“You know that’s what I do. When I’m finished, we’re finished.” I took a shower then left the hotel room. I didn’t even stay long enough to say goodbye. Just like a drive-thru fast-food joint, I got what I paid for then left.
She couldn’t hide the sadness that crept into her expression. “And that’s it? We would never speak to each other again?”
I shrugged. “I guess. I mean, if I ran into you somewhere, I wouldn’t ignore you.”
“But once you get what you want, you’ll lose interest.” She said it with finality, swirling her glass slightly as she looked into the contents.
The sadness on her face was impossible to ignore. It actually made me feel guilty, as if I’d misled her in some way. “My ambitions were perfectly clear, sweetheart.” I made a few exceptions, like spending time with her until she was truly comfortable, but she wasn’t more special than anyone else.
“I know…but I guess I’ll miss you. I like spending time with you.”
“I do too,” I said automatically, not thinking twice about it.
“Then why don’t we keep spending time together?” she asked, her voice growing quiet.
I held her gaze and tried to think of the right thing to say. Since I was her first lover, it wasn’t surprising she’d developed an attachment to me. “I don’t do relationships. You know that.”
“You did one with Simone.”
“And that was a mistake.” Simone was the only relationship I’d ever had, and it wasn’t real. It was just lies masked with sex. She humiliated me in front of the entire world. On top of that, she was the one who’d made me a man when I was fifteen. She’d been a leach for several decades.
“Not all women are like that, Slate.”
“I’m sure they aren’t.” But I wasn’t interested in finding out.
She stared at me with her chin still propped on her hand, looking at me with the same disappointment. “You know what? When someone hurts us, it sticks with us for a while. But we have to get over it. If we don’t, then they continue to have this power over us. I know Simone hurt you, but the longer you keep this up, the longer she’ll have you under her thumb. Don’t let her do that to you.”
Simone had no power over me now, nor had she ever. I was never heartbroken at her betrayal. I moved on like it never happened in the first place. “It’s not because of her.”
“It is because of her,” she countered. “As soon as you broke up, you became the Cherry Popper, and you’ve been doing that ever since.”
“Because I enjoy it—and stop analyzing me.” I didn’t appreciate a woman sitting across from me at dinner judging my decisions. “I’m a man with needs, and I will fulfill them however I want. It has nothing to do with that cunt.”
“But it does,” she said firmly. “You refuse to have a relationship because the only relationship you had ended badly.”
“No.” I kept my voice down even though I felt my anger rise. “It’s not because of her. It’s because of him.”
She held on to her glass as her eyes changed, turning from serious to confused.
“People are greedy, selfish, and evil. My own brother stabbed me in the back while looking me in the eye. Simone was just an opportunistic parasite that found a better host. I don’t have a lot of faith in people in general. So that’s why I prefer things this way. I’ve been much happier ever since.”
She let those words sink in before she opened her mouth to speak.
I cut her off before she had the chance. “Don’t try to change who I am. Don’t try to tell me I’m wrong. This is my life—and I will live it as I wish.”
Monroe said nothing else. She stared me for a long time before she pulled the glass to her lips and took a drink. She licked the drops away and then turned her gaze out the window.
Now it was quiet. Tense. Uncomfortable.
I felt responsible for ruining the evening, but she shouldn’t have pressed me so hard. She was asking me to be a different man when I didn’t owe her anything.
She turned back to me and leaned forward, getting closer to me. “I wasn’t trying to change who you are. I wasn’t trying to say your way of life was wrong. But I was trying to say that you have options. You’re a handsome, compassionate, and charming man…it would be easy for you to have the undying devotion of a woman. It would be easy for you to find a woman who would be loyal to you always. If that’s what you wanted…”
Even if I wanted it, that didn’t exist. I didn’t trust anyone because no one was trustworthy. It was hard to believe a woman would want me for me, considering the nickname I’d earned. Any self-respecting woman would be disgusted by my actions, but my wallet somehow eradicated my crimes. “Simone came to my office and threatened me.”