With a shaking hand, I twisted the knob and came up short at finding Andrew on the other side. His smile slipped when he looked at my face, probably seeing red eyes and streaked mascara. I tried to pull myself together and wiped at my cheeks, but he stepped in, wrapping his arms around me and kicking the door shut.
“What did he do?” Andrew asked into my hair. His arms felt as safe as always, and I let myself sink into the comfort. I’d never heard his voice so hard before, and that edge made me answer.
“Nothing. We just had an argument.”
“Did he hurt you? Physically?” he added. Clarifying, since I was obviously crushed emotionally.
I pulled back so he could see my face. “No. He would never hurt me like that.”
Andrew unwrapped his arms from around me and began to pace the small space in my apartment as I dropped onto the couch. I let him think, knowing he would come to me once he’d found his calm. When he finally did, he knelt on the carpet at my feet.
“Listen, Ana. I’ve been avoiding this mainly because I was worried I would lose in the competition.” He breathed out a laugh that held no humor. “So, I didn’t push. But seeing you crying because of him, it kills me. So, I’m laying it out there now.” He licked his lips and rested his hands on my knees. “I want to be with you, and I want you to be with me. Just me.”
His bright blue eyes begged me to not make a fool out of him. They begged me to pick him, just as Kevin had pleaded the same moments earlier. I stared, my breathing echoing around me. “Andrew—”
“I would never hurt you, and I would never make you cry. I respect you, and we could be happy together. Hell, we are happy together. We laugh and have so much in common. I want to make this something great, Ana. Please.”
My eyes scanned his face, trying to find my future in it somewhere. He was what I wanted. My normal was right in front of me—coming to me on a blue-eyed, black-haired, sweet, caring platter. All I had to do was give my best smile and say yes. Say yes, I wanted to be a part of his something great.
But if this was what I wanted, why did it feel like I would be cutting out my heart to be with him?
Chapter Forty-One
Kevin
I ran through the rain and burst through the back doors of the gymnasium. Heads blocked my view in an endless sea of black graduation caps.
“We’re just about to start. What’s your last name?” a lady holding a clipboard and head piece asked me.
“Harding.”
“Oh good,” she sagged. “You’re close to the front. The name tags are up on the wall.” She pointed to the white papers with names printed on them taped to the cream cement blocks. “Find your name and stand there. We’ll be walking out in about a minute, so hurry.”
I shouldered my way through the people and made it to my spot just as the first few people walked through the door. I searched over my shoulder in hopes that I would find Ana and give her a wave or something, but I saw nothing but the flat black tops of graduation caps. Damn rain had caused a traffic accident and made me late. I’d wanted to talk to her—hug her.
I missed her.
I hadn’t talked to her all week, and I couldn’t deny how nervous it had made me, but I wanted to give her space to think. I’d told her to come to me. However, it didn’t stop me from sending the occasional message.
Unfortunately, it resulted in short responses and maybe an emoticon. While Ana and I could get into a GIF war like no other, she rarely used emoticons. She said they lacked any ingenuity and emotion. I tried not to think too much about it.
We sat in metal chairs and listened to the keynote speaker drone on about our futures. My mind focused on finding the subtlest way to turn around and see if I could find her. Was she looking at me? Would she meet my eyes and smile? Share the excitement of graduation and roll her eyes at how boring this speech was?
Before I could concoct a plan, it was my turn to stand and walk down the aisle. Lining up at the side of the stage waiting for my name, I scanned the crowd to catch her eye. Was she watching me? Wishing me the best? Finally, my name was called and I zeroed all my focus into not falling as I shook the university president’s hand and walked down the steps to the other side. Holding the tube that contained my diploma felt final, like my life was about to get started. Everything before that moment was practice.