“Really?”
“Yep. Anywhere from ten to thirty-five dollars a diaper, usually.” Those diapers had come slowly to us. I’d had to save here and there, putting away five-dollar bills when I had them until I had enough for each one.
“Jesus.”
“Cool thing about those, though, is that they’re one size, so she’s been using them for a long time. I won’t have to get any more, she’ll just wear them until she potty trains.”
“Why, uh, why did you decide to do that?” he asked. “If that’s not a rude question.”
I laughed. “Not at all.” Etta came toward me, and I sat down, pulling her onto my lap. I grabbed her blankie and stuffed animal from our bag. As soon as she was holding them, she popped her thumb into her mouth and her body relaxed against mine. “So, when she was tiny we were pretty strapped,” I smiled ruefully, remembering just how strapped we’d been. “And I somehow saw this chat room with all these moms who were cloth diapering and loved it. At first I just grabbed what I could, secondhand waterproof covers, flat old-fashioned diapers made out of towels, stuff like that. Crazily, it worked better than I’d expected. Eventually, I got some more expensive and easier-to-use diapers whenever I had a little extra cash, and now she’s all stocked up.”
“Huh,” Trevor said contemplatively.
“Plus, she’s not filling the landfills with her poo,” I pointed out, complete with my finger pointed in the air. “All green, baby.”
“Always a plus,” Trevor said, laughing. “I wouldn’t want to be cleaning poo off diapers, but no judgment.”
I rolled my eyes in amusement. “When it’s your kid, it’s different. Plus, you know how many times she pooped through her disposable diapers? That was nasty. I had to clean her from the neck down and I still had to clean poo off clothes, so…”
“Point taken,” Trevor said, raising his hands in surrender. He was leaning casually against the counter on the other edge of the room, with his bare feet crossed at the ankles.
“And the diapers she wears now don’t have any chemicals rubbing against her skin all day—”
“You win,” Trevor interrupted, his smile huge. “You’re a genius and I’m just a lowly disposable-diaper supporter.”
“Still?”
“Cloth diapers all the way, now,” he said teasingly. “I’ve been converted.”
“I always knew I’d make a difference in the world,” I joked wistfully, making him laugh.
“Looks like she’s down for the count,” he replied, nodding toward Etta.
I nodded without looking down at her. I’d felt her body go limp the moment she fell asleep. “I should probably get her home,” I said, making sure I hadn’t left anything on the bed before getting to my feet. Finally, I had a legit reason for leaving.
“I’ll get that for you,” Trevor insisted as he pulled our bag from my hand. “I can walk you down.”
We were quiet as we made our way to my car. It wasn’t an awkward silence, like we’d dealt with before, but felt more like neither of us knew what to say because we had no idea when we’d see each other again. He lived in Oregon and I wasn’t sure how long he’d be visiting, but I had to work for the next six days and there was no way I’d be able to make time for him to see Etta. By the time I got home from work every day, Etta and I were both completely beat.
“Thanks for letting me see her,” Trevor said after I’d buckled a still-sleeping Etta into her car seat. “Really. Thank you.”
“Of course,” I replied with a small smile. As much as I wanted to keep Etta all to myself and was afraid of what the Harris family showing up in her life might mean, I wasn’t a monster.
“So, I’ll get in touch with you about visits and stuff?”
“Sounds good.” I nodded. In the back of my mind I knew that I could always blow them off if I needed to, especially with them living in a different state.
“It was really nice to meet you…again.”
“You too,” I replied, and I meant it.
One awkward hug later and I was in my car and headed home. It had been such a weird day, my emotions were out of control. I couldn’t wait to get home so I could curl up in a ball with a cup of coffee and try to make sense of the impact that the Harris family would have on our lives.
* * *
Late that night, I was wrapped in a blanket on the couch watching TV when my phone dinged with a new message. My eyes widened when Trevor’s name popped up on the screen.
I wanted to thank you again for today. I can’t even explain what it felt like to see a little bit of Henry in Etta.
I smiled and swallowed the lump in my throat. I understood how Trevor felt. I got to look into the little copy of Henry’s face every day. I was sure at some point I wouldn’t think of him as often as I did, but as of now, it was hard to ignore their resemblance.