“Until me,” I whisper.
Nana reaches across the table, and grabbing both of my hands she squeezes them tightly. “She chose you, Darby … we all did.”
I let a tear escape. “Is it crazy to miss someone you never knew?”
She reaches up, catching my tear with her thumb. “You know her. I swear she gave you her soul when she died. You’re so kind, loving, and forgiving. It’s why despite the million reasons your father’s given you to disown him, you still love him. That’s Lucy in you. I adore you, Darby, and I think it’s beautiful the way you love my Lucy, because she sure loved you. For nine months, you owned her heart.”
And then she gave me her last heartbeat as I took my first breath.
I blink back more tears. “Thank you, Nana, for giving me a mother’s love.”
She stands, walks around the table, and hugs me to her chest.
Chapter Twenty-Two
There must be a set amount of time that justifies my missing Trick—desperately missing him. It’s probably longer than five days, and if I’m honest with myself, I started to feel it within twenty-four hours of his departure. Pathetic? Yes, but so what.
“Miss me, sexy?”
I sneak into an empty exam room and lean against the door, pressing my phone to my ear, eyes closed. Just for a few moments, I need to be seduced by his voice. “I’m a basket case, and don’t you dare gloat. Just tell me you miss me even half as much as I miss you.”
He chuckles and my nipples wake up and scream to my vagina, “Trick’s on the phone!” My vagina blushes, a slow drool flows across her lips. “Missing you is worse than rehab. I’ve got the shakes; I need my Darby fix so fucking bad.”
A knock at the door shakes me from my dreamy state. I crack it open.
“Sorry, I didn’t know this room was occupied.” Jade looks askance at me. “What patient do you have?”
“Nobody, I’m on the phone … with a … pharmacist.”
“Sorry, I need the room and you have sutures waiting in room two.”
I smile against gritted teeth. “One minute, give me one minute.”
Jade rolls her eyes. “Fine. One minute.”
Bringing the phone back to my ear, I sigh.
“You have to go,” Trick says.
“Yes, unfortunately.”
“I need to get back to work anyway. The porn stars are coming back to the set.”
“You’re not funny.”
“I’m a little funny.”
“Bye.”
“Later.”
I open the door and Jade stumbles toward my feet. “Were you eavesdropping?”
She rights her step with a quick recovery. “No, I was just getting ready to open the door and tell you your minute’s up just as you opened it.”
I look at my watch. “I still have thirty seconds.” I scowl at her. “You … were eavesdropping.”
“Was that Patrick?” She follows me out the door and to the nurses’ station like a yippie little dog.
“I told you I was talking to a pharmacist.” I grab the chart and start to read over it.
She sidles next to me, nudging me with her shoulder. “I know what you told me; now I’m asking for the truth.”
Keeping my head down, I grin. “Oh, Jade, Jade, Jade … if only it were any of your business.”
“Oh come on, Darby! Throw me a bone.”
I slide the chart over to her. “Okay, Mr. Howard, room four. Possible fractured pelvis … if I remember correctly that’s a bone. Why don’t you get me an X-ray?”
She sticks out her tongue. A couple of the other nurses snicker. “You’re no fun.”
I head toward sutures in two. “Oh, I’m a barrel of fun; you’ve just never taken the time to get to know my fun side.”
This amazing thing has happened since I met Trick. My neediness for acceptance—inclusion—has started to vanish. I don’t mean it in a gruff or snobby way; I’d love to be friends with Jade outside of work, but I don’t crave it like I did every day of my life before I met him. Trick … he’s my best friend. He gave me that before he stole my heart. Then again, I don’t think he really stole my heart. I think I gave it to him when I still thought he was Grady’s. It’s a testament of what his friendship means to me—everything.
*
Day one million without trick. Aka day 10. My heart keeps different time. The good news: I survived the political fundraiser tonight alone. It helped that Rachel’s back in New York and my father was too busy to chat about my personal life. The bad news: I have the day off tomorrow and little to take my mind off Trick.
I flip through the channels, read a few chapters in my book, and call it a night. No need to stay awake any longer when Trick awaits in my dreams. In the darkness of night I see him with such vividness—intense blazing eyes and a strong jaw covered in a thick stubble. I rub my hands over it and his lips twitch, my twitch. It’s the smallest smirk; the one that says he knows how much I love everything about him. I smell him; it’s soap, a rugged sandalwood and pine cologne and those pheromones I could recognize in a room full of men with my eyes closed. My nose nuzzles into his neck; his hands thread through my hair, clenching, bringing me to him. God, I love the way he always fists my hair like I’m his lifeline.