Or I could try to talk to her. At least let her know I was open to having a conversation if she was. It was possible she just didn’t want to be the one to broach the subject. I thought about this through the end of the movie, then headed to bed. I reached for my phone as I got under the covers and sent off a fast text to her.
Do we need to talk?
I moved to set my phone back down on the nightstand, figuring I probably wouldn’t hear back from her until the next morning. But before my hand even left the phone, it alerted to a return message from her.
No.
That was it. Just a simple “no.” It seemed nothing if not final, and that only made me hate myself even more.
30
Merry
Somehow despite all my promises to myself, all my contemplation about what happened and resolutions in my mind that I was enough of an adult to handle whatever feelings were happening inside me, it had happened again. I had made another mistake. Only this time, it was exponentially worse. Worse because I should have learned from the first time I made it. And worse because of how it happened. Sex outside, in the middle of the day, on work property. Not even in the privacy of an office. Just right out in the open next to the pond where anybody could have stumbled on us at any second. It wasn’t just embarrassing because of what we were doing, but because of what it said about us. About me. What kind of woman had that little control over herself? What kind of woman couldn’t deal with inconvenient attraction the way a normal adult does, but shoving it down and pretending it wasn’t there?
Or maybe that’s not the way a normal adult would handle it at all, because people didn’t end up forming feelings for their bosses and then giving in to them. I didn’t even recognize myself when I got home that night. Quentin probably thought I’d gone right back to work as soon as we were done. I wouldn’t really expect him to think anything less, considering that’s what I told him I was doing before hurrying away. In reality, I went right to the parking lot and I drove home. I called Brandon when I got back to the apartment and told him I would pick him up after work, but he could tell something was wrong and said he would just get a rideshare. I spent the rest of the day curled up on my living room couch, contemplating how I managed to get to this place.
Several times throughout the day, I reached for my phone, thinking about whether or not I should contact Quentin. On the other hand, I had no idea what I would say to him if I did. I didn’t even know what I was thinking or feeling, so how could I possibly express it to him? That was a conversation I didn’t want to face, especially not now. So, when I got a text from him that night asking if we needed to talk, I simply told him no. He didn’t push, didn’t insist. Finally, I felt like we could drop it.
Unfortunately for me and my state of mind, not everybody shared that sentiment. I dug my heels in, more committed than ever to making sure I was doing a good job and being a benefit to the company. Quentin had been extremely clear when he told me there were no rules against fraternization and my job wasn’t at risk, but I’d been in the professional sphere long enough to know just because there wasn’t a rule against something didn’t mean you should just go ahead and do it. I didn’t want to look like I was slacking off or becoming complacent. I didn’t want it to fuel any rumors around the complex that I was a boss’s pet and getting extra perks on the job because of some relationship with him. So, I tucked my head down and dedicated myself to work. I was polite to everyone to a fault, got to work early and left late, worked harder than I ever had. And very purposely avoided working with Quentin alone at any time.
But Minnie wasn’t having any of the pretending. As far as I was concerned, no mention of any relationship between Quentin and I needed to see the light of day ever again. She didn’t agree. Just a week after Quentin and I had sex again, she came to my office to talk. At first, she said it was just to check in. But considering in all the time I’d worked at the company she hadn’t stopped by my office at all and instead had relied on me coming to her, I knew it wasn’t just to make sure we were still building up our Twitter followers. She wanted to check in with me about Quentin and the stories she’d heard.