“Wow! Are you counting my words now?”
“If I kick you out early, are you going to give me a month’s worth of useful information in under ten minutes on the other side of my door?” He glared at her.
Jessica leapt off the bed. “Real professional, asshole! I can’t believe the Board of Medical Examiners granted you the right to fuck with people’s minds and emotions.”
“I’m not your doctor, Jessica.” Luke held steadfast to his composure.
“Then you’re a shitty friend!” She stomped out of his bedroom.
“I’m not your friend either,” he called after her as she marched toward the front door.
Jessica whipped around as Luke caught up to her. “Then who or what the hell are you?”
Luke shook his head. “I’m nobody … just a guy that wants to see you get better.”
A caustic anger roiled in her chest. “Well I don’t need nobody. I need somebody. I trusted Dr. Jones, and I trust my friends, but you’re neither, so I’m not going to lay my whole fucking world at the feet of nobody!”
Luke stepped toward her until her back was pressed to the wall. His blue eyes turned to coal. “Your problem is you don’t trust anyone—not me, not your family, and not your friends. Maybe what you need right now is a nobody, a dumping ground for all of your problems, someone who’s not your past nor your future. I won’t feel responsible, or guilty, or judge you. You can make up a hundred pet names for me, plot out my death in fifty different scenarios, and question me about my favorite sex position, but it won’t make you better.”
That was the first time Luke broke Jessica’s heart. She didn’t want him to be a nobody. During the months that they’d been together she’d convinced herself that he would make her better—not his willingness to listen, not his words of wisdom, but him.
The first tear surrendered. “There were two of them. One served as the decoy, the other shot us with a tranquilizer gun like we were rabid animals. I wasn’t sure if it was hours or days that we spent coming in and out of consciousness. I remember vomiting on myself at one point and wetting my pants. Then we were dying of dehydration: swollen tongues, confusion, dizziness, heart palpitations. Finally they offered us water out of a shared dog dish. We were almost too weak to even drink. Then they offered us food, actual dog food. I didn’t eat it, but Claire did. Four said he’d cut her if she didn’t.” Each blink released more tears. Her eyes never strayed from Luke’s.
“He never cut you?”
Jessica shook her head.
“Do you know why?”
“Because I wanted him to. I dared him, taunted him, practically begged him. It was like he knew.”
“Knew what?”
Salty tears melted onto her tongue when she sucked in her lips and swallowed back the words that she hadn’t said in almost a decade.
“Knew what, Jessica?” Luke cupped her face in his hands.
“I’m hungry.” Her tears dried up as her expression softened to a blank stare.
He nodded, releasing her. “We can be done for tonight.”
She drew in a breath and released it with absolute control, putting away the past in its safe spot and focusing again on the present. “Want to go get something to eat with me?”
“I can’t.” Luke took a step back.
“Are you on a diet?”
He smiled, barely, but it was a smile. “No, we can’t be seen together.”
She slipped on her shoes. “Are you famous? Because I’m not and the only people who know both of us are in New York for the next two weeks, so unless we happen to pick the same restaurant as your receptionist, Eve, then I think we’re good.”
Jessica’s area of expertise was risk assessment, but Luke’s overthinking and excessive contemplation made her reserved personality look utterly reckless.
“Never mind.” She slung her purse over her shoulder. “I’ll eat by myself or find somebody who might enjoy my company. Don’t sweat it, Luke.”
“Jessica?”
She stopped, inches from shutting the door. He pulled it back open.
“Pizza delivery? We can eat out on my balcony.”
“Is this pity?” She squinted.
“It’s pizza. What kind do you like?”
She stepped back inside and kicked off her shoes. “Are we making out later?”
“No.”
She brushed past him toward the French doors to the balcony. “In that case—red onions, banana peppers, fresh garlic, and pineapple.”
“Pineapple?”
“Did I stutter?”
“We’ll go half and half. Thin crust okay?”
“Nope. Thick.” She stepped outside and drew in a shaky breath. Sharing her past felt like an emotional game of Jenga. How many pieces could he extract before she’d completely collapse?
After he ordered the pizza and changed into something more casual, Luke joined her on the balcony. “Beer or wine?” He held up two bottles of Heineken in one hand and a bottle of white wine and a wine glass in the other.