I climbed in bed and stared at the ceiling.
Never in my life had I worried so much about what a woman besides my mother, aunt, or cousins thought. I’d never really cared enough. Sure, I was careful with women’s feelings and I treated them well, but I’d never worried that something I said would make them bail.
If I was being honest with myself, my worries about Morgan cutting contact went far deeper than her allowing Etta to get to know us. That was a concern, always, but in the time I’d known them, Morgan had become just as important. I craved her like I’d never craved anything in my life, even knowing how wrong it was. I wanted them both, and that scared the shit out of me.
* * *
“Monday morning,” my cousin Alex yelled through the phone as soon as I’d answered the next day. “I just love a Monday morning!”
“Are you drunk?” I asked tiredly, contemplating hanging up as I strode toward my office. “Some of us are working.”
“I’ve been at work for hours,” he replied. “I’m just so glad it’s Monday.”
“What do you want?”
“Just calling to say hello. Shoot the shit. Chat. See how it’s going with Etta and the hot mom.”
“Who told you she’s hot?” I asked, coming to an abrupt stop.
“No one.” He started chuckling. “But Kate said you had a thing with her, and by your tone, our dear Katherine was correct.”
“Oh, fuck you,” I muttered, continuing to my desk so I could sit down and put my feet up. After riding half the night, and tossing and turning the other half while I waited for an acceptable time to text Morgan back, my entire body was aching and I was so tired my eyes were burning.
“I gotta say,” he continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “This development surprises me. You and Hen never had the same type.”
“She’s everyone’s type,” I snapped back, lacking my usual finesse. “Fuck, I didn’t mean that. Forget I said it.”
“That pretty, huh?”
“Is there a point to this conversation?”
“Not really,” Alex said sunnily. “Just checking in with you. We haven’t talked in over a month.”
“Sorry, man,” I murmured, feeling instantly guilty. I hadn’t been very good at returning calls, even though part of me was anxious to talk to everyone daily just in case something happened. I’d rarely talked to my brother while he was away and then suddenly I didn’t have any more chances. I didn’t want that to happen ever again.
“No worries,” Alex said. “Just figured it was time.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” I said, thankful that the discussion had veered away from Morgan. “How you been?”
“Good. Just working a lot.”
Something in his tone was off.
“And?” I asked.
“Met someone,” he said, his voice a bit more serious.
“Oh, yeah?” I wasn’t sure what to say. Alex had always been more of a playboy than anything else. I didn’t remember him ever bringing up a woman in conversation.
“She’s great, Trev. Seriously. Not sure she likes me all that much, though.” He chuckled a little uncomfortably.
“No fucking way.” I laughed. Even Morgan had reminded me how attractive the fairer sex found my cousin. I’d never once heard him complain about striking out or even coming close.
“She’s…serious. About everything, man. I can barely get her to laugh.” He sighed. “When she does, though, it’s like Christmas.”
“Oh, Jesus,” I mumbled, making him laugh.
“I know, I know. I sound like a dumbass.”
“Slightly.” He did sound like a jackass, but what really bothered me was the easy way he spoke about the woman. I was so jealous of him I could barely see straight.
“She’s great, man. Really. I think you’ll like her.”
“I’m going to meet her?”
“Eventually, if all goes well, yeah.”
My mouth nearly dropped open in surprise. He was actually serious.
“Whoa.”
“Yeah. Whoa.”
We were both silent for a long moment.
“So, am I gonna meet Morgan?” he asked finally. “That’s her name, right?”
“You’ve already met her,” I replied. “Surprised no one has shared that little tidbit of information with you.”
“What?”
I spent the next twenty minutes explaining to him how Morgan had lived with us as a kid, and trying to describe what she looked like without comparing her to Christmas the way he’d done with his new girl. Even without flowery descriptions, though, I was pretty sure he saw right through me. Thankfully, he didn’t give me too much shit about it, and eventually we got off the phone, agreeing that we’d make a point to talk more often.
I actually felt better after our conversation. My infatuation with Morgan seemed less and less obscene the more she came up in conversation, even though I really didn’t want to be discussing her with anyone. Knowing that neither Alex nor Kate seemed angry about my little infatuation made the entire situation more palatable, I guess. They made me feel like less of a creep for slobbering after my little brother’s ex. The guilt, though, was still there, slithering underneath my skin.