I couldn’t believe he’d left his own party. Deacon gripped my hand as we sat close together in the backseat. His leg against mine was enough to keep my entire body on alert. I wanted to straddle him right here. But the vibe he gave off right now was not exactly a sexual one. I wished he would kiss me again, but he faced away. He seemed tense as he looked out the window, his knee bopping up and down. Whatever he wanted to say was clearly weighing on his mind, and he stayed that way—distant—the entire ride home.
After paying the cab fare, we exited the vehicle and made our way inside the building and upstairs. It felt strange passing my apartment without stopping in to check on things. Deacon fumbled with his keys before he finally managed to open his front door.
My heart pounded as I entered his place. It was the first time I’d ever been inside it alone, without Sunny. I got a look at myself in the mirror just inside his door, the one I knew my daughter loved. My lips were swollen, my lipstick smudged, my hair a mess. What is happening tonight?
Deacon still seemed tense as he threw his keys on the table. He hadn’t said a word to me since we left the restaurant. I looked around at his barren apartment. A box of stuff he’d apparently planned to ship to Japan sat on the floor. There was a large suitcase in the corner—no photos or artwork hanging. It made me incredibly sad.
“Can I get you a drink?” he asked.
“Maybe some water.”
I followed him into the small kitchen, noticing for the first time how similar the layout was to mine.
Deacon took a glass out of his cabinet before opening the fridge and pouring filtered water out of a jug. He handed it to me and watched as I drank it down in one long gulp. The water felt like rainfall over a desert.
He held out his hand to take the empty glass. “More?”
“No. Thank you,” I said, handing it back.
He slammed the glass down on the counter, harder than he’d probably intended to. His chest heaved as he stood across from me.
“Tell me to stay,” he finally said.
My eyes went wide. “What?”
“I haven’t been honest with you, Carys.”
“Okay…” My heart thundered against my chest.
“I’ve given you the impression that there are things more important to me than you—like the job I accepted or the money. But all I’ve wanted is to be with you. I’ve told you before that I struggle with my feelings for you, but I made it sound like something I could control or dismiss. But I want you, Carys. Not just as a friend, but in every way—and not telling you that has been a lie of omission.”
Even though I should’ve said something, nothing would come out. I was in shock.
“After I officially accepted the position, I got this sinking feeling that I’d just made a huge mistake. It’s gotten worse every day. But here’s the thing: I’m a risk, Carys. A huge risk. I don’t know that I’m right for you. And I sure as hell can’t assure you I won’t fuck everything up eventually.” He moved closer. His lips were almost on mine when he said, “But I want to stay. I just need to know that’s what you want. It might be the biggest mistake you’ll ever make, but if you tell me to stay, I will.”
My heart pounded. “I’ve wanted to tell you to stay from the second you told me you were leaving. But I never thought it was an option. I thought this job opportunity meant a lot to you.”
“Fuck the job.” Deacon leaned his forehead on mine, his breathing intensifying. “Fuck the job. Tell me to stay.”
A tear rolled down my cheek as I whispered, “Stay.”
The moment the word escaped me, his lips were on mine, even more intensely than they had been back at the restaurant.
“I need you, Carys. Right fucking now,” he growled.
Deacon lifted me off the ground. It felt like I was floating on air as he wrapped my legs around his waist and carried me to his room, our lips never separating.
On all fours, he pinned me beneath him on the bed. “Tell me to stop if you don’t want this.”
“No,” I panted. “Please don’t stop.”
I flipped over, knowing he would have to unzip me from behind. He lowered my zipper before turning me back around to face him. He slid my dress off and removed my bra, unsnapping it effortlessly. The cold air hit my breasts, and my nipples hardened. Goosebumps covered my skin.
“I’ve missed these beautiful tits,” he groaned as he sucked my nipple into his mouth. “Dreamed about them every night since your birthday.”
My clit throbbed as if readying to come. I was already so incredibly wet, the muscles between my legs pulsating with the need to feel him inside of me.