“That’s quite an accomplishment in such a short time. When I approved the program, I expected it to be moderately effective as complementary treatment for ten or twelve of our PTSD clients at the department. The fact that your numbers have increased so steadily due largely to word of mouth is something to be proud of. I wanted to commend you personally on this.”
“Oh, thank you,” I said, taken by surprise. She wasn’t firing me! She was complimenting me. I wasn’t sure I could deal with the emotional whiplash.
“You’re welcome. I’m quite proud that the offering has been so successful in such a short time. How has your attendance been?” she asked. I knew she knew the answer.
“In the original section, I believe one patient quit. In the section I run now, all of the nine originals remain as well as a number of new attendees which seems to increase weekly. At last Wednesday’s session, we had an attendance of twenty-two, which is why I asked my department lead if I could add a third section in the September, just having it at seven after the first one ends. I think in a group focused on trauma the ideal capacity has been found to be around twelve people.”
“I’m certain we can approve a third group. Do you want to handle that yourself or outsource it to Alan?”
“I’d be more than happy to take it on. It would follow my six pm group, so it only makes sense.”
“Sounds good. There’s only one thing. I wasn’t clear on why you tapped Alan to take over the original group. Would you mind explaining that to me?” she asked.
I took a slow breath and tried to decide what to say. I had to tell the truth or close to it since she likely already knew. I felt sweat slide from my armpit all the way down my side. I would definitely suck at being interrogated, that was for sure. I probably would’ve confessed to murder I was so freaked out.
“It was a conflict of interests on my part, I’m afraid. One of the patients was my best friend’s brother-in-law. I know its policy at the department not to treat family members, and although Maggie and I aren’t related, we’re like sisters and we tell each other everything. It didn’t feel appropriate to me,” I said, hoping to God that she’d buy it.
She nodded. “If you were uncomfortable, you did the right thing. Now, is he still participating?”
“No. He withdrew from the group.”
“Have you spoken to him about it?” she asked. “Perhaps he would come back now that Alan is in charge of that section.”
“I did speak to him when I was out at the vineyard visiting Maggie and Danny—my godson. I suggested private counseling with Alan actually if he didn’t want to continue group. He didn’t want to consider either at this time.”
“I wonder why,” she said speculatively, but mercifully didn’t pursue the topic further. “At any rate, I’m glad you could come in and discuss the program with me. I’m certain we can expand it as needed. There really are so many trauma survivors in our region, and it’s an underserved population. There’s a possibility of a grant in the winter for a pilot program to combine trauma counseling with addiction recovery. I’d be interested to see what you made of that if you’d care to write up a proposal.”
“I’d love to. Thank you. And I appreciate your continued support for the trauma recovery program, Dr. Novak,” I said, standing.
“It was good to see you, Layla. I’ll be in touch about the grant criteria.”
“Thank you,” I said again.
As soon as I was out of her office, I ran into the bathroom and got sick. After I got a drink of water and blew my nose, I went down to my office to let Maggie know that everything was okay. When I took out my phone, there were a lot of messages. The first was from my mom who I’d have to call back later. Then there were two from Maggie and one from Sarah Jo. None from Tyler. Not that I expected any, especially since I had told Maggie not to tell him. But I was disappointed. I wanted to tell him it went well. I wanted to tell him so much.
After work, I went to yoga and then changed for margarita night. My heart wasn’t in it, although I did want to tell them all about getting complimented by Dr. Novak. Still, I’d rather say it in a text and take a nap. I was wiped out. Probably from the anxiety I had over the meeting. And the energy it took not to call and text Tyler all the time. He had become weirdly important to me as a sounding board and a confidante. Which was further proof I had acted like an idiot over him.