I was scared that Lily would never be able to see again. I was afraid something would go wrong with Callie.
I was afraid that it wasn’t over and something else would happen.
Someone else would die.
I was terrified to leave my parents’ house, even for the club. It was the first place I’d felt comfortable since I’d found out I was pregnant. Not even Cam could console me anymore.
I no longer trusted him to be my safe place when I fell.
It probably wasn’t fair that I’d expected him to catch me when I was falling. He had his own concerns, his own worries to deal with. I knew that. But I couldn’t help but resent him for pulling away when I’d needed him.
And I guess a small part of me felt like letting him deal with his grief alone was a sick form of justice. I’d needed him and he’d been either too blind or too stubborn to see it, and now when he needed me, I couldn’t find it in me to help him.
I ached with loss, my mind and body weary—but I wouldn’t lean on him. I wouldn’t go to him and tell him that I was scared. I wouldn’t cry to him in my grief.
I’d tried that before. I’d tried to burrow in close to him like he could shield me from my fears, but he’d literally turned his back to me.
He hadn’t left me, but he hadn’t seen me, either.
So I no longer had anything to give him.
It was becoming clearer and clearer to me that I could have the baby, or I could have Cameron. My nightmares were only growing worse, my fears multiplying. I wasn’t strong enough to have both.
“What’re you doin’ out here?” my pop asked, opening the door slightly so he could follow me outside.
“Hey, when did you get home?” I asked, looking at him out of the corner of my eye.
“Just now. Will and Leo are both passed out on my couch,” he grumbled, making me grin.
“It’s like old times,” I said softly, leaning into him as he sat down and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
“You okay, Little Warrior?”
“Yeah, I’m okay.”
“Don’t seem okay.”
“I’m getting there. Pop—” my words stuttered for a moment, then came out strong but soft. “Pop, do you think I could have my old room for a while?”
His body stiffened beside me and I swallowed hard.
“Why?” he asked bluntly.
“I don’t want to keep my apartment. I was hoping I could stay here until I—before the—while I’m pregnant.”
“You don’t think Hulk’s gonna have somethin’ to say about that? The fuck is going on, Bellatrix?”
I pulled away from his arm and stood from the steps, walking into the yard a little before turning to face him.
“I’m sure he’ll be pissed, but he’ll get over it,” I told him tonelessly.
“You’re sure,” he scoffed, shaking his head.
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
“What fuckin’ planet you livin’ on?”
“We’re not good, okay? We haven’t been good in a while. This’ll be a relief.”
“You’re havin’ his baby, Trix. I’m a man. I’ve been there. Ain’t no way he’s lettin’ you go if he can stop it.”
“He can’t stop it,” I snapped in frustration.
We both went silent for a long moment, staring at each other.
“You want me to step in,” he said softly, looking me over like he was trying to figure me out. “You’re askin’ me to live here so you don’t have to fight him on it. You’ll just leave it to me.”
“No—” I tried to argue as my pop’s jaw clenched in frustration.
“You’re always welcome here, Bellatrix,” he cut me off, getting to his feet. “Love havin’ ya. But this ain’t my fight unless you tell me he did somethin’ to you and I need to take care of it. That the case?”
“No,” I whispered, tucking my thumbs into my palms so I wouldn’t fidget.
“You tell Cam you’re movin’ in here—then you can.” He stepped forward and kissed the top of my head. “Your mother is havin’ a tough time as it is, girl—no way I’m havin’ your man showin’ up and causin’ drama, makin’ things worse for her. Understand?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Sounds like your mom’s makin’ dinner early.” Pop nodded to the window behind us. “You stayin’?”
“Yeah, I’ll stay.”
I watched him pull open the screen and reach for the door handle before he paused.
“I’ll always look out for you, Little Warrior,” he said softly, not turning to look at me. “Always. But don’t do somethin’ you can’t come back from. That boy loves you—no matter what you’re thinkin’ right now, or whatever the fuck is goin’ on. He’s loved you since he was a kid, and that ain’t gonna change.”
“It’s not enough.”
“Sometimes it is.”
He left me outside without another word.
* * *
We were sitting down to dinner that evening after Will had left for home when Pop’s phone started ringing.