“You should be at home with your wife and child and not worry about where I am.” My mouth opens before I can take the words back. The last thing I want him to know is that I care or that I even think of him.
He ignores my outburst. “I’m going to have a meeting with the guys tomorrow, and I would like for you and Olivia to be there.” He takes off his hat and scratches his head. “It’s good to have everyone working with each other.”
I nod at him, swallowing over the lump in my throat as I look at him. The man I wanted to share everything with; the man I wanted to have children with; the man who said he would hold my hand forever. The same man who holds his wife at night and then tucks their child into bed. Maybe coming home wasn’t a good idea. I thought I could handle it. Thought it would be fine. I. Was. Wrong. Nothing about being here is fine.
“I’ll text Casey about it,” he says, looking down. I know he wants to say something else, but he doesn’t. “See you tomorrow.” He turns and walks away from me. This time, I watch his back until I can’t see him anymore. Only when I feel wetness on my hand do I realize I’m crying. Only then do I fall to my knees and bury my face in my hands. I cry for the boy I lost, I cry for the love I lost, and I cry for the piece of me I lost.
I’m raw, and my whole body aches from head to toe. I get back on the horse and take my time getting home. The sun is setting, and when I get to the barn, Ricardo is sitting at the desk. “Welcome back,” he says, and I smile at him. I wonder how awful I look. I’m sure he can tell I’ve been crying. “I’ll take her.”
“Thank you,” I say. After handing him the reins, I walk back to the house. Olivia is lying on the swing outside. She’s slipped out of her jeans and is now in yoga pants and a T-shirt. “Hey,” I say, climbing up the steps to the porch and sitting on the end of the swing.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” she says softly, her eyes staring straight ahead. “He’s taken everything from me.” I don’t say anything as I swing with her. “And now I’ve put your family in harm’s way.”
“Meh.” I shrug. “We can take care of ourselves.”
She turns and looks at me, and her eyelashes are wet from tears. “You guys don’t deserve this.”
“Neither do you,” I remind her. “It’ll all get settled soon. When is he going to court?”
“Two weeks,” she tells me. “And I have to go.”
“We will,” I say. “It’s me and you.” I look ahead.
“How’re you feeling?” she asks, and I look at her.
“Like I’m empty,” I say. “There is nothing left inside me. I have nothing else to give. I have nothing that anyone wants.”
“Then he’s stupid,” she says softly and turns back to stare at the horizon. “He sure is pretty, though.” I don’t respond. Instead, I just look out at the horizon with her, and when my mother comes out to call us in for dinner, we just look at each other.
“Will you come with me to Casey’s house?” she asks. “Not to sleep. You should sleep here. They are right about that. But to work and stuff.”
“Yes,” I say, and she grabs my hand. We walk into the house, and we stop when we see Casey standing there with his feet spread apart and his arms crossed over his chest.
“What now?” I ask, and he just looks at me.
“Did you forget to mention something?” He looks at me, and I wait as my heart beats in my chest. “You spoke to Jacob.” My mother drops the cup she has in her hand, and it shatters on the floor.
All eyes turn to her, and I shake my head. Her hands shake, and she walks over to the chair and sits down. “I just need a minute.” My father rushes to her side. Squatting down in front of her, he grabs her hands in his and kisses them. “I’m fine.”
“You are running yourself to the ground,” he says, and she looks at him. She takes one of her hands and cups his cheek. “I can’t do this without you.”
“That’s so romantic,” Olivia says and then looks at me. “I need me a Southern man.”
I try not to laugh as I look over at Casey. “I think you already got one.”
Chapter Eleven
Jacob
I know I should just go get Ethan and go home. I know I should turn back and go to the rock. I know deep in my bones it’s a bad idea. My head is spinning. I don’t know what the fuck she did or how she did it, but she is in danger, and she is fighting me.