But no matter what, hearing her voice and her laugh soothed any issues I had. I was getting my friend back and that trumped all.
We agreed to go out the next night and I could barely wait to pick her up for dinner.
She looked stunning in simple skinny jeans and a black thermal. I couldn’t hold back the smile when I spotted her familiar black chucks.
“Do you have a specific school you’re hoping to teach at?” I asked as we shared a pizza at one of my favorite restaurants.
“I’d love to be outside of Cincinnati, more in the suburbs. They just have better funding and academics.” She took a bite of her pizza and held up her finger, wanting to continue. She didn’t wait to finish chewing before she mumbled out, “And a better crime rate. I’d hate to get shot or mugged in my first year.”
“That would definitely be a downer.”
“What about you?” she asked, lifting a glass of wine to her lips. It took me a second to answer because the way her lips wrapped around the glass distracted me. “Kev.”
Shaking my head, I refocused on the conversation. “I’m not sure. I want to stay close to home. Hopefully in Cincinnati. I love it here.”
“Yeah, it definitely feels good to be home.” She finished her slice of pizza before speaking again. “Do you keep in touch with any old friends?”
“Not really. What about you?”
“Gwen and I email. She gets on me for not having any social media, but I figure if I’m going to be a teacher, it’s better to not even have them.”
“I noticed that,” I admitted.
She raised her eyebrow at that, but didn’t say anything. “Do you still talk to Sean?”
“No.” Lifting my beer, I took a long drink, giving myself time to think about my answer. But then I put my glass down and looked over at Ana. My Ana. I didn’t have to think through my words. “We didn’t keep in touch, and honestly, I took the opportunity to leave it behind. I had no one around expecting me to behave a certain way like they did in high school. It was like a fresh start for me.”
“I know that’s what you always wanted.” She downed the rest of her wine in one gulp. “Besides, I’m sure it’s nice not having their accusations hanging over your head.”
It took me a moment to understand what she was alluding to, but seeing the way she avoided my eyes and ran her thumb up and down the condensation on her glass, I knew she meant everything that was said the night of the party. “Ana . . .” I paused, not knowing what to say next. Not knowing how to formulate a big enough apology for what I did.
“It’s nothing. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who’s sorry.” I thought about saying more, but a redness tinged her cheeks, and I didn’t want to make her any more uncomfortable than she was. Instead, I pulled out my wallet and counted off enough money to pay the bill and for the tip. “Come on. I want to show you something.”
I held out my hand to help her from the booth, but she didn’t take it. I swallowed back the disappointment, and followed behind her to the door. We walked a few blocks in silence, enjoying the crisp air and clear night. When someone walked too close to me, I had to crush into her space to avoid getting plowed over, but she pulled back again as soon as the sidewalk cleared. Just the brief contact, even through a thick jacket, was enough to set my blood on fire.
Despite all the time we’d spent together over the past few weeks, we hadn’t touched. She’d avoided every chance of contact and gave me wide berth, just like she did tonight. I hated it yet understood it at the same time. I tried not to push it, but shamelessly took advantage of every chance to walk close to her the rest of the way.
We stopped outside of a five-story brick building. “This is my place.”
Ana turned to me with wide eyes, the gray shining like silver under the lamppost. “Kev, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“We don’t have to go in. Just trust me.”
After a pause, she gave a slight nod, licking her lips. The building didn’t have an elevator and we walked up the flights of stairs, passing my door on the fourth floor. When we reached the top, I swung open the metal door leading to the rooftop. She took in the benches, picnic tables, and loungers laying out on the gravel.
“It’s no rooftop terrace, but everyone in the building is pretty cool about sharing the space.”
“It’s amazing.”
I led her to two pool chairs similar to the ones in my old backyard that we’d laid out on so often. I let Ana get settled first before I dragged mine next to hers. We didn’t talk, just stared up at the night sky and twinkling stars. If I closed my eyes, I almost could’ve been back four years ago.