I didn’t want to hurt her. If she was having feelings for me again and thinking about us getting back together, telling her nothing could happen between us while she was working for me could be painful for her. I didn’t want to embarrass her or make her feel like she didn’t matter to me. I also didn’t want her to feel like I was somehow using her or taking advantage of our past with her working at the bar.
At the same time, that reaction was completely dependent on her feeling that way about me. It was entirely possible she saw our conversation at the barbecue at her parents’ house as a way for us to smooth over the past and move forward. I didn’t want to make a fool out of myself by assuming she would want me back when she wasn’t at that place at all.
I couldn’t even imagine how unpleasant that would be. If it seemed like things were weird between us now, trying to let her down easy when she didn’t need to be let down at all would bring it to a whole new level. Then we would have to keep working together, and that would be just miserable. thinking about the whole thing and all the different ways it could go poorly was giving me a headache and made it impossible for me to decide what I was supposed to do next. Which just resulted in me pretty much ignoring her.
I tried to convince myself that was a good tactic. If I just didn’t give myself the opportunity to be alone with her, then I wouldn’t have to deal with the situation either way. I could just keep up with the avoidance until I figured out how I was going to handle it clearly. That was the mature and adult thing to do and couldn’t possibly go wrong in any way. Denial certainly had its appeal sometimes.
Of course, that appeal went out the window when it came to actual execution of the plan. Skating around Ava wasn’t easy, and there was no way to do it without it being obvious. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that by the end of the night, she’d had enough of my bullshit and called me out for it.
Therein lay the downfall of my plan. I didn’t account for my brothers leaving me alone to do the closing work for the night. And I didn’t expect Ava to stick around to help. I was caught, and there was nothing I could do. Well, there was something I could do. I could have explained to her how I was feeling and the promise I made to Tom.
Especially after she brought up how I was acting and asked what was wrong with me, it would have been the perfect opportunity to clear the air and get us both on the same page. Of course, I didn’t take it. I punked out and used a lame excuse about having a hangover. It wasn’t a complete lie. All the drinking at the barbecue had caught up with me and there was a dull ache behind my eyes all day. But it wasn’t enough to warrant the way I was acting.
By the next day, things weren’t better. Ava had gone on the defensive. Rather than letting me ignore her, she took the initiative of ignoring me first. It should have been easier that way, but it wasn’t. I hated how it seemed so natural to her to just not say anything to me or even look my way.
It was a relief when halfway through the night, Brian came through the door. He looked around, obviously impressed by how much more business we had, and came up to the bar. He was smiling when he approached, but the expression turned to concern when he was a few steps away.
“You doing okay?” he asked.
I looked over at Matt, who was currently playing the role of human wall between Ava and me. “Keep an eye on the bar for a bit,” I said. “I’m going to have a drink and grab a bite with Brian.”
Matt nodded, and I went over to the kitchen to call an order for some snacks back to Jesse before heading over to one of the tables with Brian with two mugs of beer. I set one in front of him and let out a sigh as I dropped down into the other side of the booth.
“Boy, am I glad to see you,” I said.
My best friend took a sip of the beer and nodded as he set the mug back down on the table. “What’s going on with you?”
The table I chose was far enough away from the bar that Ava wouldn’t be able to hear what we were saying, even if she was trying to listen in.