I meant it as an encouragement, a sign of optimism, but I was getting weird vibes from Ava. She hadn’t added anything to the conversation, and she felt tense and uncomfortable beside me. I chalked it up to still being upset about Tom and the agreement he drew up.
After lunch, we went back by Ava’s house so she could get ready for work. On the way to the bar, she was still quiet.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“It’s nothing,” she said.
“It seems like something. Are you still upset about Tom? Don’t let him bother you. You know that’s just how he is. You should understand. You’re business minded too. He just wants to make sure to protect the best interests of the bar.”
“I told you nothing’s wrong,” she said. “It’s not Tom. It’s not anything. I’m just… tired.”
She sounded confident it wasn’t Tom that was bothering her, and I believed her. Besides, she really did look tired. Exhausted, as a matter of fact. Like everything was just kind of drained from her.
“It’s been a while since you got sick. You should have been over it by now. Do you think you should go see a doctor?” I asked.
Ava shook her head. “No. That’s not necessary. I looked it up, and food poisoning can last for a week or more. Apparently, I just got a really bad bout.”
I wasn’t so sure that was actually her problem. This seemed like more than just the lingering effects of food poisoning. I had been through about it to myself once, and while I remember being pretty violently ill for a while, I didn’t feel so completely tired after.
But I had to trust her. Why would she lie to me?
“Is there anything I can do to help you?” I asked. “Can you think of anything that might make you feel better?”
“Not really,” she said. “I think just keeping up with the resting and getting enough fluids is what’s going to patch me back up.”
“Have you been getting your appetite back at all? You really didn’t eat much at lunch. Maybe that could be part of it. You’re not getting enough nutrients to get your energy back.”
“That’s probably it,” she said. “Come on. Let’s just go to work.”31AvaIt had been a little more than a week since I found out about the baby, and I was still trying to figure everything out. Mason was worried about me. He kept asking how I was feeling and had suggested two more times that I get in touch with the doctor. Every time he said it, I wondered if he was still suspicious. Maybe he had already come to the conclusion himself and just wasn’t saying anything.
But that wasn’t like Mason. He was more up-front than that. More honest. Apparently, unlike me. Him being so worried about me had made it more difficult to convince him not to stay at my apartment with me every night. He wanted to drive me to work, then drive me back home and stay with me to make sure I was doing alright.
His reaction to Tom’s comment about the complications of having a kid stuck in my craw and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I needed to figure out what I wanted and what I was going to do before I let him know. Not letting him stay at my place every night to watch over me meant I was driving myself into work the afternoon I found Stephanie sitting in the parking lot outside the bar. I groaned and braced myself before getting out of the car. I had been dodging her for a few days.
She kept calling to check in on me, but I knew what she was actually calling about was to find out how Mason had reacted to the baby news. Considering I hadn’t told him about it yet, I didn’t have an answer to that question. And to be completely honest, I didn’t want to have to deal with the drama that was about to come. When I finally did tell him, I knew it was going to be a pretty tough conversation.
I wanted to put that to the side for now. That was something future Ava could deal with. But if I answered Stephanie’s phone calls, or let her come over, or went out to lunch with her, it would be sitting right in my lap. No longer would it be the dominion of future Ava. The whole situation would be very much about the here and now. It would make it all the more real.
I wasn’t ready for that. Most of the questions I had been grappling with since the moment I found out I was pregnant we’re gone. If I was going to be completely open and truthful with myself, I would have to admit those questions barely even existed to begin with.