I still wasn’t feeling at my absolute best. What people called morning sickness didn’t just strike in the morning. It tended to linger with me mostly in the afternoon and sometimes when I very first woke up. Managing it had become somewhat paradoxical. Now that I knew I wasn’t actually ill and instead was just coping with pregnancy symptoms, I had to find ways to deal with them and still be able to function every day. But that meant eating lunch and sometimes dinner would inevitably make me feel sick to my stomach, but if I didn’t eat crackers before I even put my feet on the floor when I woke up in the morning, I was likely to feel sick, too. I also realized eating snacks throughout the morning would help to calm everything down, and sometimes I was able to get a small meal in later in the day. I learned to subsist on protein shakes to get in enough nutrition, and I hoped this stage would be over soon.
Olivia was still the only person in my life who knew, and I honestly still had no idea what I was going to do about it. It was such a strange concept, something I never expected and never really thought about. I didn’t know what to think about it, much less how to handle it. I couldn’t decide if I should tell Quentin. Though if I were to listen to Olivia, that wasn’t even an option. She was very clear in her belief that I had to tell him. It wasn’t up to me to decide if he should know or not. This was as much his baby as it was mine, and he had the right to make his decision about how he felt about it just as much as I did.
That was a lot to think about. Not just if to tell him, but how to tell him, and how I was going to cope with however he reacted. After all, I wasn’t going to be able to keep it a secret for too much longer, and unless I wanted to quit my job before I started showing, I needed to figure my shit out.
At least being at the complex alone meant I didn’t have to try to impress anybody with what I was wearing or look even close to professional. I could just relax and do what I needed to do at my own pace. It was a blisteringly hot day, so I chose shorts and a tank top. No one else was around, so I turned my music on and had it blasting to keep me company and keep my energy up. I was lost in the rhythm of one of my favorite songs and the pattern of checking analytics when a knock scared me. Jumping back, I looked up at the door and saw Quentin standing there. His hand was still hovered over where he leaned in to knock on the open door. I immediately noticed he didn’t look like I was used to. Rather than his suit or slacks and button-up, he was wearing shorts and an old college T-shirt. It was charming to see him that way, looking like just a normal person who could kick back and have fun without having to think about work.
The irony wasn’t lost on me that I was seeing him look that way while he was in fact at work. But at least now I knew he owned those clothes, which meant that was a possibility of another side of him I didn’t know. Even when we were at the bar celebrating my brother getting his new position, he’d been in his business clothes and carried himself with a certain degree of tension. The only time he let go was when we were kissing. And when we were on my desk. And when we were on the bench at the side of the pond.
Which brought me to this awkward moment as I stood staring at him, wondering if he could sense something different about me. Was that even possible? Maybe that was a bit on the far side, but the way he was looking at me made me wonder. There was a look in his eyes I didn’t really know how to interpret. There was no way he could see anything yet. I was only a few weeks along, so nothing was different. But he was looking at me with some sort of expectation.
Finally, Quentin mumbled an apology and a string of other words I didn’t quite catch. Something about not knowing anyone else was here and wondering where the music was coming from. He rushed away down the hall before I had a chance to say anything back. I stood there and stared at the empty doorframe for a while, wondering what that interaction was all about. He hadn’t interacted with me directly in weeks, not even at the tailgate event. I’d made it a point to not be alone with him at any time and did my best to avoid getting near him at all. And yet he showed up at my office and stared at me like he was waiting for something.