Three weeks have passed since his wedding day and Cassian and I announced we were getting married. I think it must hurt Daddy that I don’t want the things he’s fought so hard for, but I’ll make it up to him in other ways. King Anson’s idea about Paravel being represented in dressage is perfect. I know Daddy’s proud of my riding skills, and I’m willing to work just as hard for the good of the country as he is.
“This is not what I imagined for my daughter,” Daddy says, looking around at the dressage arena, the stables, Cassian working in the yard in dirty jeans. “But if you want to do what you were doing all those years while I was locked up, it must have meant you were happy, then?”
My heart turns over. All those years in France without him. “I’ve always loved riding, and I was happy enough in France. But I’m happier here, and I’m glad you are, too.”
The corner of his mouth quirks, and I know he’s thinking of Wraye. “Yes, I am.”
A student arrives for her dressage lesson, and I say goodbye to Daddy. Wraye has come to pick him up, and she’s waiting by the car. She waves to me happily as I direct my student into the stables to fetch her horse.
When Daddy gets to Wraye, he reaches down to her waist, and there seems to be something significant about the way his fingers brush her belly as he kisses her.
Envy coils tightly around my chest. Cassian and I have been downright careless for weeks, and I’m not pregnant. Sure, it can take a while, but we’ve not once used protection. I’ll try to be patient. At least I can ride and teach as much as I like, and I’m with Cassian, and that’s what matters the most.
I just hope things change soon because I want Cassian’s baby. I want it so badly my heart aches.
My student has good riding skills and is taking to basic dressage quickly. She’s thirteen years old, and I’ll be excited to see her begin competing in six months’ time. She seems shocked when I tell her this, but it’s important she gets out there, sooner rather than later, so she can get used to the crowds, the nerves and the fuss that comes with competing.
When I’ve finished with her, I head back into the house through the back door. The kitchen is still the most comfortable room, but Cassian and I are slowly making the rest of the house just like we want it.
Muriel’s the only one in the kitchen. I put the kettle on and sit down heavily in a kitchen chair. “I think Wraye’s pregnant.”
Muriel takes one look at my unsmiling face and pats my hand. I’ve already confided in her that I want a child, and she was only moderately scandalized that Cassian and I aren’t even married yet.
“Oh, my dear,” she says, her expression full of sympathy.
“I’m happy for them,” I say quickly, as if she’s said otherwise. And I am. It’s wonderful for Daddy, a child he can hold in his arms and watch grow at long last. He’ll be a wonderful father.
“Of course, you are. Be patient. Sometimes it takes some trying, and you’re both young and healthy.” She looks around the kitchen. “It will be wonderful when there’s a little one in this house again.”
A little Cassian with blond hair or perhaps a little Aubrey with dark hair. Baby Bellerose. I pick at a loose thread on my shirt, and promise myself that I won’t let Wraye see my envy when she tells me she’s pregnant. She and Daddy must want their baby so much.
“I didn’t get to be with Cassian during those early months,” Muriel says wistfully. “I’ve wished so many times that I was.”
I frown, puzzled. Muriel was General Lungren’s housekeeper, and she stuck by his side, even when he went into a warzone. How could she not have been there when Cassian was a baby? “You weren’t? Why not?”
Muriel talks softly, as if in a daze. “He was such a sweet little toddler with golden curls and the cheekiest smile. Sometimes I wonder if I should have told him the truth about…”
The kettle comes to a boil, drowning out her words. I get up and pour hot water into the teapot. “The truth about what, Muriel?”
She looks up at me with startled eyes. “Sorry, dear?”
“You said something about telling him the truth. Do you mean Cassian?”
Her mouth closes with a snap. “I don’t know. I’m very old. My mind goes funny sometimes.”
I gaze at her carefully. She’s not that old, and I could have sworn she was talking about something to do with Cassian’s parents. I hesitate, remembering my promise to Cassian not to pry into his parents’ pasts. He’s afraid of what he might find there, and I don’t really blame him.