I didn’t want to deal with the guilt of not telling him that I was going to a bed and breakfast with Andrew. He’d be mad and I didn’t want to hurt him. This was a different kind of guilt. Much bigger than anything I felt when I had to tell Andrew about my weekend with Kevin and his family.
I brushed the feeling aside, knowing I needed to give Andrew a chance. I packed my bags with a clean slate and remembered Kevin’s words that I owed nothing to anyone but myself. I’d made promises to no one.
I greeted Andrew with a smile and tried to feel the excitement I knew I should’ve felt. He was playful and kept dropping hints about where we were going or what we were doing. I loved surprises and it warmed me that he was giving me one. He knew me. Maybe not as much as Kevin, but we could learn more about each other. It could be a great relationship. A normal relationship.
But would he know everything about you? Would he learn about all the ways you needed to be pleased?
No, because I didn’t want to need those, and they would pass, eventually. He wouldn’t need to know that. No one would.
We pulled up to a wooded area late at night, making it hard to see everything. When we rounded a corner, a large modern log cabin came into view. The street lamps placed throughout the property gave glimpses of smaller cabins off to the side of a multilevel, log cabin hotel.
Andrew was smiling at me when I was able to pry my face from the car window.
“You’re like an excited kid,” he said, laughing.
“I am excited. This place looks amazing!”
“Let me get us checked-in, and they’ll assign us a cabin.”
“A cabin?” I squealed.
He laughed and leaned in to press his lips to mine before we got out to check in.
We had dinner at the main villa, where we talked so late that we shut the restaurant down. Once back to our cabin, I grabbed my pajamas and changed in the luxurious bathroom. I came out to find Andrew lying in bed, the covers pulled to his waist, leaving his chest bare to my view.
I had to fight back a laugh as I stood there taking in his sculpted chest, realizing that we’d been seeing each other for four months, yet I’d never seen him in anything but regular clothes, and here I was about to sleep next to him.
“I can sleep on the couch if you want,” he said when he saw me hesitate.
“No. No.” I said. “It’s okay.”
“I have sleep pants on if that helps,” he said teasingly.
I laughed and climbed in beside him. “I guess I just realized how big a jump this trip is.”
“Is that a problem?” He didn’t sound upset, just curious.
“No. I want this. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
“Good.” He lifted his arm indicating I should curl up with him, and kissed my head once I was settled. His skin warmed my cheek and his arm made me feel safe, comfortable. I waited for a spark, a desire for more, but it never came. In fact, sleep claimed me before anything else could.
“I have a surprise when we get back to the room.” Andrew smiled at me across the breakfast table in the main cabin overlooking the lake. The place truly was gorgeous.
“Oh yeah? Will I love it?”
“If you start out depressed, everything is a pleasant surprise,” he quoted John Cusack from Say Anything.
I laughed. “Well, then I will lower my expectations now.”
We finished our breakfast and mimosas, then walked back to our cabin hand in hand. It was nice. When I shivered from the chill in the morning air, he wrapped his arm around me and held me close.
Entering the cabin, he turned to me and said, “Change into your workout clothes.”
I tipped my head to the side. “Okaaaay.”
I changed like he’d said and came out to find Andrew waiting for me, wearing basketball shorts and no shirt.
“You going to tell me what’s going on yet?”
He took in my outfit, scanning from my bare toes, up my leggings, and rested longer on the cropped workout tank that bared my stomach. I liked it. For the first time since we’d arrived, I felt a hitch in my chest at having him look at me with a heated stare.
“Like what you see?” I teased with a twirl.
“Hell, yes, I do. You’re beautiful. I can’t wait to see you get all bendy,” he said, walking toward me. I raised my eyebrows and he finally explained. “The resort has a couple’s yoga instructor who’ll come to our suite. I thought it would be fun to do.”
I knew myself well enough to know my face didn’t hide my emotions well, and watching his face scrunch up as he took in my wide eyes and forced smile, I knew I was fooling no one when I forced out a paltry, “Yay.”