The slide of his fingers against hers made her heart race. “I think we’ve said everything there is to say.”
“Maybe you have, but I have a few things you need to hear.”
Olivia’s gaze shot toward the twins. To her relief, they were oblivious to the charged undercurrents passing between her and Gabriel. The girls had been through enough and didn’t deserve to witness them arguing. She turned her back to them and pitched her voice to carry no farther than the foot that separated her from Gabriel.
“Don’t do this. There’s nothing you have to say that I want to hear. What I need is to leave this country and forget all about you.”
“Can you do that?” he murmured, his free hand cupping the side of her face, his tender touch bringing tears to her eyes. “Can you forget me? Forget how it was between us?”
Harsh emotions sandblasted her nerves raw. “Would you want me to do otherwise?”
“Yes. Stay and fight—”
“Fight?” The word gusted out of her on a bitter laugh. “I have nothing left to fight with. It’s gone, Gabriel. My ability to bear children. My chance to be a mother. I’m nothing more than a shell.” An empty shell without him. “I just want to go home and forget.”
Forget how his smile transformed her.
Forget how it felt to fall asleep in his arms.
Forget how much she loved him.
“Can you?” He cupped the back of her neck and pulled her gently against his powerful, muscular body. “Can you forget me?”
Her pulse danced with erotic longing. She tore her gaze away from the sensual light in his eyes that drew her like a candle in the darkness. How was it possible she could want him with such intensity when the parts that made her a whole woman were gone?
He lowered his voice to a husky murmur. “Because I will never be able to forget you.”
It wasn’t fair of him to tell her that. To tantalize her with longing for what could never be.
Contact with him seared her from breast to thigh. Her incision burned the way it had during those first few days, reminding her that she’d have a permanent mark on her body that would never let her forget.
“Maybe not forget,” she told him, keeping her voice soft to hide its unsteadiness. “But you’ll move on and be happy.”
Before he could respond, they were struck from two sides by the twins. Sandwiched between them, Olivia had no way to escape Gabriel. He saw her predicament and a predatory smile curved his lips before they descended to hers.
Sweet sunshine washed through her body as she surrendered to the delicious drag of his mouth against hers. This was where she belonged. To this man. And these girls. The family she craved.
Her whole world contracted to Gabriel’s kiss and the twins’ hugs. A great rushing sound filled her ears, drowning out her inner voice and all the reasons why this couldn’t be her future. Loving Gabriel had never seemed so easy. Outside pressure didn’t exist. She was free to express herself, to tell him what was truly in her heart.
I love you.
But she never uttered the words because the girls clamored for their own share of Olivia’s attention as the kiss fell apart. Her lips tingled in the aftermath as Gabriel held her close a moment longer before letting her step back.
“Tea party. Tea party,” Bethany called.
Karina seized her and pulled.
It took her a couple seconds to realize that the girls were referring to the small table set up near the window. She shook her head. “It’s your nap time.”
“Girls, Olivia is right. Hattie will read to you after you lie down.”
While it hurt to kneel and give hugs and kisses to each of the toddlers, Olivia braved the pain for one last goodbye. By the time they had been persuaded to let her go, Olivia’s sorrow had rendered her mute.
Gabriel seemed to understand her distress because he waited until they’d descended to the grand hall before speaking. “When are you leaving?”
“My final doctor’s appointment is later this week. I expect to be able to travel after that.”
“You really should come to the twins’ birthday party. You planned everything. It’s only right that you be there.”
Temptation trembled through her. It would be so easy to agree, to prolong the final parting for another day. But what good would that do? She’d have one more memory to keep her awake at night.
“I think it’s better that we said our goodbyes now.”
“I don’t agree.” He took her hand and stopped her from leaving. His gold eyes were somber as he met her gaze. “Bethany and Karina will be sad if you don’t come.”
His touch made her want to turn back the clock. If she’d not been so rash as to stop taking the pill against her doctor’s order, she would be marrying Gabriel in a week. Then again, the burden of producing an heir to the kingdom would still be weighing heavily on her.
“And I’m not ready to say goodbye,” he said, interrupting her thoughts.
She delighted at his words, until she recalled how he’d looked at that photo of Marissa. Three years ago he’d turned his back on her and chosen his country instead. Olivia had seen the way he’d been tortured by that choice every time he looked at his daughters. Was he hoping that putting his country’s needs second this time would somehow redeem him for failing Marissa?
She eased her hand free. “You already have. The second the story of my fertility issues made it to prime time any chance of us getting married was gone.” She touched his arm in sympathy. “People in our positions don’t belong to themselves.”
“That’s true,” he murmured, seizing her chin and forcing her to look at him. “You belong to me.”
She jerked away and took a step back. “I don’t.” But her blood sang another tune. She was his, heart and soul. There would be no other.
“Deny it all you want, but I was the first man who made love to you. The first man you loved. That sort of bond may stretch but it will not break.”
Her pulse rocked at his use of the word love. Did he know the depth of her feelings for him? She’d not been particularly careful to guard her emotions during those long hours in his arms. Had he figured out the truth or was he simply referring to the physical act of loving?
“Why are you saying these things? Do you think leaving is easy for me?” She spied the front door and knew her reprieve was mere steps away, but she had a few hard truths to deliver first. “I was planning on making my life here with you. It hurts more than I can say that I can’t marry you. Asking me to stay is completely—”
“Selfish,” he interrupted, lifting her palm to his lips. “You’re right. I am selfish.”
When he released her hand, Olivia clenched her fingers around the kiss. His blunt admission had dimmed her frustration. This impossible situation was of her making. If only she’d told him of her fertility issues. He never would have proposed. She never would have fallen in love with him.
“You have a right to be selfish sometimes.” Her smile wobbled, and then steadied. “You are a prince, after all.”
“And yet it’s not gaining me any ground with you, is it?”
She shook her head. “I’ll come to the twins’ birthday party.”
It wasn’t what she’d intended to say, but her heart had a mind of its own. Knowing she would never be able to take it back, Olivia remained silent as Gabriel escorted her to the waiting car and handed her into the backseat.
As the car rolled down the driveway, Olivia knew she’d been a fool to come here today. Obviously she hadn’t learned anything these past few weeks. Gabriel held a power over her that was nothing short of dangerous. Thank goodness he would never know how unhappy she was without him because she had a feeling he might do something incredibly foolish.
Twelve
For the next two days leading up to his daughters’ birthday party, Gabriel worked tirelessly to bring Christian up to speed on all the things that might come up in the next two weeks. After his last encounter with Olivia, he’d decided to take himself off the grid for a short time. Olivia’s stubborn refusal to continue their relationship had forced Gabriel into a difficult position. Sherdana needed a royal heir. He needed Olivia. The opposing forces were tearing him apart.
On the morning of Bethany and Karina’s birthday, Gabriel put his signature on the last report requiring his approval and went to have breakfast with his daughters. As usual they were full of energy and he smiled as he listened to their excited conversation.
It pleased him that Karina spoke more often now. Maybe she’d never be as talkative as her sibling, but as her confidence grew, she demonstrated a bright mind and a sly sense of humor. He had Olivia to thank for the transformation. She’d coaxed the younger twin out of her shell with patience and love. As attached as the trio had become, Gabriel was worried that Olivia’s leaving would give rise to the girls’ feelings of abandonment.