“Because you’re an idiot,” she jabbed. “It’s written all over my face. Even your brother noticed.”
Maybe that was why he was pestering me about her so much. “I wasn’t trying to offend you, Cherry. I thought that townhouse would make you happy. You said you’ve always wanted to raise a family there.”
“Yes, but the only person I want to raise a family with is you.” She looked away as she said that last part. “So why would I need a townhouse? The last thing I want is the magnificent items your wallet can buy. I just want you…”
The silence was so loud, it sounded like a drum. My heartbeat thudded against my chest painfully, like I was about to jump feetfirst into a fistfight. I heard every word she said, and the significance of each one was profound. She didn’t tell me she loved me, but she didn’t need to. Everything she’d said was a declaration in itself.
I’d been blind to her feelings this entire time.
I remembered exactly how it felt when Simone left me. I remembered how much it hurt. I got over it quickly because she wasn’t worth my heartache. But that pain still left a scar on my chest. Now I was hurting Cherry, a woman who only deserved the good things in life. I was Simone in this situation, a soul-sucking leech.
I didn’t want to hurt her.
That was the last thing I would ever want.
I brought my hands together and stared at the rug under my feet. When I’d come home that evening, I’d expected to be greeted by Cherry’s smile and warmth. I’d expected her to be touched by the gesture I made. Instead, I’d ruined the best thing in my life. Now we were at a dead end, and there was no going forward.
It was over.
“Don’t worry about the loan. No hard feelings.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she whispered.
“I’m releasing you from your obligation.” I kept my eyes on the rug so I wouldn’t have to see the devastation on her face. “You’ll stay here until the townhouse is officially ready. Then you’ll take the keys and leave.”
“I told you I don’t want—”
“I already put it under your name. It’s done.” That was a lie, but I wanted her to have the property anyway. I wanted to know she was taken care of. If not, I would constantly worry about her.
“I can always sell it—”
“It’s yours, Monroe. I don’t want it. That’s final.” The endearing nickname I used to use died in my throat. Now I could never call her that again, and that was one of the worst parts of all. “I didn’t realize how you felt. I didn’t realize you wanted more. That’s something I can’t give you, so we should end this now before it gets worse.”
“You can’t be serious…”
“But I am.” I lifted my gaze and looked at her, seeing the devastation on her expression that mirrored the pain in my heart. “I can’t give you what you want. I refuse to make you feel worse…regardless of how much I want you.”
The film in her eyes slowly started to grow.
“I’m sorry…”
“I don’t believe you,” she whispered. “I know you care about me.”
“Of course, I care about you. But I don’t want any of the things that you want.”
“Or you refuse to allow yourself to want them. Slate, you’re happy with me. You care about me. You trust me. It’s just been the two of us for months now—no one else. You couldn’t let me walk away then, and you shouldn’t let me walk away now.”
“I have to, Monroe.”
The film turned into drops of tears. “Don’t let her ruin your life.”
“It’s not because of her.”
“It is because of her. You’re too scared to let anyone in. I’m not like her. I’m not like Coen. I would never hurt you. You’re the one who keeps inflicting all of the pain.”
“And that’s why you deserve someone better.”
“I don’t want someone better,” she whispered. “I want you. You’ve never bent over backward for any other woman. You’ve never worked so hard to be with someone else. That has to be mean something.”
“It means I like the chase.”
“Well, you haven’t chased me in a long time. I’ve been here every single night, right by your side. We’ve fucked on the couch, gone to your brother’s wedding, and spent every free moment together. You’re going to sit there and tell me that doesn’t mean anything?”
“I didn’t say it didn’t mean anything. It just doesn’t mean as much to me.”
She turned her face like I’d slapped her on the cheek. “I refuse to believe that.”
“I don’t care what you believe.” When I woke up that morning, I’d rolled her onto her stomach and fucked her from behind before I got ready for my day. I thrust my hips until she came with a scream, and I followed right behind her. But now that felt like a different time. That was the last time I would ever sleep with her. Doing it now would be too painful. “I’ll sleep in a different room. You can stay in here.”