Savannah: I miss you, too. Talk soon.
I run my finger over the words, the muscles in my body aching as I stretch. I walk to the bathroom, passing the picture of us on our wedding day. I have to sit down and just stare at it while my heart beats for her.
When I show up, I’m shocked at the progress that’s already been made. “Holy shit, I can’t believe the frame is already up.” I look over at Jacob.
“Casey hired three groups of people to rotate shifts, so there is someone here all the time,” Jacob says. “Mr. Lewis hired an extra cook, and he keeps bringing food every eight hours.” I put my hand to my mouth. “What if this isn’t enough?” he asks, and I look at him.
“I’ve been without her for three days now,” I tell him. “The pain just gets worse instead of getting better.” I look over at him. “If she isn’t going to stay, I’m leaving.”
“What?” he asks, shocked.
“If she comes back and decides that this isn’t the place for her, then I’ll follow her wherever she goes.”
“But your life is here.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “My life is wherever she is.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Savannah
I watch the water crash onto the shore as I sit in the sun. It’s what I’ve been doing for the past three days.
When I left town, I did it with a heavy heart and an even heavier mind. I cried the whole time, and the only thing I could see was Beau’s face in my mind. The way he looked at me on our wedding day; the way he looked at me when we got home after the party. I shouldn’t have doubted him or dropped this bombshell on him out of the blue. I should have stayed and spoke to him about it. I wipe the tear away from my face again, opening the phone and seeing the message that I sent to him yesterday, but he never got back to me.
I see a bird fly by and dive into the water and then spot a couple of people walking up toward me. I’ve seen these people for the past three days, and each time, they’ve smiled at me and said hello. Like clockwork, they walk by me, and both of them say hello to me, then smile and move on.
I get up now and walk back up the steps to the house I’m renting. I walk into the cool house and look around at its emptiness.
Three days ago, I drove into town, thinking this was it, and I could live here. I went to the supermarket and walked down aisle after aisle, and it bothered me that I didn’t see anyone I knew. It also bothered me that I smiled at people, and they just nodded at me. God, this is what I wanted, I told myself. This whole thing of no one knowing me is what I was looking for, yet having it makes me feel more alone than I’ve ever felt in my whole life.
I prepare myself a little dinner, but all I do is move it around on the plate. I miss my family. I miss everything about what was my life. Did it suck at times? Of course, but it just made it that much more special, and I see it now.
I’m about to go and lie back outside and watch the sunset when the phone beeps and my heart skips a beat when I think it’s Beau. I wonder what he’s doing at this moment. I wonder if he is sitting down eating, thinking of me and wishing I was there. Instead, it’s a picture from Kallie of Ethan smiling at the camera.
I text her back right away.
Me: Thank you for the picture. I miss him.
I turn off all the lights and walk to the bedroom, slipping between the stark white covers and sinking into the bed. I open my pictures on my phone and go through them one by one. Most of them are of Beau and me that I never noticed before. He was always beside me at every single gathering. His hands resting on my shoulders or my arms or around my waist. I never noticed it before, or I never wanted to see it.
I fall asleep to his smile, and when I feel little kisses on my neck, I open my eyes, expecting him to be there, but he’s not. I’m alone in the bed without him, and when I turn over, my heart hurts. My body hurts, my muscles scream, and my eyes leak with tears as I feel this overwhelming sense of loneliness.
Even when I was pregnant and alone with no idea of what was going to happen, I never had this feeling. I never had it because I knew that Beau would be there, that he would always be there for me. I slip out of bed and grab my robe, heading to the beach when my coffee is ready.