"I scared you."
"For a minute." Mortified, she blew out a breath. "Damn it, Ethan, do I have to tell you that I liked it? I felt helpless and overpowered and it was so exciting. You lost control, and you have this incredibly unshakable control most of the time. I liked knowing that something I did, or something I am, snapped it."
He pulled his hand through his hair. "You confuse me, Grace."
"I don't mean to. But I don't think that's such a bad thing, either."
He let out a sigh, then stepped forward just enough that he could smooth her tousled hair into place. "Maybe the trouble is we've been thinking we know each other so well. But we don't have all the pieces." He picked up her hand, studied it with that thoughtful frown she loved. Then he kissed her fingers in a way that made her lashes flutter.
"I don't ever want to hurt you. In any way." But he had, and he would.
He kept his hand in hers as he walked her back toward the sunlight. He would have to tell her about those pieces of himself soon. So she would understand why he couldn't give her more.
Chapter Fifteen
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"so, i don't know if I'm going to go out with him anymore because he's getting way too possessive, you know? I don't want to hurt his feelings, but you gotta live, right?"
Julie Cutter crunched into the shiny green apple she'd plucked out of the fruit bowl in Grace's kitchen. She felt every bit as much at home there as she did next door. Comfortable, she hitched herself up to sit on the counter while Grace folded laundry on the table.
"Plus," Julie went on, gesturing with her apple, "I met this incredibly cute guy. He works at the computer store at the mall? He wears these little metal-frame glasses and has the sweetest smile." She grinned, lighting up her pretty heart-shaped face. "I asked him for his phone number, and he blushed."
"You asked him for his phone number?" Grace was listening with only half an ear. She loved it when Julie came over just to visit. She was always so full of fun and talk and energy. But today it was hard to concentrate. Her mind was so full of what had happened between her and Ethan in those shady woods. What had leapt out of him to devour her—and why it had left him so distant afterward?
"Sure." Julie cocked her head, her brown eyes full of humor. "Didn't you ever ask a guy out? Come on, Grace, we're at the dawn of the next millennium here. Most of them really like it when the woman takes the initiative. Anyway…" She shook back her long fall of straight-as-a-pin brown hair. "Jeff did—the sexy computer nerd? He got all flustered at first, but then he gave it to me, and when I called him I could tell he was happy about it. So we're going out Saturday, but I have to break up with Don first."
"Poor Don," Grace murmured, and glanced over absently as Aubrey knocked over the block tower she'd been building, then applauded its destruction.
"Oh, he'll get over it." Julie shrugged. "It's not like he's in love with me or anything. He's just used to having a chick."
Grace had to smile. A few months earlier, Julie had been wild about Don, rushing over to tell Grace every detail of their dates. Or, Grace suspected, at least an edited version of their dates. "You told me Don was the one."
"He was." Julie laughed. "For a while. I'm not ready for the only one yet."
Grace went to the refrigerator to pour the three of them a drink. At Julie's age—nineteen—she'd been pregnant, married, and worried about paying bills. She was only three years older than Julie, but it might as well have been three hundred. "You're right to look around, to be sure." She handed Julie a glass, held her gaze for a moment. "To be careful."
"I'm careful, Grace," Julie assured her, touched. "I'd like to be married one day. Especially if it means having a baby as beautiful as Aubrey. But I want to finish college, then see some of the world. Do… things," she added, gesturing widely. "I don't want to find myself tied down, changing diapers and working at some dead-end job because I let some guy talk me into…"
She trailed off, suddenly and sincerely appalled at herself. Eyes huge and apologetic, she slid off the counter. "God, I'm sorry. I can be so thick sometimes. I didn't mean that you—"
"It's all right." She gave Julie's arm a quick squeeze. "That's exactly what I did, exactly what I let happen to me. I'm glad you're smarter."
"I'm a moron," Julie murmured, very close to tears. "I'm an insensitive clod. I'm hateful."
"No, you're not." Grace gave a light laugh and picked up a pair of Aubrey's rompers from the basket. "You didn't hurt my feelings. I'd hate to think we weren't friends enough for you to be able to say what you think."
"You're one of my best friends. And I've got a big mouth."
"Well, you do." Grace chuckled at Julie's wince. "But I like it."
"I love you and Aubrey, Grace."
