“I’m glad you could make it,” she said.
“Wild horses couldn’t have kept me away. Or wild elephants.” I smiled.
“You look nice,” she said, touching my arm as her cheeks turned pink.
I was unsure of a lot of things when it came to Carys lately, but I knew I still had an effect on her physically. But instead of feeling smug about that, it made me sad and frustrated, because I wanted her so badly. I always told myself I would know when the time was right to make a move. It hadn’t come yet.
“This was a really great idea—to have the party here,” I said.
“Well, I knew the apartment wasn’t an option, and I wanted it somewhere she could have a good time.”
“Mission accomplished.” My eyes wandered over to Sunny, swimming around in the ball pit. “Look at that face.”
Carys smiled over at her daughter, and I took that moment to stare at her gorgeous profile.
“My baby is so happy around other kids. And they’re all too young to notice or care that she looks different. It’s a beautiful age.”
I shook my head. “She was six months old when I met her. Where the hell did a year and a half go?” Of course, that reminded me I’d been gone for four months of that time. I swallowed. “Can I help you with anything?”
“No. This place is great. They have everything covered. They bring in the pizza and cake and clean everything up.”
“Well, if you need help packing those gifts into the car, I’m your man. I’ll be here till the end.” My eyes seared into hers. I wasn’t just referring to today.
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Carys wore a pink dress with thin straps and a flared skirt. The skin on her neck was slightly blotchy. I knew that happened when she was nervous.
“You look beautiful in pink. Well, you look beautiful in everything. So fucking beautiful.”
She moved her hair behind her ear. “Thank you.”
Perhaps my gaze lingered a little too long, because she excused herself to go talk to one of the other parents.
I spent the remainder of the afternoon watching Sunny having a blast and stealing glances at Carys. I wondered how this day would have been different if I hadn’t left. Carys might have been leaning against my chest as I wrapped my arms around her and watched Sunny play. Sunny might have been closer to me than she was to Charles. I reminded myself that I couldn’t be here for them the way I was now if I hadn’t freaked out, hadn’t gone home, hadn’t made peace with my demons. I knew now that I would never hurt them again.
When Sunny opened her presents, I waited anxiously for her to get to mine.
Eventually, Carys handed her the large bag I’d brought and opened the card. “It’s from Deacon, Sunny. What is it? Let’s see!” she said.
Sunny seemed more mesmerized by the pink tissue paper than anything else.
Carys helped Sunny remove a furry, gray elephant from the bag. I’d figured if she liked elephants, I couldn’t go wrong with a big, stuffed one.
“If you push on the chest, it plays a song,” I said.
Carys pressed her hand to the center of the elephant, and her mouth dropped open when the song began: “How Deep is Your Love” by the Bee Gees. I had no clue if Sunny would even recognize it.
It was a pleasant surprise when Sunny hugged the elephant to her and flashed a huge smile—the biggest one I’d contributed to since I’d been back. Her eyes turned to slits as the beautiful grin spread even wider across her face. Carys had admitted that she’d stopped playing the Bee Gees album for Sunny after I left, so I knew she hadn’t heard that song in a long time. Whether she remembered it from before or not, she was sure as hell connecting to it now. Maybe one day she’d connect to me again, too.
Charles and his kids presented their gift next: a gigantic stack of children’s books. Charles began reading off the titles, one of which was Monkey Bandit and the Naughty Ball.
Carys, standing next to me, leaned in and whispered, “Monkey balls.”
Holy shit. I started to crack up, elated that she remembered the day Mrs. Winsbanger had called me that. I’d never forget that day, our first coffee together. It all started with monkey balls, and at this moment, monkey balls gave me hope that all was not lost.
CHAPTER 30
Carys
NAUGHTY GIRL
The months since Deacon’s return had reminded me a lot of the early days of our relationship. He was there when I needed him but didn’t cross any boundaries. I knew he was being careful not to make assumptions about my readiness to let him back into my life.
It all felt a little like déjà vu because Deacon had reverted back to being a good friend I desperately wanted to have sex with. But I hadn’t let myself go there yet. I kept waiting to feel a hundred-percent sure he would never hurt me again. But is it ever possible to be absolutely certain?