Bambi.
So soft…
So warm…
So smooth…
She remained still the entire time. Her arms at her sides, and her back against the wall; she didn’t move or speak. As if she was taking me in as well. Maybe she knew what was about to happen… what she deserved.
I wanted to look at her one last time. To remember her just that way, her submissive gaze, her flushed complexion, the smell of her arousal and fear. Her beauty was endless. Always was, and always will be. I touched all over her exquisite bare skin. I removed the hand that was over her mouth, and touched along the lining her lips; the top and then the bottom. Her chest was rising and lifting with each second that passed. Tsunamis of emotions were in her eyes, and with each stroke of my fingers against her sensitive skin, I got to see the next one unfold.
I leaned in and caressed her cheek with mine, still running my finger along the crevices of her lips. “You want to hear a story?” I whispered and she bit her cheek.
I pushed in my finger, running it along her wet pink tongue, and clutched onto the back of her neck, needing her closer to my chest.
To my heart.
“There once was a man, who had fallen so desperately for this woman. A woman he thought he could save. You see… she wasn’t just any normal girl. She was special. He knew it the first time he laid eyes on her. He knew he wanted to look at her forever. She wasn’t what she appeared to be; a deer in headlights is what she reminded him of.” I started to trace the lining of her lips again. I didn’t want her biting her cheek; she wasn’t allowed to feel anything.
Other than what I wanted.
What I desired.
What I needed.
“They spent months together, neither one of them said ‘I love you,’ it was one of those things where it didn’t need to be discussed, they both just knew. She was as broken as he was, and maybe that was his allure to her all along. The gravitational pull that couldn’t be broken, it was too powerful. Much stronger than either of them could bear or understand.” I trailed my fingers from her lips to her chin, and down to her neck, moving them to the sides of her robe. The silk felt heavenly against my fingers, even though I knew I was standing in hell, with her securely placed in my arms.
“He made love to her…”
Blush radiated all over her naked skin, it felt like a volcano ready to erupt. I leisurely made my way down to the tie of her robe. I lingered there for a few seconds; it fell open effortlessly.
My hand gripped onto the back of her neck, and she startled as I settled my forehead upon hers. I wanted to look into her eyes like nothing else existed, but her. I deviously smiled, and tilted her neck so that her lips were now closer to mine. Centimeters apart. “But,” I breathed out and I could smell the mixture of bourbon and come. It made it that much easier to follow through. “She fucked him… she made him believe that there was more to her than just her venomous pussy. There wasn’t. That’s why she gives it away so freely.”
She seemed so fragile in my hold, vulnerable, but her composure was solid. I backed my face away and watched as the tips of my fingers brushed along the sides of her breasts.
“You see… she wasn’t a normal girl. Oh no… she was a fucking whore. She fucked for money. Can you imagine? This stupid man thought he was something different. It was a lie. Her Bambi eyes showed nothing, but emotion and love… for him. They were tainted with lies. The whore she always was came seeping through. Bright and shining,” I taunted, emphasizing the last two words and looking up at her.
I could tell she was holding back, the pain that was burning all around her. She stared at me, her eyes had not moved from my face the entire time I spoke. I felt them stabbing me everywhere. My blood pooling on the tile of the bathroom floor, hers right along with mine. If you weren't careful, you could slip in it and drown; there was so much.
Stubborn little girl.
I moved my hand to the bathroom drawer, and scuffed in disgust of what I already knew would be in there. I grabbed the condom, trying to keep in the bile that was rising. My hand went back to her body, and my eyes followed everywhere my fingers trailed. I had touched every part of her, but this felt like the first time. It was different. The devotion and adoration gone…
“So the man goes to her condo, looking for her, in hopes that they could become something they never were. His son missed her, and so did his father. When he didn’t find her there, he subconsciously found himself in the lobby of her Madam’s condo. They led him right up to the show. He had front row seat to the performance of a lifetime.”
I roughly clung onto the back of her neck, and brought her to me. She came naturally, and I hugged her tight to my body. She fit me like a glove, made only for me. Coldness swept through my core, taking any respect I had left for her.
With my face on the side of hers, I glided my cheek along the crevice of her jaw and then along the side of her neck. “She was the main attraction, they fucked her in front of him. Taking every last bit of love he had for her with them.” I moved my lips to her mouth as I unbuckled my belt.
“He wants to kiss her so fucking bad, he wants to claim her mouth with his, and make her remember who she belongs to. Except it’s a lie. That’s what she does… she’s a VIP. She’s a whore. Someone who gives her cunt away like it’s goddamn gold. And from someone who’s been in there… it’s worth it,” I ridiculed, but I couldn’t glance up to her eyes, they stayed glued to her lips that were slightly trembling. Her resolve was breaking.
I rubbed along the front of her thigh, in a front and back motion. I gripped onto the back and placed it on my hip. My pants fell to the ground, and she could feel me at her opening, but still didn’t say a word.
