“How can he just go to Minnesota if he has a life here?”
“He can work from anywhere. And his family is there.”
“He still has his apartment next door?”
“Apparently. I haven’t heard or seen anything to prove otherwise.”
She shook her head. “I’m so sorry this happened.”
I shrugged. “Better now than five years down the line when I was even more invested.”
I was trying to come off as strong, but I felt far from it. Most nights I cried myself to sleep, praying I’d wake up to find this was a dream, with Deacon’s warm body next to me. The safety I’d felt with him seemed a distant memory now. Even though he’d broken my heart, I missed him. Even more than as a lover, I missed him as a friend.
“What if he comes to his senses, returns, and begs your forgiveness?” Simone asked.
Deep down, I knew his leaving wasn’t only about me and Sunny. He had his own issues, and somehow the accident had put him in a bad place—a dark place he’d been before. While I understood that, I couldn’t get past my own hurt to fathom forgiving him. And even if I could forgive him, trust would be the bigger issue.
I squeezed my eyes shut. “It’s over. Even if he came back, I can’t trust someone who left me once not to do it again. It’s not only me I have to worry about. It’s Sunny, too. I’m better off not getting involved with anyone at this point. It’s too much of a risk. Deacon was my one shot, and it failed miserably. I won’t put my heart on the line like that again.”
A distraught look crossed Simone’s face. “That’s so sad. I feel like when the wound of this has healed, you’ll come around. It’ll take a while, but never give up hope, Carys. You’re still so young.”
Would I be able to love again? It sure as hell didn’t feel that way right now.
I rubbed my temples. “I don’t know, Simone. I really don’t.”
* * *
After Simone left, I went to get Sunny up from her nap. As I changed her diaper, she said something that threw me for a loop.
“Deek.”
My heart shattered. Was it my imagination? She hadn’t said “Deek” since he’d left. Was she only now realizing he was gone for good? Or was the sound she made just a coincidence?
Regardless of the answer, I felt compelled to say, “Deacon is gone, honey. I’m so sorry.”
I might have been reminding myself more than anything. I could only hope Sunny would begin to forget him. That was the only consolation—that she was too young to remember any of this.
* * *
Later that night, I’d just settled in on the couch to watch some TV when my phone rang. Not many people called at this hour. The noise caused me to jump, thinking it might have been Deacon.
It wasn’t.
Rather than say hello, I answered, “What do you want, Charles?”
Although I’d resigned myself to letting him come around at some point, I’d been in no place to try something new since Deacon left. So every time Charles called, I still gave him some version of the same answer: I wasn’t ready for him to see Sunny.
“I told you I wasn’t going to give up. I’ll keep calling until I get the answer I need. I would like to see my daughter.”
I wasn’t in the mood for this. “You don’t have a right to see her, so I don’t have to abide by any special timeline to give you an answer. If I let you see her, it would be out of the goodness of my heart.”
“Alright. Understood. But I can’t give up, Carys. I won’t. I made a huge mistake in how I handled things after she was born.” He expelled a long breath into the phone, sounding defeated. “And I’m sorry again that I tried to see her without your permission. As I’ve told you, it won’t happen again.”
I needed to stop prolonging the inevitable. Maybe I was feeling too weak to fight anymore, but I conceded. “You want to see her?”
“Yes,” he answered immediately.
“Come tomorrow afternoon at one.”
Charles let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Carys. Thank you.”
* * *
The next day, Charles stood at the door, holding a teddy bear bigger than Sunny.
I stepped aside. “Come in.”
He looked me up and down. “You look beautiful.”
That was comical considering I’d done nothing to make myself up. In fact, I’d intentionally dressed in jeans and a T-shirt for this.
His eyes searched the room. “Where’s Sunny?”
“She’s napping. I have to get her up. I typically don’t wake her until there’s a reason.”
When I’d told him to come at one, I hadn’t thought about the fact that Sunny might be napping. But I’d opted to keep the time anyway because I wanted to get the visit over with.