I didn’t know what I was waiting for. After talking with Piper, I had been so sure that this was what I wanted. Or rather, I at least wanted to see where things might go with him.
I guess I’d been waiting for some sign from him, though. I didn’t expect him to chase me, but I had thought I would, I don’t know, hear something from him. I had gone over there with a pizza, after all. He could return the favor, invent some sort of excuse. I didn’t have to make all the moves, did I?
I didn’t think I was capable of making all the moves. That just wasn’t like me.
So when he didn’t come after me, I didn’t know what to do. Finally, I’d realized that if I wanted something to happen, I was going to have to make a move. I’d put on the lingerie under my robe, hoping to surprise him, and I’d waited and waited for him to come home.
It had been late when he finally did, and I had tried not to feel too worried about it. It didn’t mean he had been with a girl, it just meant that his band had something going on that night. That was all.
When he did come home, though, it was with the singer of the band. And on the singer’s arms were two beautiful women. I had felt my heart clench in my chest. One of those girls was there for Jayson. I was sure of it.
I felt like such a fool. He was a rock star. Girls were constantly throwing themselves at him. Girls would continue to constantly throw themselves at him. He was only going to get more popular. His fame was only going to get greater.
Piper had had all the right words, but she had been wrong when she said that I could have him, that I was better than those other girls. I had been right. It had been just a one-night thing to him. He didn’t care if I had a brain or not. In fact, it was probably better, in his eyes, if I didn’t have a brain.
I rolled over, pulling a pillow over my head. It didn’t block out the sound of his drumming, though.
I remembered what he had said before, about how drumming was a release for him. I wished I could find some release, but as far as my brain was concerned, the only release I might find that night would be through sex with him, and that wasn’t going to happen.
I kept telling myself that if I could just ignore him for long enough, then maybe my crush on him would go away. Instead, it only seemed to get worse, and it was proving impossible to really avoid him when we shared a wall.
In any case, it wasn’t as though I could avoid him any longer. Not when things were like this. I wasn’t going to march over there in lingerie, but neither was I going to let him keep me up all night as he banged away on his drums. Not when I had an important meeting in the morning. No way. I needed to get some sleep.
I climbed out of bed, cussing all the while. How was it possible that I wanted the guy, when he was such an ass? He had absolutely no regard for anyone other than himself. Clearly. I didn’t care what sort of personal trouble he was going through at the moment, what sort of things he was working through. You just didn’t start slamming on drums in the middle of the night.
I pulled on my robe, wondering as I did so whether I shouldn’t put on something a bit more substantial. I remembered the way he had leered at me that first time I went over there. What exactly was I looking for?
I told myself that the only reason I didn’t change was because I shouldn’t have to get fully dressed and march over there in the middle of the night. I wasn’t sure if that was the full truth, though. Nor did I want to examine any of that too closely. He was an ass, and I didn’t want to believe he was anything other, or that I couldn’t possibly hold myself back, knowing he was an ass.
I banged on his door. When Jayson answered, his face was stormy. As though he had a right to be upset. As though he was the one who was being kept up in the middle of the night by a rude neighbor.
I gathered myself to yell at him, but something in his expression gave me pause. He was clearly upset about something, and I could tell from the way he was avoiding looking at me, from the way his hands were jammed in his pockets, that it had nothing to do with my knocking on the door.