“Sure,” Leah said, shrugging. “You know, when I was a math tutor, I realized that I needed to put things into terms that my students could understand. Deal with things that they had actually experienced. A lot of times, I’d remind them that if they failed, they’d only have to take the class over again, which meant prolonging the torture.”
I understood what she was saying, but not quite what she was getting at. “Maybe it’s not so much the threat of losing it or never getting it—maybe it’s the reminder that otherwise they’re going to have to go back to the way things were before you got big,” she said.
I blinked down at her. “That’s not a bad idea,” I said slowly. Then, I shook my head. “I’m not sure they’re listening, though.”
Leah grinned at me. “You weren’t much interested in listening to me about the drumming, either, until I threatened to go to the landlord,” she reminded me.
I snorted, unable to help my amusement. I felt even more guilty at having disturbed her that night, even if I was happy with the way things had ended, with her here in my arms.
“Maybe I should have you talk to them,” I suggested teasingly. “You could put the fear of God in them.”
Leah laughed, and there was something so sweet and pure about the sound that I couldn’t help but kiss her again. She allowed me to for a moment, then slowly detangled herself from me. “I need to get some sleep,” she said, getting to her feet and grabbing her discarded robe.
I felt disappointment boil inside of me. I could tell that she didn’t mean to stay there. Still, I couldn’t help but mention, “My bed is just this way.”
Leah shook her head, but there was a fleeting look of regret on her face. “I can’t,” she said gently. She cleared her throat. “I have a meeting early tomorrow morning, and I really need to be rested for it.”
I wondered if it was another excuse, if she was just trying to get away from me like she had the last time. I guess it didn’t really matter either way. The point was, she wasn’t staying.
I was disappointed by that. I couldn’t remember ever being so invested in sleeping arrangements before. Still, I forced myself to get slowly to my feet. There was a part of me that was kicking myself. Maybe if I hadn’t fucked her right there in the hallway, maybe if I had taken her to the bedroom like the prized catch that she was, then she wouldn’t feel like this was nothing more than a quick fling.
Maybe she would have felt like she could stay.
In any case, it was too late for those regrets now. She was re-robed, smiling gently up at me. She stood on her tiptoes and gave me one last kiss, but this one was quick and emotionless. “See ya,” she said. Then, she headed back to her place, leaving me alone in my front hall.
I headed into the living room, looking longingly at my drums. But no. As much as I wanted to summon her back over here, I wouldn’t do that to her. She had said that she had a meeting in the morning. I could only imagine how pissed she would be if I kept her up all night.
Besides, I didn’t really feel all that much like drumming anymore. I felt quietly restless, but it didn’t feel like drumming could fix things. I needed to do something productive. Something like talking to my bandmates.
There was nothing I could do right now, though. I headed into my room and climbed into bed. In spite of the earlier exertion, it was a long time before I fell asleep.
16
Leah
I looked around the bar, trying not to feel out of place. I was in a dim booth with Piper, and Jayson’s band was about to play. I had been excited when Piper suggested we go to the show. I had looked up the band’s gig schedule on their social media pages, but I hadn’t wanted to go alone. Still, I hadn’t felt comfortable asking Piper if she wanted to go with me, not after I had told her about sleeping with Jayson.
I hadn’t told her about the second incident, the one that had involved him fucking me right there in the middle of the hallway. I still got shivers thinking back to it, but I couldn’t help wondering if maybe I should have felt ashamed of myself.
Who was I, anyway? How had I gone from someone who never had one-night stands to someone who let someone fuck them on the floor as though… Well, as though I was just some needy groupie.
I didn’t know how to talk to Piper about all of it, the crisis of confidence in who I was. I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe coming to LA had been a mistake, but since I had only moved to LA because of the job and because Piper was my coworker at said job, I knew that telling her about it all could complicate things.