It was such a romantic thing to say, to have a beautiful man who wanted me for more than my looks, that everything I had underneath was more than enough to compete with the younger women he usually preferred. It drove away my self-consciousness, made me less insecure. Not only was I nearly a decade older than Fleur, but I had a child…and I still had scars from the child. Most men would think I was damaged goods.
I noticed that Derek was dramatically different from the moment we made love. Even when he’d told me he wanted to be with me on the couch, he’d spoken like we were having a business meeting. But once our naked bodies came together, he became a whole new person. He was affectionate, warm, visibly happy. It was as if our intimacy took down the final walls around his heart. “You said you were in a relationship ten years ago?”
His eyes moved down slightly, like that was a topic that bothered him. “Yes.”
“What happened?”
He didn’t pull his head away, but the warm affection in the air started to wane. He took another long pause, but this one was so long, it didn’t seem like he was going to give me an answer. “I don’t want to talk about the past. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m with you now, and there was never anyone before worth mentioning.”
I didn’t think that was an acceptable answer when he was so angry about Lizzie’s existence, but I didn’t pry. He obviously didn’t want to talk about it now, but in time, I was certain he would feel differently. “We only have about forty minutes… What do you want to do?”
The warmth returned to his expression, and his arms tightened around me to bring me close, turning anxious. “You know what I want to do.”Derek stuck to his dark jeans and gray hoodie, not interested in dressing up for his televised appearance. He never put a lot of thought into his clothing, definitely wasn’t a fancy dresser, but it didn’t matter when his strong physique filled out his clothes and made him naturally magnetic. He was such a beautiful man, and it really didn’t matter what he wore.
He met a few people backstage and then had a conversation with Dr. Salazar. The audience filed in, and their voices were audible from where we stood backstage. I didn’t have a lot of purpose other than offering support, so I was quiet most of the time.
The two of us were alone together backstage, standing side by side while Dr. Salazar sat in the armchair on the stage and did a few technical checks.
I stared at the side of Derek’s face, trying to decipher his feelings. He was a stoic man, so he wasn’t always easy to read. Since no one was around, my hand moved to his arm, and I came close. “You’re gonna do great. I’m not worried in the least.”
Without looking at me, he moved his arm around my waist, and he pulled me to him. The stage crew walked around and could see us sharing affection, but Derek didn’t care. He turned his head to me and looked down slightly to meet my gaze, his arm pulling me even closer until our lips touched. “I’m not nervous.”
“But I know you don’t want to do this.”
He kissed the corner of my mouth and then pressed another kiss to my jawline. “It’s not so bad when you’re here.” He rested his forehead against mine and held me there, like we were alone together and had been for hours. For a man who could barely extend a handshake to strangers, his warm affection was still surprising, like it was an urge he couldn’t control. He wasn’t good at expressing himself verbally, but he was good at expressing himself physically, wearing his heart on his sleeve, showing his feelings rather than stating them. It’d only been a few days since we’d agreed to make this work, and in that time frame, he’d made me feel more cherished than I ever had in my life.
The assistant stage manager interrupted us. “You’re going on in two minutes, Dr. Hamilton.”
It was strange to hear people call him that because to me, he was Derek, my Derek. “I should go take a seat. I’ll be in the front row if you ever need to see a friendly face.” My arms wrapped around his neck, and I gave him a soft kiss before I let him go.
When I pulled away, there was a slight smile on his lips.
I could see how happy I made him, and I wondered if he knew how happy he made me.If Derek was uncomfortable, he didn’t show it. He sat with his knees apart, his arms on the armrests with his fingers falling over the edge and gripping the leather material. They didn’t need to put makeup on his face because his complexion was already flawless, and with the meticulous lighting, he looked like he belonged in a magazine, not a lab. He was laid-back, calm, and after a couple questions, he seemed to forget about the audience altogether. It was just two scientists having a conversation.