He’s watching me, and I can tell he’s trying to figure out what I’m thinking. He has a worried look on his face, and I want to reach out to him and kiss that frown line on his forehead away.
I say the first thing I can think of. “I can’t risk everything when I’m so freshly out of my engagement. You’d be the rebound guy, Austin, and using you like that and allowing you to think that it’s more than that, well, it just can’t happen. I could never do that to you.” His frown gets deeper and I reach out for his hand. I want to say, I love you, Austin, I’ll take anything you’re willing to give, but I don’t. I need him to think when he does break it off with me, which I know he will, that I’m going to be okay. That this isn’t a big deal. “I can’t be anything more. I’m… so displaced right now. You’re my one constant and I’m on the rebound. I’m still healing. I can’t commit to anything serious. I’m not ready.”
Austin closes his sexy blue eyes and shakes his head.
I wrap both hands around his one. “I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t want you. You have to know that I do, obviously, but I can’t make you my rebound guy.”
Austin nods slowly, his eyes veiled under half closed lids. He seems to be studying me and absorbing what I’ve said.
He turns his head to the side and he’s looking at me so deeply, I’m trying to hide my true feelings from him. “You think friends with benefits would be different? How?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Well, because you’d know I’m emotionally messed up and that what we have could fizzle out, but at least we’d still be friends because we’d both know we are in it to… you know, help each other out.”
Austin laughs, and I’ve never been more grateful to hear it, but he sombers quickly and looks at me skeptically. “I’ve never known you to be a friend with benefits type of woman.”
My heart is hammering in my chest. “Well, you and I both know you’ve never been the settling down type anyway. Who better to try out the friends with benefits thing with than you?”
We’re still holding hands, and his thumb rubs over my palm in a slow, circular motion. We both watch our hands and when he looks up, I meet his gaze, holding my breath.
Finally, he mutters softly, “If that’s the only way I can have you, that’s fine.”
I’m so surprised and relieved that he’s agreed. I’m wet just from feeling and watching him stroke my hand. “So… should we get out of here?”
Now he’s surprised. “What? Now?”
Embarrassed, I try to pull my hand back. “I mean, I can wait, I mean…”
He grabs on to my hand again and looks straight into my eyes. Emotion wells inside me and it’s just too much, he sees too much. I try to avert my eyes, but he grips my chin and forces me to look at him. “Are you sure about this, Laney?”
Stubbornly, I don’t answer his question. “Are you sure about this, Austin?”
He doesn’t even hesitate. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
My heart soars and I try to tamp it down and not get too excited. I jut my chin out at him. “Well, let’s get out of here.”
He smiles then and stands up, pulling me up with him. “Let’s go.” I walk past him and he follows behind me, his hand on the small of my back. I try not to smile as we leave, but I can see the guys from the shop watching us. I should care what they’re thinking, but I don’t. All I’m thinking about is going home… with Austin.
15
Austin
I want to take her back to my place and make love to her, but instead I take her to dinner. She seemed so nervous once she was on the back of my bike that I didn’t want it to be like that. I need us to be us, the same Austin and Laney as before, and then we can take it further.
We have a good time at dinner and she seems to finally be back to normal. I take every opportunity to touch her, knowing that at some point she’s going to feel that magical, once in a lifetime charge that is trying to tell her that we are meant to be together. At least I hope she does.
We walk out of the diner an hour later and the whole way to my bike, I’m telling myself to be strong. Take it slow. Show her that we can be more.
But then I make the mistake of looking at her. She’s so fucking gorgeous and sexy. My resistance is just gone.