My job was to love him like no one had ever loved him before. I would do my job, but they had to do theirs first.
Him.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life loving him. Not a memory.
Retrieving my phone from the floor, I followed them out of the condo and called his parents before driving to the hospital.
Victor and Ling made it there before me because I had another breakdown in the car after I parked in the lot by the emergency room.
Roe …
He yelled when they took him away. And they took him away quickly. I felt their urgency rip through my heart.
Ling glanced up at me when I entered the waiting room wearing my bravest face. I wore it for my dad when he had his kidney transplant, and I’d been wearing it a lot during my mom’s chemo appointments.
Holding her hand out to me, Ling smiled. It was sad. She didn’t need to pretend that it wasn’t really bad. I felt certain the haunting cries from Ronin would stay embedded in my heart like shards of glass for eternity.
“Have they figured out what’s wrong with him?” I asked, sitting next to Ling as Victor typed something into his phone.
“No.” She had this odd expression. It was pained, yet eerily calm.
How was she not freaking out?
“I didn’t know what to do. I was so scared. He told me to go home because he didn’t want me getting sick, but I don’t think what he has is contagious.”
“You did the right thing.” Ling squeezed my hand. “Now we wait.”
I released her hand to send Lila a text.
Me: Ronin is in the hospital.
Lila: Oh my god! Why?
Me: He’s in a lot of pain, but we don’t know what’s wrong with him. I’m so scared.
Lila: He’ll be fine. I’m on my way.
Guilt nibbled at my conscience. She didn’t need one more thing to take up her time, fill her mind with more stress and worry.
Me: No. Don’t come. I just needed to tell someone. Since you pray, I thought you could say one for Ronin.
Lila: Already said a prayer for him. And you.
It wasn’t that I didn’t pray. I was raised with religion, but my overly curious, scientific mind made it hard to keep the faith. I liked data, testing, proof … or at least a good probability. After years of lost or wavering faith, I didn’t feel confident that if there was a god, she would listen to my prayers.
Yes, my god (imaginary or not) was a woman.
I said my own prayers too. The unfaithful prayers involved a lot of groveling and apologizing.
If you exist, I’m sorry I lost faith. Blind faith is really hard for me. On the off chance that this unconditional love thing of yours is real, maybe you can forgive my skepticism, and do me this tiny favor of saving Ronin’s life. Thanks … or Amen.
And then … we waited.
One hour later, a doctor came out to tell us they hadn’t found anything, so they were running more tests. I got a little testy about their lack of figuring things out, while Victor and Ling maintained slightly sad yet eerily calm demeanors.
Two hours later, my best friends appeared around the corner of the waiting room. I jumped out of my chair and flew into Lila’s embrace as Graham gave me a sad smile over her shoulder.
“I told you not to come.” I hugged her like she was next on the list of people in my life to have something go wrong with her.
“You’re the most important person in my world. Of course, I came.”
Graham didn’t show an ounce of offense from Lila’s words. And he shouldn’t have been offended. He knew the bond I had with my best friend was unbreakable.
“Thank you,” I whispered on a wave of emotion, just as I released her. Batting away the tears before they fell, I cleared my throat and met Graham’s regretful gaze.
“It’s not your fault.” I dug through my emotions, looking for that brave face again. It had slipped off when I hugged Lila.
Graham returned a hesitant nod.
“There was no way for you to know how bad he felt. When I got to his house, he tried to convince me to leave. You did your part by telling me. Thank you.” I stepped into Graham’s embrace.
“Is there anything I can do?” Graham kissed the top of my head.
Money. He was asking if he could pay for something. He must have been emotionally stunted in a way; it’s wasn’t that he didn’t care. He just struggled with the fact that sometimes there wasn’t anything you could do about certain things, no matter how much money you had to throw at a situation.
“You turning around and bringing Lila to me is everything.”
Graham released me, delivering a hesitant nod.
Lila and I took seats in the waiting room while Graham fetched coffees and food for everyone. His need to feel like he was doing something was admirable and sweet. Sometimes Graham Cracker showed his vulnerability, and it came with a side of generosity. He felt bad for not seeing that Ronin was in such bad shape when leaving the lodge before they had a chance to eat lunch. I was positive Ronin did everything he could to hide the level of pain he felt.