“Okay…”
“I know it’s weird, not to see us together, but I think that’s the best thing for all of us.”
“Why don’t I just stay with you and not see her?”
I hated Valerie, but I really didn’t want my son to hate her. But as he got older, he might make that conclusion on his own, based on his own observations. I couldn’t protect Valerie from that. Right now, he was a sweet and innocent boy who didn’t analyze her behaviors and what they meant. But in a few more years…he would. Maybe it was inevitable. Derek was just like me; I didn’t get along with her, so he probably wouldn’t either. “Because she’s still your mother.”
“But why do I have to stay with her most of the time?”
If I could have full custody, I would take him in a heartbeat. “That’s just how it is, Derek.” I might be able to take her to court and win at this point, but I really didn’t want to do that to Valerie or Derek. I’d rather try to have a schedule or switch off, try to do it the easy way before resorting to the hard way. “Your mother loves you. And you love her. Remember, I’m close by. You can always get to me if you need me.”
He nodded. “I’m sorry Mom makes you so sad…”
My hand went to his waist, giving him a gentle squeeze that matched the tug on my heart. “It’s okay, Derek. You and Cleo make me really happy, so it’s okay.” I’d spent so much time trying to be a nontraditional family with Valerie, when in reality, Cleo was already my family. The three of us…were a family.
“I’m glad she makes you happy, Dad. I like seeing you happy.”
My hand went to his cheek, looking at him like he was the most precious thing in the world. “You’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, Derek. I don’t care how sad your mother makes me, I don’t care about our problems, because you have always been worth it.” Sometimes my eyes watered when I said these things, because I just couldn’t believe how much I loved this little person beside me, how he made me into a better man, how much I would sacrifice just to make him smile. “I love you, son.” I leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.
“I love you too, Dad.”
I sat up and turned off the lamp.
“Dad?”
I was about to stand up, but I stayed. “Hmm?”
“Can we go to the cabin tomorrow?”
“It’s cold…not a lot to do there when it’s not warm.”
He shrugged. “We haven’t been in a while.”
It had been projected to snow, but the weather forecast had changed. Derek had never seen the snow because we didn’t get any in California. Cleo would love to take the trip because she loved that place too. “Sure.”
He smiled. “Really?”
“Yeah.” It was the least I could do after the shitty Thanksgiving we’d had. “But you better get to sleep fast. We’re gonna leave early in the morning.”
“Okay.” He closed his eyes and went still, like he was already asleep.
I chuckled then kissed him on the forehead again before I left his bedroom and moved to the other side of the condo to mine. I closed the bedroom door behind me, my room dark, the bedding hugging her curves under the sheets. She was still, like she was already asleep.
I moved to my side of the bed and stripped off the long-sleeved sweater, the t-shirt underneath, and then my shoes and jeans. It was nice to get the weight off, to remove all my clothes and return to my usual comfort. I dropped my boxers and got into bed beside her.
She opened her eyes and looked at me, like she was still awake, but partially drifting off. “How’d it go?”
“I told him his mother and I probably wouldn’t be in the same room anymore. He seemed to understand.”
Her hand moved under the sheets to my chest, her soft fingertips gliding over my hard body.
“He understands she makes me unhappy…and he wants me to be happy.”
“He’s such a sweet boy.”
“I know he is.” It was a privilege to be his father. “I don’t want him to hate her, but I suspect that might be inevitable someday based on the way she is. Deep down, I know I don’t like anything about her on a human level, and Derek is too young and innocent to feel that way now, but he will when he’s older. I won’t be able to protect her, preserve her reputation. So maybe I need to stop trying.”
“I think you need to move on and live your life, Deacon. You’ve been trying so hard to be a perfect family, and you just can’t force something that’s not meant to happen. Derek still has good role models, like you as a father, your mother as a woman…”