him down. I wanted to say, “No, I can’t go because Lindsey will be there and she is going to hate me because I ghosted her.” But taking the coward’s way out because I was afraid of my own feelings didn’t seem like a viable excuse. So, I sucked it up, agreed to go, and left the house feeling like I was headed for the gallows.
Charlie hadn’t mentioned why he wanted me to come into the office, but I wasn’t surprised when I pulled into the parking lot and saw an unfamiliar luxury car. The personalized license plate gave it away that it belonged to Grant’s parents. By that point, I was all but convinced they were actually the ones who were behind the initial court filing in the first place. Not that Grant was a choir boy who fought desperately to prevent it, but he didn’t strike me as the type who would initiate something like that.
Not only would it require more effort than I felt he would put into something like that, but he didn’t seem to share the same level of distaste for Lindsey. He didn’t see her as an equal. That was clear. And he was extremely judgmental about her business and lifestyle. But he also seemed far more willing to accept how important she was in her son’s life.
In the end, I really didn’t know how it would all unfold. The situation was complicated and heated, and I didn’t know what my place was in it, if there was one for me at all. The worst part was the fear that held me back. If I allowed myself to fully lean into how I was feeling about Lindsey and the future I could see for us, I made myself vulnerable to possibly losing it all.
Grant’s parents and the lawyer representing their side were already in Charlie’s office when I stepped in.
“Vince,” Charlie said when I walked in. “Thank you for coming. Have a seat.”
Grant’s parents gave the same virulent glare I received at the hospital but didn’t say anything. They seemed to be on their best behavior in front of the lawyers. It wasn’t long before Lindsey walked in. Her steps faltered just slightly when she saw me. Our eyes met and my heart jumped in my chest. But she turned her shoulder to me and stalked to the other side of the office. It was what I absolutely deserved, but it still made my chest ache.