Pie was a good way to start though. Maybe he ate like a messy pig, maybe he was a noisy chewer. That would turn me right off. Put an end to those pesky dreams. So I shrugged, and he ordered. I talked about the activities we’d done in the latest session and waited on his food.
9
Tyler
I took a bite of apple pie. It had looked golden, perfect, studded with cinnamon. But it tasted like sawdust in my mouth. I drank some water to wash it down.
“Is it okay?” she asked. I turned to look at her, ready to tell her it was great when she met my eyes. I could lie to her.
“No. I couldn’t taste a thing,” I said.
“May I?” she said, taking the fork. I nodded.
She cut a small bite of the pie, tasted it and nodded, “That’s really good pie. I hate for you to miss it. Have you tried with your eyes closed?”
“I don’t like to shut my eyes,” I admitted.
“What if I watch the door for you? I’m serious. I’m not making light of this being hard for you, Tyler. Can you trust me for, let’s say, twenty seconds? Close your eyes, take a bite, concentrate on it.”
“I need to cut the bite first,” I said, hesitant.
“I said you have to trust me. I’ll feed you,” she said. And suddenly shutting my eyes shifted from problematic to erotic in those three words.
“Is that unorthodox, too?” I said.
“We’re off the clock,” she said brashly. “I don’t make a practice of feeding patients but consider it an experiment. If you shut out other senses it may help you focus on the flavor.”
“Fine,” I said, making a show of not wanting to cooperate when really, I wanted her to feed me more than I ever thought I could want something like that.
I watched her cut a tiny bite with the edge of her fork. She scooped it up, my eyes trained on her hand. She lifted the fork toward my mouth.
“Now close your eyes,” she said, her voice with a soft lilt to it.
I let my eyes drop shut, parted my lips. As she touched the fork to my lip, my hand shot out, my fingers circling her wrist. I opened my eyes, took in her startled expression. I removed the fork from her fingers, put it down on the plate. Then I turned and kissed the inside of her wrist, my mouth on her sensitive flesh.
“Oh!” she exclaimed, her other hand grabbing my shoulder to hold on, not to push me away.
I lowered her wrist from my lips and met her eyes.
“Oh God, you can’t do that,” she said, her voice barely above a breath. “Why didn’t you eat the pie?”
“Why are you still gripping my shoulder?” I countered.
Her eyes skated to her fingers that had crumpled the fabric of my t-shirt as she held on to me. She loosened her hold on me, and I shook my head.
“I’m not complaining. I liked it,” I said.
“I can’t do that. This. This thing. It’s not okay,” she said, sounding more miserable than anything else. She let go of me, hands folded on the counter.
“You realize that when I felt what I felt. When I had sexual interest for the first time in over a year, you know it was you,” I said, my voice raw, not flirtatious, just laid bare.
Her eyes were bright, feverish looking. She nodded.
“I know. It’s inappropriate. You having a physical response, assuming you did—”
“I did. A hell of one,” I said wryly.
“A hell of one,” she repeated faintly. “Okay, that’s encouraging, but you can’t think about me that way. I can’t treat you even in a group capacity if sexual feelings are involved, Tyler. It’s wrong and it’s dangerous.”
I let her see the darkness in my eyes, the heat. She was getting flustered, blinking faster, her neck and chest flushing a pretty pink. She chewed her full lower lip, giving me every cue of arousal possible.
“I know you feel it, too, Layla,” I said, my voice low and rough. I saw her respond to it, felt again that I could scent her, that I smelled desire on her.
“I shouldn’t have come here. I will refer you to another counselor on staff who can help you,” she said.
“I only want to talk to you. I can make an appointment if you’d rather I come to your office. Alone. One on one,” I said, letting each word drop slowly. A faint shiver ran over her and I felt it through my body as well.
“I can’t do that. I’m sorry,” she said firmly. And before I knew what was happening, she was out the door.
10
Layla
“Caroline, if you get an appointment request from Tyler Leeds, just refer him to another therapist, preferably Josh,” I said.
“Are you okay? Did this guy do something inappropriate?” Caroline asked.