"I know you do. Now stop worrying about it, and tell me where you're going with Jeff the cute computer guy?"
"Safe date. Movies and pizza." Julie let out a soft sigh of relief. She'd have… shaved her head and dyed it purple, she decided, before she'd do anything to hurt Grace. Hoping to make up, just a little, for her insensitivity, she beamed a smile.
"You know, I'd be happy to keep Aubrey on your next night off if you and Ethan want to go out."
Grace had finished folding the rompers and started on socks. She stopped, staring, with a tiny white sock trimmed in yellow in each hand. "What?"
"You know—catch a movie, go to a restaurant, whatever." She wiggled her brows on the "whatever," then fought to bite back a grin at Grace's expression. "You're not going to
stand there and tell me you're not seeing Ethan Quinn."
"Well, he's… I'm…" She looked helplessly down at Aubrey.
"If it was supposed to be a secret, he should be parking his truck somewhere other than your driveway on the nights he sleeps over."
"Oh, God."
"What's the problem? It's not like you're having this illicit affair—like Mr. Wiggins has been having with Mrs. Lowen on Monday afternoons at the motel on Route 13." At Grace's strangled sound, Julie just shrugged. "My friend Robin's working there and taking night classes at the college, and she says how he checks in every Thursday morning at ten-thirty while she waits in her car. Anyway—"
"What must your mother think?" Grace whispered.
"Mom? About Mr. Wiggins? Well—"
"No, no." Grace didn't want to think about the portly Mr. Wiggins's weekly motel romp. "About…"
"Oh, you and Ethan. I think she said something about 'high time.' Mom's not an idiot. He's such a hunk," Julie said with feeling. "I mean, the way he fills out a T-shirt is awesome. And that smile. It takes, like, ten minutes for it to finish moving over his face, and by then, man, you are drooling. Robin and I went down to the waterfront every day for a month last summer just to watch him offload his catch."
"You did?" Grace said weakly.
"We both built a real case on him." She reached into the white stoneware cookie jar and found two oatmeal raisins. "I flirted with him, big time, whenever I got the chance."
"You… flirted with Ethan."
"Mmm." She nodded, swallowing cookie. "Really put some effort into it, too. Mostly I think it embarrassed him, but I got a couple of great smiles out of him." She smiled sunnily when Grace kept staring. "Oh, I'm way over it now, so don't worry."
"Good." Grace picked up the drink she'd neglected and drank deeply. "That's good."
"Still, he's got a terrific butt."
"Oh, Julie." Grace bit her lip to keep from giggling and sent a meaningful look toward her daughter.
"She's not listening. So, anyway, how'd I get started on this? Oh, yeah, I'll keep Aubrey for you if you want to go out."
"I, well, thanks." She was trying to decide if she wanted to get well off the subject of Ethan Quinn, or linger on it, when she heard a knock and saw him standing at her front door.
"Like magic," Julie murmured, and romance bloomed in her heart. "You know, why don't I take Aubrey over to see Mom for a while? I'll just keep her and feed her dinner."
"But I don't have to leave for work for nearly an hour yet."
Julie rolled her eyes. "So make good use of the time, pal." Then she scooped Aubrey up. "Want to come to my house, Aubrey? See my kitty cat?"
"Oooh, kitty. Bye, Mama."
"Oh, but—" They were already sailing out of her back door, with Aubrey calling for the kitty and waving madly. She looked at Ethan again, staring at his face through the screen, then lifted her hands.
He decided to take it as an invitation and stepped inside. "Was that Julie who ran off with Aubrey?"
"Yes. She's going to let Aubrey play with her kitten and have dinner over there."
"It's nice you have someone like Julie to look after her."
"I'd be lost without Julie." Puzzled, Grace angled her head. He was standing awkwardly, a hand tucked behind his back. "Is something wrong? Did you hurt your hand?"
"No." What an idiot he was, Ethan thought, offering her the flowers he had held behind him. "I thought you might like some." He wanted, desperately, to find ways to make up to her for the way he'd treated her in the woods.
"You brought me flowers."
"I stole some here and there. You may not want to mention it to Anna. I got the tiger lilies off the side of the road. They're blooming thick this year."
He'd picked her flowers. Not store-bought flowers but ones he'd stopped and