To Bella’s dismay, a delicious, forbidden anticipation began to build. Crossing her arms over her chest, she felt the rapid pace of her heart and tried to ignore her body’s troubling reaction to Deidre’s warning. It was ridiculous to imagine Blake being interested in her. Her own feelings were more difficult to dismiss.
“That won’t happen.”
“It might if you spend much time around him.”
“Any time we spend together will be with Drew for company. Nothing is going to happen between us.”
“A baby in the house isn’t going to stop a man like Blake Ford from taking what he wants.” Deidre raised her eyebrows suggestively.
“That’s not Blake’s style.” As tempting as it was to ponder whether Deidre was onto something, Bella knew better than to indulge in daydreams. “Blake and Drew are a package deal and he knows I’m not interested in having a family. He’ll find someone who wants the same things he does.”
“I think you’re kidding yourself if you believe you’ll ever be happy without children of your own and a man at your side to share the responsibility with you.”
Bella shook her head. “I’m sure my mother thought the same thing when she married my dad. But what happens when the responsibility gets to be too much for the two of you to handle?”
“So marry someone wealthy. Then you’d have staff to take care of your every desire, not to mention your kids.” Having delivered her final bit of wisdom, Deidre retreated down the hall, leaving Bella to ponder her roommate’s advice.
Would she be as reluctant to have children if money wasn’t an issue? Bella had no clear answer. On the day she’d turned fifteen and had to spend her birthday in the emergency room because her two youngest siblings had stuck M&M’S up their noses on her watch, she’d decided she never wanted the responsibility of motherhood. Her opinion didn’t change through college or the next few years of teaching when she’d moved away from the farm, although she continued to lend her family what support she could by sending money home. But it was never enough.
The emotions stirred up by her pregnancy had called into question a decade of wanting nothing but her freedom. She’d been plagued by doubts. Questioned her choices. But after Drew’s birth, she’d decided that she’d been a victim of pregnancy hormones. Her heart continued to hurt at the absence of Drew from her life, but she knew he was part of a loving family that had his best interests at heart.
Only today she’d discovered that he might have a father who loved him dearly, but the woman who was supposed to be his mother had turned her back on him. Disgust rose at Victoria’s actions. If Bella had suspected how things would turn out, she never would have agreed to carry Drew for Blake and his wife.
So what was Bella’s responsibility to the child now? With Victoria out of the picture, Bella could be a part of Drew’s life. Was that what she wanted? To be half in his life, always there, but never truly belonging? Blake had wanted her in his son’s life before. But how long would it last? What happened when he remarried? Surely his next wife wouldn’t want her around any more than his last one had.
There were no easy answers.
“So you’re going to do it.” Deidre shook her head as she came back into the room.
“I have to.” Bella wished her friend would understand.
“You’re going to miss a fabulous summer here. A friend of my brother works the door at that new club everyone has been talking about. He said he can get us in whenever we want.”
Disappointment stirred. The reason she’d stayed in New York City was so she could enjoy being young and not have to be responsible for anyone but herself. Last summer she’d been pregnant, so this year she’d been looking forward to dancing the night away at the clubs. Sleeping late. Reading in the park. Being Drew’s nanny meant she wouldn’t get to do any of that.
But she’d have a week in the Caribbean to look forward to. And she had to help her sister.
“That club sounds like it’s going to be so much fun. I wish I could be here to enjoy it with you.”
“Then tell Blake to forget it. You don’t have to make everyone around you happy all the time.”
“I know that.”
“But you never put yourself first. Does your family even appreciate all the things you do for them?”
Bella’s spine stiffened. “They aren’t taking advantage of me.” This wasn’t the first time Deidre had criticized her for helping her family. Being an only child, she didn’t understand why Bella couldn’t ignore that her family needed her help. She might feel anxious about working for Blake this summer, but she was willing to do it for Katie. “Look, if I can help my sister and go to the British Virgin Islands later this year, it will be worth spending a couple months as Drew’s nanny.”