“Look what the slut dragged in,” I say, leaning against the counter next to Austin.
“Funny, funny, ha ha. I take it the cobwebs have been cleared out?” she fires back.
“Oh, there are definitely no cobwebs in there,” Austin murmurs with a little smirk as he throws one arm over my shoulder. “Isn’t that Noah’s shirt?” he asks.
“I hope you told him you were leaving, Kaleigh.” I look at Austin. “She isn’t exactly known for sticking around the morning after. She, um, likes to leave before it can get awkward,” I explain as I take a sip of my coffee.
“He’s going to lose his shit,” Austin states.
“Did you use my almond milk?” Kaleigh asks while he continues to drink his coffee and shakes his head no. “Oh. So, you used the breast milk, then?” Austin spits his coffee out of his mouth all over the counter.
“What?” he questions, looking into his cup and then looking at me.
“She’s just messing with you.” I laugh. “You are going to clean up that mess.” I point to the counter that now has his coffee splattered all over it.
“I’m not messing with him. I ordered frozen breast milk this week and switched it out.” Kaleigh looks at me, while I look inside my coffee cup. “You put butter in my potatoes, remember?”
“You let me drink someone’s breast milk?” I throw the coffee down the drain along with the rest of the milk. “That’s sick, Kal.”
“Where the fuck do you even order breast milk from?” Austin is looking under the sink for cleaning products. “Do we need to get, like, a hepatitis shot or something?” he asks, coming up with some Windex in his hand.
“I ordered it online.” She shrugs her shoulder. “I switched it yesterday morning after the kids left.” She nonchalantly studies her nails, while Austin and I start to freak out.
“What if the woman has a disease? Jesus! Could we catch it?” Austin turns to me. “I feel a little funny.” He puts his hand to his stomach, making me roll my eyes.
“Relax, it was from a reputable website for mothers who can’t produce enough milk,” she assures us right before someone starts banging on the front door.
“Kaleigh! Are you in there?” Noah yells from outside.
Austin smirks at her and walks to the door to open it. “Hey, man.” He steps aside for him to walk in. “Come in. Can I get you some coffee? With or without breast milk?” Noah just looks at him like he’s crazy.
“What are you doing here?” He walks into the kitchen and eyes me in Austin’s now buttoned-up shirt before shifting his gaze to Kaleigh.
“You took my shirt? And then you just fucking left?”
“She’s not good with the whole morning-after thing,” I add helpfully, while Kaleigh shoots me a glare and the middle finger.
He turns her around on the stool as he cages her in between his arms with his hands braced against the counter. “I thought we said we were doing yoga this morning?” He leans into her.
Austin laughs from beside me, where he stands after closing the front door. “You couldn’t do yoga if you tried.” He continues laughing while Noah glares at him.
“Plus, you said we could do the down-dog thing,” he whispers to her.
“What’s the down dog?” Austin asks me in a whisper that is not at all quiet. I shrug my shoulders as I shush him and continue to watch the scene in front of me.
“Don’t you two have to be somewhere?” Kaleigh looks back at us.
“Nope,” Austin and I answer at the same time and then look at each other and smile. His smile melts me, so I wrap my arms around his waist as he throws his over my shoulders, bringing me closer to him.
“Come back home with me,” Noah asks her, leaning in and tracing her jaw with the tip of his nose. “Please.”
“Okay,” she replies, and I gasp at her in surprise. She never lets her guard down with men, ever. “Besides, I think Austin is going to kill me for making him drink breast milk.” She tries to make it seem like this isn’t a big deal, but I know better.
Noah looks at Austin as he stands back, making room for Kaleigh to get up and gather her stuff. “You drank breast milk, dude? Can you die from that?” He slips his hands in his pockets.
Austin stills next to me. “No, you can’t. Now, go away before he goes nuts,” I order before turning to Austin. “You can’t die from drinking breast milk,” I reassure him. “Well, unless the mother had like HIV or something.”
Noah bursts out laughing, grabbing Kaleigh’s hand, and dragging her back out the door.
“We need to get tested,” he states.
“I was just kidding. She wouldn’t really try to kill me. Anyway, I was thinking maybe we could shower. I’m feeling very, very dirty,” I whisper to him.