Addie’s eyes go wide. For a second, she swoons. Then she remembers she’s pissed. Folds her arms. Tries to look angry.
She looks to me. Mouths should I go?
I nod okay. I want her here. I want her to keep me safe. But I need to jump. Whatever that means.
She pulls me aside. Hugs me tightly. “I love you. Be careful, okay?”
“Okay.”
She releases me. Shoots Ian the world’s least intimidating stare. “Don’t hurt her.”
“I’ll do my best,” he says.
“I’ve seen your best. It’s not good enough. Do better.” She moves through the door. Slams it shut.
“That’s the angriest I’ve ever seen her.” I almost laugh. It does nothing to ease the tension in the air.
He loves me.
He. Loves. Me.
I…
He…
Fuck.
Ian takes a half-step toward me. “She wants to protect you.”
“She let you in,” I say.
“If you want me to go, I will.”
I shake my head. Look for something to steady me. Find only the thermos in my hands. But it doesn’t help. Even the familiar taste of Masala isn’t enough. I drink half the mug. Set it on the counter. Rest my ass against the surface.
“The payment cleared?”
I nod.
“So I don’t have to talk you into accepting it?”
“Why wouldn’t I accept it?”
This time, his laugh is full. “Pragmatic.”
“What? Am I supposed to reject four-hundred grand because I like you? Get real.”
His laugh gets louder.
“Even if you hadn’t hurt me… It’s a lot of money. Money I need.”
“I’m glad you have it.”
“Is that all?”
His eyes meet mine. He doesn’t say it again. He doesn’t tell me the ball is in my court. After all, he just said he loves me and I…
My head swims.
“I’m sorry, Eve.” His voice is soft. Honest. “I don’t have anything better than I’m sorry. I have explanations. I have reasons. I can tell you all sorts of things, maybe things you’ve already read, about my fucked-up marriage. And how much it killed my ability to trust. How it filled me with this desperate need for honesty. But those are excuses.”
“Okay.”
He takes another step toward me. “I knew what I was doing. I was wrong. I’m sorry.”
“Is that it?”
“Is what it, vixen?”
The pet name makes my knees weak. Fucking body. It’s ready to relent. No, it’s desperate to relent. Whatever gets his hands on my skin faster. “Is that why you kept reading it? Because you needed honesty?”
“I stopped after we met. No, after I realized I had asked for your trust. I knew I shouldn’t cross that line. But eventually… I thought I was strong enough to resist the temptation to take your secrets. But I wasn’t. I had to know everything in your head. I had to know you. Whatever it meant.”
It almost sounds sweet like that.
“I should have told you.”
I nod.
“I should have stopped.”
I nod.
“I can’t promise I’ll do better next time. I can’t promise I’ll resist the urge to understand you. But I will try. I’ll try to earn your trust every day.” He takes another half-step toward me. “And I’ll try to give as much as I take.”
“What does that mean?”
“You offered me your heart. Your honesty. Not just on your site… Here. With me.”
Yes. Without thinking. I just… had to.
“I want to do the same. I can’t promise I’ll do it well. I’m not good at this. I haven’t tried for a long time. But—”
“You gave me your journal?”
“Yes,” he says.
“Because you wanted me to know? Or because you didn’t have any choice?”
“Both.” His fingers skim my collarbone. “You read it?”
“Yes.”
“And?”
“You were a mess.”
He half-smiles. “It was ugly.”
“Very ugly.”
His hand curls around my neck. “I’m shaking. Can you feel it?”
“No.”
“It terrifies me, showing you my past, being here, asking you to love me. I haven’t done it in a long time. I never thought I’d do it again.” His fingers curl into my skin. His eyes find mine. “But I am doing it. I am asking you to love me.”
“Oh.”
“I love you, Eve. I love you so much it scares me.” His eyes stay on mine. “If that’s not enough, if I’ve crossed a line that can’t be crossed—”
I rise to my tiptoes and bring my lips to his.
He kisses me like the ship is going down.
“I can forgive you. Not all at once, not all the way. But I can.” My forehead finds his chin. “I want to. I love you too.”
This time, he’s the one that pulls me into a kiss.
It’s deep and slow, like I’m the only thing in the world he wants.
Then it’s faster. And harder. And I’m tugging at his t-shirt. Leading him into my bedroom.
Asking for all of him.
Offering him all of me.
Epilogue
Eve
Original Sin
It’s been awhile. Maybe too long.
It didn’t really occur to me that anyone could find my site. That it was easy. Trivial. Not until Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome told me.
No, there’s no reason to use a pseudonym. Not anymore.