“We can,” I insist, searching his gaze and praying that I can find even a sliver of hope within them. “We can get through this. We’re going to be fine.”
I find his hands and lace my fingers through his, not wanting to let go as he shakes his head. “How can you say that?” he questions softly, the pain shining through his eyes so much stronger than the sun above. “Even if I could get past the fact that you betrayed me, how am I supposed to be with you knowing that I’m his son? The man who gave me life attacked you and my mother. I share his blood. How could I possibly subject you to that? You need to be away from me. You should be running for the fucking hills not trying to cling onto yet another connection to him. I’ll never be free of him, but you can.”
After the night filled with tears, I didn’t think it was possible for me to ever cry again, but tears spring to my eyes and I do everything in my power to hold them back. I don’t want to be that pathetic girl who breaks down and cries over a man. Despite last night being a completely different situation, Slade saw more tears than I’ve ever allowed another human being to witness and that was already more than I could handle. I can’t be vulnerable like that again. I won’t.
I’m strong. Independent.
“You can’t say that,” I tell him, bringing our hands between us and holding them tight. “You’re not him. You were raised by parents who love and adore you. You weren’t raised to be a monster like him. You were raised with a kind heart, good morals, and the ability to care. He doesn’t possess any of that. You. Are. Nothing. Like. Him.”
His eyes flutter closed for the briefest moment before opening them with resignation. “You’re wrong,” he murmurs. “If you weren’t there last night, I would have killed him. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I wanted to curl my fingers around his neck and squeeze it until all signs of life left his body. Is that the kind of man you want to be with? He said so himself, I’m just like him. I may have been raised differently, but I share his blood. It’s part of my DNA, a part of who I am.”
“Don’t,” I tell him. “It’s one thing to push me away, but trying to convince yourself that you’re anything like that man is insane. How can you not see it? I know him. I’ve spent thirteen years with him and I know damn well, that you are nothing like that.”
“How can you not see it?” he shoots back at me.
“Because I know you,” I rush out, hating the traitorous tears as they fall to my cheeks. I press my finger into his chest, feeling the desperation starting to crush me. “I didn’t fall in love with someone like that. I fell in love with this incredible man sitting before me, with the man that I know you are, not this insane version that you’re trying to convince yourself that you are. That’s not you.”
His head falls back against the house as his chest rises and falls with rapid movements. He stares at me, holding my gaze hostage, neither one of us ready to look away.
A whole minute of silence passes when he takes my hips and lifts us both off the ground. He gently grazes his lips over mine before dropping his forehead to mine. “You’re not in love with me, Virago. You just want to be.”
With that, he starts to pull away and I stare after him, unable to catch my breath.
Slade starts making his way down the sidewalk and is just passing the boundary line of my property when I call out to him. “Wait,” I call over a lump in my throat. He turns back and what I see in his eyes nearly breaks me. He’s broken and I realize that saying those words tore him apart. Maybe he is capable of love after all.
He waits patiently as I take a few steps toward him, refusing to get any closer to the man who’s intent on breaking my heart. “Your mom…” I start. “There may be a whole lot of unresolved shit between us right now, but at least stop hurting her. She’s been through enough. She’s worried about you.”
“Stay out of it, Sky. This is between me and my mom.”
“I can’t, Slade. I know what she’s feeling. I know what it’s like to lose you and I sure as hell know what it’s like to have your innocence stolen by that man, to be left feeling ashamed and scared. Yes, she kept this from you to protect you from the truth, and yeah, I know it sucks, but hasn’t she been through enough?” I take a breath and another step toward him. “I get it, okay, keep punishing me if it makes each day easier for you, but stop hurting her. She’s been dealing with this for over twenty years and she’s scared, so fucking scared, Slade. He’s coming for her just as much as he’s coming for me and instead of being there for her and letting her know that no matter what, you’re going to protect her, you’re pushing her away.”