“I need to go, um. It’s our first Christmas together and I need to be with him.”
“Who is him?” Cooper asks.
My mother takes off her apron. “I’ll drive you.”
“No. I’m going to get an Uber,” I say, grabbing my phone, and ordering one.
“This is going to be your first Christmas away from home,” Cooper says with a sad face, his eyes blinking tears away.
I walk to him and wrap my arms around his waist. “I love him, Dad.” I cry in his chest. “I love him and I just left him to be with you guys, but…”
He kisses my head as he rubs my shoulders as I cry into his chest. “He should know how lucky he is.”
I nod, wiping away the tears as I try to get an Uber in Long Island to drive me all the way back to Soho.
“Why is she crying?” Matthew asks as he comes into the kitchen, picking up a piece of bread.
“I have to get an Uber,” I say, looking down, sending request after request. At this rate, I may have to steal my father’s car and drive back to the city.
“Why?” he says as he sits down at the table and I look up at him.
I love my brother and would lay my life down for his in a heartbeat, but I love Max wholeheartedly.
“Because I need to go back. I just have to.”
“I’ll drive you,” he says, not asking questions, not asking why, just doing what I knew he was going to do, make me happy. I’m about to accept when my phone pings.
“Yes?” I say as I see the driver is ten minutes away. “I got one.” I throw my hands in the air. “I need to say goodbye.” I go to my sisters first, hugging them, and then Justin.
Karrie whispers good luck to me as I go to hug Matthew.
“I love you,” I tell him as I hug him.
“He better fucking cherish you or I’m going to skate over his dick with my skates.” He kisses my head. “After I ram my stick up his ass.”
I laugh, thinking about that picture.
“He does,” I say, going to hug my mother next. “Thank you,” I tell her and then whisper in her ear, “for everything.”
She grabs my face after letting go of me and looks me in the eyes. “He better do good.” Then she nods to Matthew. “Or I’ll sic that one on him.” She nods to the side. “And that one.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, nodding as I walk to the door where Cooper is waiting with me with my jacket. “You call me when you get there. You hear?” he says as I put my arms through the sleeves, turning around, the scene bringing me back to when I was six and he was getting me ready for school when Mom was in bed.
“If at any time you want to leave, or come back, you call me and I’ll come and get you.”
“Okay, Dad,” I say, grabbing his hands. “You know how I know that I love him?” I look at his surprised face. “He looks at me like you look at Mom. Like she hangs the moons and stars.”
“Honey, she does,” he says. “I swear if he treats you bad or breaks your heart, I will rain down the house on him.” He kisses my head. “While I have him buried under it. Your mom and I have been watching The Sopranos. I know lots of things now.”
I laugh at him as my phone shows me that my ride is outside. “I love you, Dad,” I say, hugging him, and then running out to the waiting car.
I don’t text him the whole time I ride to his house. The road’s almost deserted. I look down at the picture that Denise sent me almost an hour ago. The three of them sitting at a table, Max’s smile, not lighting up his eyes. My legs start bouncing up and down as I watch the road and get closer and closer to him. My phone pings again with a picture of Denise leaving with four bags of food. I guess he ordered too much. I laugh and look up, knowing I’m finally here. I thank the driver and run up the stairs, trying to get there faster and faster. I dump my bag and grab the key out of my purse, opening it, and swinging it open to see the room dark, almost black, but the shades are open so the lights from outside are coming in, but the lights from the tree light up everything.
“Max,” I say, throwing my key on the counter as he comes around the corner from his bedroom, wearing nothing but his shorts.
“Allison,” he says almost in a whisper.
“I love you,” I say to him from my side of the room, tears now streaming down my face as he stands there looking at me, making sure I’m real. “I love you. I didn’t say it before because I was”—I throw my hands in the air—“I don’t even know why. But sitting there at my parents’ house, with all my family, something was missing. A piece of me was missing.” I wipe the tears that are coming down. “It was missing because it was here with you.”