While I appreciated her concern, which was a real one, I needed her to take a few more pain meds because they wouldn’t prescribe them to me for a heart condition that shouldn’t have caused me that much pain.
Yes. I needed her to take pain meds for me.
“Everything hurts …” She closed her eyes.
Her head.
“My head.”
Her right arm.
“My right arm.”
But her leg … it’s the worst.
“However … my leg is driving me crazy. I think amputating it would have been a better option. I can’t imagine ever using it to walk again.”
Was it selfish of me to want Lila to do whatever it took to take away the pain? Strong people pushed through and worked hard. They didn’t pop pills and wither away in the corner. The problem was … this wasn’t my battle. No matter how hard I worked or fought, it wouldn’t make a difference. It was like running marathons in my dreams. Eventually, I would wake to the grim reality that I didn’t move an inch. Dreams could be vivid and memorable, but that didn’t make them real. Not moving an inch made it hard to be strong. It made it incredibly easy to want to crawl in that corner and pop pills.
Still … I could do this. I would do this. Lila would recover, and I would recover.
“There are many ways to manage pain that don’t involve medication. Acupuncture. Acupressure. Herbs. Hypnosis.” I had tried all of them; they weren’t as effective for me because I didn’t own the source of the pain—the negative and blocked energy. But for Lila, they were worth trying.
“Okay.” She sighed.
Okay was good. Okay gave me hope.
“Graham won’t like the alternatives. He’ll encourage me to take the medications.”
Graham … I would handle Graham through his biggest weakness—Evelyn. I liked Graham. We were friends. And part of my fondness for him was in fact his loyalty to my wife and the wellness of her family. Beneath all the money and political power, I honestly felt Graham had his feet planted on a solid base of good morals and an instinct to do the right thing. However, he looked at Evelyn in a way that kept me aware. It was hard to explain. Evelyn said they tried and failed at being more than friends, but Graham had never said those actual words. That was what kept me aware.
He worshipped my wife, and I had a feeling he did so as much if not more than his own wife. It didn’t make me happy, but I needed to use the leverage that Evelyn unknowingly had over him to make the upcoming weeks—maybe months—more manageable. Lila might not stand up to Graham, but Evelyn had no issue with putting him in his place, no matter how much money he had in the bank or what title came before his name.
My wife was pretty fucking awesome like that.
“Your pain meds for the night are kicking in; I’ll let you get some sleep.” I eased out of the chair, using my IV pole for support.
“How do you know that? Did I yawn?”
“No. It’s just a feeling.”
“Well … you’re very empathetic. I am feeling drowsy and a little numb in all the right places.”
Me too.
It was time to go. “Sleep well, Lila.”
Anya was asleep by the time I returned to Madeline’s room.
“Ready to go home?” I whispered to not disturb either Madeline or Anya.
Evelyn nodded, rubbing Anya’s back. “Dad’s staying here.”
I grinned, glancing over at Corey wedged into the hospital bed with his wife. “I figured.” That would have been my dad too had it been my mom in the hospital. It was what made me sad for Lila. Governor of Colorado or not … Graham should have been there with her. Nothing would have taken me away from my wife in that same scenario. Nothing.
“Where’s your IV?” Evelyn asked.
“I removed it.”
“I’m not sure patients are supposed to remove their own IVs.”
“Probably not.” I shrugged.
“Can you carry Anya?”
I could barely carry my head on my shoulders. The adrenaline had worn off. The pain subsided, but I felt so groggy. “Of course.” Lifting my pint-sized pixie from Evelyn’s arms, I hugged her to me. She felt like a two-hundred-pound bag of dead weight. Evelyn kissed her mom and dad goodnight and followed me to the elevators. By the time we made it to the Jeep, I was drenched in sweat despite the thirty-degree temperature outside.
After easing Anya into her car seat, I closed my eyes and took a few slow breaths before my hands found the energy to fasten the straps.
“Roe …” Evelyn stopped me after I shut the back door, resting her hand on my chest. “You’re sweating like you just ran a race.”
I did … in my dreams or more like my nightmares.
Swallowing, I wiped my brow. She didn’t need this, not with everything else crowded onto her shrinking plate. “I’m fine.”