But his body was so familiar and the future they had planned started to slam down onto her mind. Children and the home they’d already started piecing together. She was supposed to be in that home now. Moved in and settled into the decadence James was hell-bent on surrounding her with. Kallie opened her eyes and found James staring down at her. Those puppy dog eyes that worked so well and the gentle caress of his thumb that always relaxed her.
It still relaxed her.
He seemed earnest enough when he was talking about them getting back together, even though Kallie was upset. Angry. Teetering on hatred for the man that touched her skin. But the history between the two of them was thick. And it wasn’t all bad. She wanted to linger on the bad. Kallie wanted to keep the bad at the forefront of her mind, so her decision could be easier.
But it wasn’t all bad.
There were all the nights he spent taking care of her when she was sick. Doting on her when she had her tonsils removed and taking off work to stay in bed with her. There were all the nights he stayed up late with her while she studied for her exams, making sure she had enough caffeine and quizzing her to make sure she was retaining the information. There were all the times he abandoned plans with his family to do things with hers. All the times he paid for things he didn’t need to. Like her mother’s medical bills when she had her car accident and her father’s medications when they were riding paycheck to paycheck with her mother not working.
It wasn’t all bad.
But when Kallie opened her eyes, she could see James consumed by something else. A possessiveness she’d come to ignore and shrug off as “just James.” But a possessiveness nonetheless. He looked filled with a new urgency. And his eyes weren’t very focused. Despite his body pinning her to the kitchen counter and his thumb stroking her cheek, he looked as if he was elsewhere.
“I love you, Kallie,” James said.
And oh, how sweet those words were to her ears.
She watched James’s lips approach. Watched as the man she’d dedicated years of her life to drop his face to hers. Her heart slammed against her chest and her gut churned with nerves. Her mind told her to go for it and her heart screamed at her to stop. Her knees grew weak as her hands curled into the edge of the counter, and at the last second, she turned her head.
Felt James’s lips fall to her cheek.
She expected him to step back. To scoff and get angry and start yelling like he did sometimes. But instead, he nuzzled into her skin. Sent shivers down her spine. He wrapped his arm around her back, pulling her closer to him the way he always did. His arms never ceased to make her feel safe. Loved. Wanted in his presence. Kallie hated the way she melted into him. Melted into the man who had indulged so many women during their relationship.
“I’m sorry,” he said with a whisper into her skin. “I was a fool. An idiot. A coward. I felt entitled to the things around me and I hurt the only person I’ve ever truly loved.”
Kallie’s eyes fluttered closed and she leaned into his lips. James puckered them against her skin again, and she felt herself heating underneath his soft touch.
“I wasn't a man on our wedding day,” he said lowly. “I was a coward. I panicked with all the eyes on us. With the pressure for things to be perfect. With my mother running around like a panicked bulldog yelling at everyone and making sure the place settings were correct. All of it was so wrong for us, Kallie. And I panicked. I’m sorry. I panicked in all the wrong ways.”
He pressed his lips into her neck and Kallie sighed. Her head fell forward and her hands gripped his shoulders. Her body was caving on her. Betraying her in all the worst ways.
But still her mind yelled out at her. Told her to shove him away.
“I made the biggest mistake of my life,” James murmured into the crook of her neck. “And I’m not saying I’ll ever be able to change it. But I can swear to you, I’ll never do anything like that again. And I’ll do anything it takes to win you back. Anything, Kallie. Anything you want. Or need. Or could ever desire. I swear it will be yours.”
She felt James’s shoulders jump and her eyes flew open.