“After she was done giving herself to other men so fucking easily, with no remorse or regret, just pure unadulterated passion, she ran from her prince charming. He chased her like she knew he would. He cornered her in the bathroom.” I shoved her against the wall and she gasped, but I quickly followed her. I aligned my body on top of hers, caging her in, and placing my cock where it was about to go. “And then he fucked her against the wall,” I whispered into her ear, simultaneously thrusting into her in one swift movement.
She cried out not saying a word.
I gripped onto her thigh; my hand would leave a bruise, as I lifted it higher to hold her into place. “Does that feel good? Hmmm? He asked her, always the nice guy. When she didn’t answer he fucked her faster and harder, wanting to feel anything she could offer or give,” I raspingly hissed.
A few minutes went by, and all you could hear was the brutal slapping sound as I pounded into her. The sound would haunt my dreams, and I hoped hers too.
“But see… oh fuck… her pussy clamped down onto his cock, and he knew she was close. Just like the perfect little whore that she is. Her greedy pussy would come for anyone. Not just him.”
Her head fell back against the wall, and her arms went around my neck. I lifted her other leg, and wrapped her legs around my torso. It was easier to fuck her from that angle, make her feel the shame of it all. It was my turn to use her.
“He thrust into her more demanding, and it didn’t take long till her walls constricted against his cock… yes… just like that,” I huskily groaned into her neck. “He felt her essence slip down his balls. Just like a good VIP. Always coming before the clients. See… that’s what he realized, though he never paid, he was just another client. Another man for her to add to her endless list, how many is it, Bambi? What number am I?” I belittled her, fucking her harder and with more determination.
I pumped my hips harsher and clutched onto her back; her heart was beating as fast as mine. They had the same unison pattern.
Hurt.
Betrayal.
Broken.
“He never said I love you…” I thrust in one last time, and trembled my release, my core shaking; holding her so tight for what I knew would be the last time. I held her in my arms for what felt like hours, but I knew w
ere only seconds. When I placed her back onto the ground, her body stuck to mine, her arms still so furiously wrapped around me.
I nipped at her neck, and worked my way up to her mouth. “Now he couldn’t bear to say the words,” I breathed out against her lips, stepping back, and her arms begrudgingly fell to her sides. I finally looked up at her. The face displayed before me reminded me of my mother, and I had to fight back my own tears, as hers streamed so freely and fiercely down her beautiful fucking face. I immediately touched one, and spoke with conviction.
“The only thoughts he had were… I hate you.” I wiped away that tear, placing the used condom on her chest; right on top of her heart. Her hand instantly went on top of mine.
“Send me the bill,” I crudely added.
She shuddered and shut her eyes, instantly cascading down the wall. It reminded me of a waterfall, she was a pile of nothing at the bottom; exactly how I wanted her to be. It took everything inside me not to go to her, to try to rescue her or save her. I thought about what I had just seen, and it helped me keep my resolve; my determination and will to destroy her.
My hate for her.
I took one last look as she crumbled before me. Her sobs would forever haunt my nightmares. I would remember her like this, always. A curled up, scared little girl tucked away in the corner; waiting for someone to love her. I took a deep breath and backed away.
I left Bambi on the floor of her Madam’s bathroom, with her heart shattered.
Next to mine.
I raged with fury.
I went from feeling nothing. Years, decades, of solitude and no emotion. An endless stream of no hurt, no pain, and emptiness. The barricade that became my heart, where I never allowed anyone to enter, or allowed myself to leave, it was a ticking time bomb that waited; exploded.
It was loud, disastrous, and chaotic.
It was going to take everything around me with it, like a tornado spinning around in circles; no one stood a chance, especially me. It elicited feelings I never thought would be possible, emotions that one should never have to experience.
The loss of one’s heart is the demise of their soul.
There I was standing at the burial of my own funeral, laying dirt along the coffin with everyone else. They were burying me alive. I felt every loss of breath, and it cluttered my mind for my will to keep going; to push through. I couldn’t keep up with the agony, and it clasped onto me like a fucking vice. Taking me deeper under the ground, where there was no one, but… me.
Alone.
I didn’t want to be alone, it terrified me. It made me feel frail, when all I wanted was to feel strength. There was nothing left of me. He took it with him when he stepped out of the bathroom, and out of my life for good. There would be no coming back from him; from this. He broke me in ways that I never imagined possible, when he was the one who put me back together in the first place.
Life is cruel like that.
It makes a mockery of who you think you are, and the second you let your guard down, and let someone in… it had you. You’re one of those victims to love. It consumed you until you’re nothing but half the person you started off being.
What happens if you were half a person to begin with?
I knew the answer.
Devon.
He completed me.
We were both halves, who made each other whole.
I hated him…
That’s a lie.
I hated myself.
I crept up off the floor, as my skin made me itch, my mind made me burn, and my reflection in the mirror made me sick. I looked at the disaster displayed before me, mascara ran all down my face, my lips were swollen, and my eyes were red; burning bright with my pain.
My misery.
The exact same one I created. I was my own worst fucking nightmare.
Now I would be Devon’s, too.
It was then that I heard the moaning, groaning, the sounds of pure impassioned fucking, coming from the living room. The precise place that I had just ran from. I darted from my life, seeking refuge, and it crumbled right in front of my very own eyes. All through the motions of the man I loved. The man I love. Every time I shut my eyes, I could still see his handsome lifeless face.
