Damaged - Forbidden Lovers - Page 32

Layla buried her face in my neck, her cheeks wet with sweat or tears or both. I tipped her chin up so she had to look at me.

“I could fall for you so easily,” I said aloud.

“I bet you say that to all the girls who call in sick to sleep with you,” she said, trying to make light of it.

“I’m serious. You, all of this, changed my life.”

“Sex is not life-changing,” she said. “It just feels good. Like yoga or eating ice cream. It’s chemical.”

“Quit being a shrink for a second.”

She shrugged. “I can’t help it. It doesn’t just turn on and off so easily.”

“I’m going to kiss you into submission then. No scientific excuses.”

She laughed, her big, musical laugh that did something warm inside my chest.

“I’m just saying, they sex is good, but…” she hesitated.

“But what? It’s just sex? No meaning or deeper feeling behind it?” I asked, surprised how angry it made me, how hard it hit me for her to diminish what we had done.

“That isn’t what I mean,” she said, touching my face. “It means…shit, I’m not good at this. I don’t want to read too much into it. I’m scared to read too much into it. I’m scared to make too much out of nothing.”

“This isn’t nothing,” I said, fierce and low.

“I’m sorry I said it that way, Tyler. It isn’t easy for me to open up either. I’m afraid of being hurt. I’m afraid that you’re on this high, thinking you feel like the same old Tyler from before your trauma, and when that wears off, you’ll realize this wasn’t the life saving potion. That I’m just another woman.”

“I heard you out. Now it’s your turn to listen,” I said, trying to speak evenly, calmly. “I’m going to try and explain this. I’m not good with words. Right now I just want to kiss you and touch you and make you come again and again until you admit this was more than a one-night stand. But we’re talking about it.” I drew in a long breath.

I anchored my arms around her. “Or maybe I’ll just hold you against me until you admit defeat,” I said, pressing her to me. The shiver that went through her, the way her eyes darkened told me this wasn’t an unwelcome idea, being trapped in my arms. But there was still a lingering flicker of doubt in her gaze.

“You’re afraid now I’ve had you I won’t want you, won’t care about you. You matter to me, Layla Mayberry. If you’d never come home with me, if you’d gotten in your car and driven away, you would still matter to me. If I never get to touch you again, that won’t change how I feel. When I said I could fall for you, I meant it.”

“Don’t,” she said, “you don’t want to fall for anyone. Trust me.”

“Just because other people hurt you, that doesn’t mean I will. Or that I’d leave.”

“I know that logically,” she said, but there was more to it. Things she wasn’t saying.

“So let me hold you now. We can figure the rest out later,” I said.

The relief on her face, the smile was everything. She nestled against me, warm and pliant, the tension gone out of her. I leaned my cheek against her hair, breathed her in and let sleep take me again, easily, calmly.

It was a long, dreamless sleep. I was aware of the weight of her, the warmth of her in my arms, the rhythm of her breathing that synced up with mine. Something about having her there, holding her allowed me to let go. I didn’t have the nightmares. When I woke, the afternoon sun slanting through my cheap plastic blinds, I felt so different. My head was clear. My heart wasn’t pounding. I didn’t need to throw myself in the floor and start doing push ups to beat down the panic. I had slept for hours. I stretched and turned to kiss her.

She was gone.

Layla had left while I was sleeping.

I saw the note she’d left on my pillow. I’m sorry I got carried away. I can’t do this. It’s best if we don’t see each other again. You deserve better than this. Forgive me if you can. Layla

I crumpled the paper and threw it across the room. It bounced against the wall and fell to the floor. Fucking ‘I can’t do this’. She was scared so she ran off. Thinking I’d chase her or hoping I wouldn’t. Either way, it was bullshit. I’d opened up to her. I let myself want something again, want her. I gave her everything in me, but she wouldn’t let me in. I was so angry that I wanted to tear down the walls of my cabin, shred the sheets with my bare hands, set it all on fire. Forget this fucking day and that I’d ever dared to hope. Something had finally felt good and real again. So of course it had to turn to shit immediately.

Tags: Natasha L. Black Romance
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