“Uh…” He glanced at Joan then back at me. “Yeah…I guess.” He moved forward and out of the office toward the elevator.
I walked beside him in heels, my usual pencil skirt, and a black coat to keep me warm. “Where were you going to eat?”
“There’s a café in the lobby.” The doors opened and he stepped inside.
I joined him.
Then the doors shut—and it was a tense ride to the bottom.
He didn’t look at me or make small talk.
Maybe I should have texted him first. I just didn’t want to get him in trouble with the woman in his life…his wife.
The doors opened, and we walked to the café.
I went first, ordered a salad wrap and an iced tea, and took a seat at a table in the corner.
He joined me a moment later, his face ghostly pale. “So, Cleo…what’s up?” He didn’t move for his food or drink his water. He probably didn’t even have an appetite after I caught him off guard.
“I’m really sorry to just show up like this. I thought about texting you, but I was afraid…that would get you into trouble.”
He leaned back into the leather booth, his shoulders tense, his eyes rarely making contact with mine, like that was too uncomfortable.
“I just… I wanted to apologize.”
He noticeably stilled at the statement, like that was the last thing he’d expected to hear out of my mouth. “Apologize?” He cocked his head as he repeated my words back to me. “Apologize to me?”
“Yeah…” The destruction of our marriage was entirely my fault…and now, that was abundantly clear. “Lately, it’s become really clear to me that I didn’t help out around the apartment…because I just didn’t care. I never tried to cook because it wasn’t important to me. Prioritizing my relationship with you…was never my priority. I worked long hours because I wanted to. You weren’t given the attention you deserved. Our marriage was never more important than my job. It’s so obvious to me now, and I’m sorry about that. I’m not sorry that we aren’t together anymore because I think we’re exactly where we’re supposed to be in life, but I am sorry that I married you. I shouldn’t have said yes, not if my heart wasn’t totally in it. In hindsight, it’s abundantly clear my heart was never in it, from the beginning. I guess I wanted to absolve my guilt by talking to you, because I feel really terrible about it now, wasting your time like that…”
He listened to everything I said, slightly surprised. He must have expected me to walk in and make a scene even though we’d been divorced for almost two years now, but I’d never done it before, so maybe it was a delay in anger. The time apart made me a bitter woman. That was true, I was bitter, until Deacon. “Cleo…I don’t know what to say. I think you’re being a little harsh on yourself. I was the one who cheated—”
“Because I was never there. I don’t blame you, David. You weren’t getting love, friendship, or intimacy from me. Of course you were going to get it somewhere else. I’m not saying I approve of adultery, but if I didn’t want that to happen, I could have been a better wife to you. Or just a wife in general.”
He was quiet for a long time. “Where is this coming from? What brought this on?”
“Well…” I almost didn’t say because it felt mean to talk about my new relationship, but he was married, so it didn’t seem to matter. “I fell in love with someone. I find myself going above and beyond for him. Doing his dishes. Blowing off work. Being in that relationship one hundred percent…because he’s the love of my life.”
He didn’t react, like that didn’t cause him pain.
“Seeing how hard I work in that relationship made me realize I never gave a damn about ours. I blamed you for everything, but it was all my fault. You tried to talk to me, you told me to stop working so much, to do my part at the apartment—and I never listened. Now I do his dishes without him even asking, just because I want to.”
His food was still ignored. “You know, maybe we just weren’t right for each other. Because if you had put more work into our relationship, we would still be married, and you wouldn’t have this man. And based on how you’re describing him, it would have been a mistake for you not to have him.”
I couldn’t picture myself with anyone but Deacon. I couldn’t even picture myself with David, even though we’d already been together. It just didn’t make sense at all anymore.
“And I’m really happy with Cindy. We have a baby on the way.”
“Aww…” I was genuinely happy to hear that, to know he was just as happy in life as I was. “That’s so wonderful. Congratulations.”