“Luke’s getting you water.”
“As long as he doesn’t throw it on me.”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing.” She rested her head back against the pillow and closed her eyes. “Tell me the bad news.”
“What makes you think I have bad news?”
“Nine months in the womb together. Just spill it.”
“Irene was Knox’s ex-wife.”
“Yesterday’s news.”
“She was Meredith Baker too.”
Jillian opened one eye. “Seriously?”
Jackson nodded.
“Is this where you give me the lecture about how you should have ignored me and followed your instincts to kill her?”
“That’s on the docket, but not today. She spent five years in a mental institution.”
“I know.”
“Her two accomplices were in there with her. She got out on her own—good behavior and passing the discharge evaluation—but she helped them escape after she got out. In exchange for their freedom, they agreed to help her carry out her revenge.”
“What were they in for?”
“He killed his two younger brothers when he was sixteen … with his bare hands. Blamed it on his ADD meds. She killed her boss after he wouldn’t give her a raise.”
“Anything else?”
“Yes.”
She opened both eyes. He acted weird, even for him.
“It’s about Mom and Dad.”
“I … I already know.”
“I don’t think you do.”
“Mom had an affair of sorts with Knox.”
“Yeah, I knew.”
Her head jutted forward. “You knew?”
He nodded. “I saw them kissing at a fundraiser our senior year of high school.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“I tried. The day you told me about the trip you planned with Claire I was going to tell you, but I decided to wait until you got back home, but then …”
“But what? She died and I went insane? That doesn’t explain never telling me.”
“You built your dreams on them, their relationship, their marriage. At what point was I supposed to obliterate your dreams?”
“That’s what is was … all those years. You held something inside. I always knew you weren’t telling me something. And the women … I dreamed big, but my God … you had no dreams at all. It was Mom. That’s why you hated women so much.”
“I didn’t hate women.”
“You fucked Irene and then taught her piano lessons without a clue that your dick had ever been in her.”
“I didn’t.”
“You did. In a bar. That’s my point.” Jillian coughed, pressing her finger to her neck again.
“It’s history. That’s not what I want to tell you anyway. I no longer give a shit about the affair, their marriage, or any of it. They’re dead. Knox is dead.”
“You killed him?”
“I saw …”
“What?”
“Nothing. Let me just say this, okay?”
She nodded once.
“Knox said Mom and Dad were murdered. They suspected Dad’s cover had been compromised, but they couldn’t prove it for sure.”
“Yes …”
“I had someone at G.A.I.L. pull all of Irene’s phone records, emails, texts … everything since she was released from the mental institution. She started a rumor that went viral through not only G.A.I.L. but the DEA about threats being made against Dad. Several days after it started she texted Amanda and Robbie.”
“Who are Amanda and Robbie?”
“They were the couple she sprung from the mental institution. She sent them Mom and Dad’s address and step-by-step instructions on breaking the security code. She also wired them fifty grand each from G.A.I.L. and hid it under travel expenses—miscellaneous trips, jet fuel, and pilots that were never actually purchased.”
“She went back to working with G.A.I.L. after being locked up for five years?”
“No. But when the brains behind the intel and security leaves, she takes all the secrets with her. She could break into G.A.I.L.’s computer system with her eyes shut.”
Jillian shook her head. “I don’t understand why you’re telling me all this. I don’t understand the point.”
Jackson sighed. She hated it because it sounded like a sympathy sigh.
“You do understand, you just don’t want to hear it.”
“No.” Denial was the only thing she had left to hold on to.
“I’m sorry. We didn’t know.”
“We didn’t know? Are you kidding me? You and Knox show up and ruin my whole fucking life. I leave everything, fake my death, watch the man I love mourn over my grave and you’re sorry? I was in just as much danger leaving as I would have been staying. The only person coming after us knew who and where we were. Do you see how fucked up this is? How could neither one of you have done your fucking research before destroying my life? You left nothing behind, but I did!” She coughed, a little blood coming up again.
“What’s going on?” Luke asked, carrying a tray with water, ice, and something resembling a smoothie.
Jillian glared at Jackson. “Leave.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not ready for your apology … for any of it.” She didn’t say AJ’s name, but Jackson’s mercy killing had not slipped her mind. It would never slip her mind.
“I died yesterday … when you weren’t breathing. I died. I may make mistakes and act impulsively, but I do it because I love you. When you had the fairytale in your head of Mom and Dad’s ‘perfect’ life, I had nothing but you. When you met Luke, I had nothing but you. But yesterday—in the ambulance—I simply had nothing. So hate me. I’ll fucking take it every single day because it means you’re alive. I don’t need your love. I just … I just need you.”