“You didn’t raise me at all,” I snapped back, regretting the words as soon as they were out of my mouth.
“I’ll pass along the message,” he said quietly, and his lack of anger at my words made my chest ache.
“Dad—”
He hung up before I could say another word.
Christ.
Why hadn’t I gotten over the need to say whatever shitty thing popped into my head the moment I got angry? I never said mean shit to my kids, no matter how frustrated I was, but that didn’t seem to extend to adults. It was like my filter completely vanished the moment I got worked up. It wasn’t the first time I’d hurt Mike’s feelings, but that didn’t mean that I felt good about it. If anything, knowing that he’d been putting up with my shit for over twelve years just made me feel worse about the comment I’d made.
I didn’t have time to call him back again. Instead, I perched my cover on my head and walked toward my room to get my bags.
It was finally time to go home.
* * *
My house was closed up and silent when I arrived a few days later.
Kate hadn’t brought my kids home.
I had a flight booked and was on my way to the airport two hours later.
Seven hours after I’d touched down in San Diego, I was walking through the Portland airport with nothing more than a backpack full of clothes I’d found folded in my dresser and enough rage to keep anyone from speaking to me. It must have been rolling off me in waves.
I rented a small car and headed east toward my parents’ property almost an hour away. It had been quite a while since I’d driven those roads, but some things you just never forget, and I pulled up to my parents’ house at seven that night without incident.
“Anyone home?” I called as I walked in the unlocked front door.
“Shane?” Mike said in confusion as he walked out of one of the guest rooms. “What in the world?”
He rushed forward, hugging me tightly when he reached me. It was as if the conversation a few days ago had never happened. “What are you doing here?”
“Came to get the kids. Where are they?”
“Ellie took them to—” His words were cut off as the front door opened and in rushed my children.
“Mike, who’s here—?”
“Daddy!”
I dropped to my knees as Keller and Sage ran to me, grasping at my shirt and wrapping their little arms around my neck.
“I missed you guys so much,” I whispered into their hair, kissing them both before raising my head to see Gavin and Gunner keeping their distance. They watched us from near the front door, and Gunner had one arm wrapped tight around Ellie’s jean-clad thigh.
“Hey, boys,” I called gently. “I missed you.”
Gavin was cautiously looking me over and took a small step forward, but there was absolutely no recognition in Gunner’s eyes. He didn’t remember me, not even after all the Skype chats.
That killed me.
“Have you been having fun with Grandma and Grandpa?” I asked, and suddenly Gavin was running forward and almost knocking me on my ass when he hit the tangle of small bodies already wrapped around me.
“Hey, buddy,” I said with a smile, my throat thickening and making my words come out hoarse.
I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. Finally. God, I’d missed them.
Ellie picked up Gunner as he began to fuss, and I stood up, setting the kids down on their feet. They kept their hands on me, but all three stayed quiet. I understood their silence. I wanted to just soak it in for a minute, too.
“Where’s Kate?” I asked Ellie, looking past her at the front door.
“She’s at the hospital,” Ellie answered slowly.
“What?” My voice echoed through the room, making the kids startle.
“Auntie Kate has to stay in bed all the time,” Keller piped up, tipping his head back to look at me. “So the baby doesn’t come out.”
“Explain,” I ordered, panic starting to flutter in my stomach.
“She’s been on bed rest, what, three weeks now?” Ellie asked Mike.
“Yeah. About three weeks.”
“She was having contractions last week, and they admitted her overnight so they could stop them. They let her go home the next day, but the contractions started up again yesterday. Looks like they’ll be keeping her in there for a while now.”
My anger faded, and confusion set in.
“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“Kate didn’t want you to worry—”
“That’s bullshit.”
“It’s what she wanted.”
“What hospital?” I was already lifting my hand off Keller’s head to reach in my pocket for the keys to the rental car.
“OHSU,” Mike said as I leaned down to kiss the kids again.
“They won’t let you in tonight,” Ellie informed me, walking forward as she switched Gunner from one hip to the other. “Visiting hours are over, and they’re strict about that stuff. Kate needs to rest.”