“What you do is important,” he said in a determined whisper.
Shane’s voice stopped her steps. It broke into the silence and dragged her back to the present. Had her spinning around. “What?”
“The work you do on the website.” Shane dropped his keys on the table next to the small couch. “It matters.”
This from the man who’d tried to talk her into leaving and had insisted she’d been foolish to help out there in the first place. She tried to put all the pieces together in her head and balance them against his comments now, and none of it made any sense.
“I don’t understand what’s happening.” She stood frozen to the floor, staring at him.
“When you told me I wasn’t supportive, you were right.” He sat on the armrest. “I should have been, and I messed up. Meeting these guys...” Shane shook his head. “They’re jerks and they should be exposed. They deserve whatever fallout comes to them and should not be able to just walk around as if nothing happened. You make sure that happens. You.”
The heartfelt apology tugged at her. After everything that had happened and the exhaustion threatening to suck her under, she knew she should accept his words and duck into the other room. Get a little perspective and tighten the control. Rebuild the walls that held her back from saying too much. Her life kept rolling out in front of her, and now it included fear and danger, and she couldn’t catch up no matter how fast she ran.
“I’ve spent my whole life trying to live up to Holt.” The words spilled out and there was no way to call them back.
Shane frowned. “What does that mean?”
“He’s always known what he wanted to do. He fights bad guys. He’s not afraid or unclear.” She loved Holt. He was a great big brother, but his greatness only served to highlight her flailing and years of uncertainty. “I’m the opposite. I bounced around colleges and jobs. I’ve never known what I wanted or how to get it. A path is so clear for other people, but not me.”
“Not for everyone.”
She noticed he didn’t exclude himself. She got that. The military had been an escape hatch for him. His marriage had been about hope, not love. He viewed himself as so complex, but she saw through it all. She’d spent so much time deciphering him and his actions that little surprised her now.
But she knew her life, her choices, weren’t as understandable to him. “The website was just one piece, and with it my life started falling into place.”
Shane stood up and walked over until he stopped in front of her. “These insecurities you have. No one else sees you this way.”
He refused to see the flaws, but she didn’t have that luxury. “Ask my parents.”
“They are of a different generation. They have whatever baggage they have.” His hands rubbed up and down her arms. “Forget all that.”
If only the looks of disappointment and constant reminders about all she’d failed to do with her life were that easy to ignore. But she tried to pretend. “Fine.”
“You are this amazing woman. Beautiful, smart and focused.” One hand went to her shoulder, then into her hair. “The idea that you can’t see all you are and all you have to offer makes me want to shake some sense into you.”
“I need you to see me as more than Holt’s little sister.” The sentence summed up her fears. That he would always look at her and see braces. See someone younger who followed him around with this crush instead of a woman who loved him for who he was, the scary parts as well as the good ones.
“It’s a rough habit to break, but believe me when I say that is not how I view you anymore. Not the only way.” His hand went to the base of her neck and pulled her in closer.
“I need you to see me as a woman.” Her head dropped back, cradled in his hand. “Living, breathing, feeling woman.”
He didn’t hesitate. “I do.”
Relief had her gulping in breath. “I should have handled the website better. Protected my privacy and weighed the risks. I know I rushed in.”
“You wanted to help.” His gaze searched her face. “That is not a bad thing.”
Every word he said, every touch, drove her feelings for him even deeper. She’d fought for acceptance her entire life. Her difficult parents had given up expecting things from her. Holt thought their overbearing nature was the worst, but their not even caring enough to fight about it ranked as the worst.
But Shane stood there, so open and loving, and told her she mattered. He accepted who she was, the uncertain parts and the focused ones. He didn’t judge. Unless the other night had been an aberration, he didn’t let any part of her past color how much he wanted her now. The words were freeing, and she grabbed on to them. Wrapped herself in that warm look he kept throwing her.