8
Monroe
I sat across from the finance guy at the bank, the company that held my student loans as well as my medical bills. Two hundred thousand dollars would have wiped out my student loans, but my pride was too big. I didn’t want to submit to an asshole who thought he could have whatever he wanted.
The banker was an older man in a stuffy suit, flipping through my paperwork with a bored look on his face. “There’s nothing that can be done. Since these are two private loans, they can’t be consolidated into one. You might be able to find another company that might buy it out, but the debt ratio is so high that it’s too risky.”
I’d thought if I could refinance my loans, I could survive a little easier. Looked like that wouldn’t happen. “Alright…”
He closed the folder then looked at me expectantly, like he wanted me to leave.
“Well…my student loans are only for ten years, right?” At least I wouldn’t have to suffer like this forever.
“No. That’s not correct.”
My eyebrows furrowed. “But I’m on the ten-year plan.”
“Yes…but you’re making the minimum payments. So you’re covering the interest but not the principle. At this rate…you’ll be paying this off for an additional fifteen years.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
He stilled at my profanity. “I wish I were, miss.”
“That’s twenty-five years. That’s a mortgage.”
He nodded. “Student loans have exceeded credit card debt in this country. It’s a crisis.” He said it in a monotone voice, like he said this a million times a day to other people in my situation. “The only solution is to pay more money. If you doubled your payment every month, you could finish on time.”
“That would mean I would have to pay thirty-five hundred dollars a month…” That was how much I made every month after taxes. “I literally can’t afford that. It’s not possible.”
“Then I don’t know what to say. It is what it is.”
“Ugh…” I sat back in the chair and covered my face with my hand. Crying seemed so tempting, but I wouldn’t do it out in public like this. I had more balls than that. “This is a fucking nightmare.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, like he didn’t mean it at all. “And your private loan is nonnegotiable.”
The loan for my mother’s treatment had an insane interest rate since I already had so much debt from my student loans. I would be paying that until I died, and then it would be transferred to my children. That bill would hang over my head forever. Even if I could afford a down payment on a house, I could never actually buy one because no bank would give me a mortgage at this point.
How did I fuck up my life this much?
“I don’t know what else to say. You could always get a second job.”
And work sixteen hours a day, sleep, and then do it again the next day. “Thank you for your time.” I grabbed the paperwork and walked out, feeling much worse than when I walked in the door.
Now Slate’s offer was even more tempting. If I just put out, that would save me twenty-five years of student loan payments. Maybe I had no room to call the shots. Maybe I had no right to anything anymore. Maybe I needed to just stop believing in fairy tales and accept the cold, harsh reality of the world.
That life wasn’t fair.
I never got Slate’s phone number and I had no idea where he lived, so I had to go by his office again—even though his blond assistant would be pissed.
It was the second time I’d entered his office, and this time, the humiliation was even worse. I’d told him off and made a big speech about how he was an asshole, and now I was back because I was desperate.
He probably didn’t even want to see me anymore.
He could just move on to someone else and forget about me.
He would probably lower the price now that he had all the power.
But if he was still interested, I could probably talk him back to two hundred. I really needed to get that loan cleared. Otherwise, I’d have to get a second job. My entire purpose in life would be just to work.
I stepped inside and saw the blond girl look at me, this time with fire in her eyes. She immediately rose to her feet, prepared to make my life a living hell.
I walked right past her.
“No, I don’t think so.” This time, she jumped over the counter, not caring about her dress riding up, and grabbed me by the arm. “This is not how this office works. You can’t just march in here without an appointment—”
“Jillian.” His deep voice immediately calmed her. In a gray suit and a black tie, he stood over both of us, acting as the thermostat in the room. He immediately lowered the temperature, making everyone cool down. “Miss Monroe is welcome to come and go as she pleases.”