See… I killed him, too.
My hand caught my mouth, and I hurled my head over to the toilet. I heaved over and over again.
Getting rid of the drugs.
The alcohol.
The shame and regret.
It effortlessly soared out of me, as easily as it did going in.
I spit out the rest of it, and wiped my lips with the back of my hand. I rinsed my mouth out with water. I zealously shook my head, side-to-side, trying to get rid of the sounds and the images of Devon.
His hands.
His mouth.
His words.
They were forever severed in my soul. It was now a piece of me that I would never be able to detach myself from. It made itself a home, right next to the hollow hole that used to be my heart. I looked down at the ground, and saw our love splattered on the tile. I subconsciously stepped back, not wanting to step in it any longer. The echoes from the living room bounced off the walls, and it made me cover my ears. I closed my eyes, but it only made it worse.
I screamed out my frustration, unleashing the rage, the wrath I no longer had any control over. It pounded into me as furiously as Devon did minutes ago. I opened the door, and slowly walked toward the living room. No one had stopped what they were doing, as I was dying on the bathroom floor.
No one cared.
No one listened.
No one helped me
No one stopped.
Nothing.
I took one last look around the room. “Get. The. Fuck. Out!” I shouted, and everyone froze in place, staring at me with wide eyes that resembled my own.
Deer in headlights.
Bambi.
When they didn’t move, my hands went to the table in front of me, and I swiftly cleared all the contents to the floor. The sounds of glass crashing onto the hardwood floor, was mocking me… my heart shattering the exact same way.
It was everywhere and all around me.
I couldn’t run.
I couldn’t escape.
I couldn’t hide.
“GET THE FUCK OUT! NOW!” I screamed bloody murder, and that’s when they moved. They gathered like a herd, grabbing clothes, and whatever else. I didn’t stop, I kept moving because I knew once I did I would crash, and possibly not ever get up.
I scurried around the condo, my feet stomping everywhere I stepped, and leaving a path of destruction in its wake. Throwing pictures, vases; I went after anything I could find, my eyes blurred with nothing but tears, and my body twisted with the desire to fall apart.
“I fucking hate you! I fucking hate you so much!” I yelled, talking to myself. I repeated it over and over to let it sink into my pores, and make it become a part of me.
“Miss Stevens,” I heard someone say. I immediately stopped, dismayed, looking where the voice came from.
The guard’s hands were in the air in front of him, cautious. “Are you okay? You’re trashing the condo, and your guests flew out of here like a bat out of hell.”
“Why did you let him up here? He wasn’t invited! He shouldn’t have been up here! Do you know what you did? What happened? Why did you let him up here?” I asked again, trying to keep calm, even though all I wanted to do was scream, and take out all my frustrations on him.
“Miss Stevens, you know I would never do that. I got approval when I didn’t see his name on the list,” he explained.
I lowered my eyebrows and cocked my head to the side. “Approval?”
He nodded. “Of course, I would never let anyone up here without approval first.”
“Who the fuck gave you approval, Raul?” I questioned, waiting on pins and needles for him to reply, although I already knew the answer.
“Madam,” he stated, repeating the exact same name that just went t
hrough my mind.
My hand instantly went to my mouth, as I held in the bile. “Oh my God,” I whispered.
“I’m so sorry, Miss Stevens. I didn’t know. I told her his name, and she instructed me to let him up. I was going with what she approved. I had no idea,” he reasoned.
I shook my head. “Leave.”
“Miss Stevens…” he coaxed.
“Please… leave.”
He worryingly nodded. “I’ll be in the lobby if you need anything.”
I turned around and faced the window. My mind trying to catch up with what was reeling of my feelings. I couldn’t process it fast enough.
Party.
Clients.
Drugs.
Alcohol.
Lust.
Desire.
Primal.
Fucking.
Orgasms.
Devon.
Breaking.
Bathroom.
More fucking.
Shattered.
Betrayal.
Sorrow.
Self-loathe.
Broken.
Numb.
Before I knew it, my key was unlocking the iron glass doors to their house, stepping inside the cool, tranquil, air. It breezed against my skin, and made a false illusion of peace and serenity. I looked around the rooms, as I made my way into the kitchen, all the memories, every last one of them.
The good.
The bad.
The ugly.
I stopped when I saw her. She looked so beautiful in the dim lighting, as she stared off into nothing. Twirling the diamond on her ring finger, around and around it went, precisely as my relationship with Devon.
And her marriage with my father.
Her gaze caught mine. They locked together from across the room, unable to look away from one another.
“Brooke,” she spoke surprised.
“Mom,” I replied, knowingly.
“Why?” I asked, not wasting any time.
She shook her head, confused.
“Don’t give me that. Why? Answer me! I deserve to know.”
Her eyes intensified in recognition, and she sat up.
I put my hand out in front of me. “No. Tell me,” I ordered.
She stood in place with one hand over her heart, and the other sternly placed on the breakfast table, supporting her weight. I sensed that her composure was buckling though she portrayed otherwise.