On top of all that, right now she needed both Noah and her brother to keep her safe. If things blew up between them, Noah had been afraid she’d be reluctant to turn to him.
Keeping her safe mattered more than his wounded feelings, his ambitions, his business. He would do anything for her.
Including marry her? Wasn’t that what she had accused him of this morning? Making that stupid announcement out of misguided chivalry rather than love and commitment?
Circling back to his own idiocy and insensitivity was all too easy. He made love to her with blistering desire and enjoyed her company at the dinner and breakfast table. But he distinctly remembered telling her he didn’t see himself as a family man. He hadn’t so much as hinted at a future. And even this morning, the words I love you had stuck in his throat.
How could she not be shocked by his declaration? And why would she think for a minute that he actually wanted her and her alone till death do them part?
No, he still had no idea whether she had any interest in a future with him. The tightening in his belly and chest had him bowing his head, elbows braced on his knees. God! What this debacle meant was he’d have to lay himself open again. Invite her to hurt him.
And that was what he’d never wanted. The lesson was one only Cait could teach him. With a ferocity that stunned him, he had discovered that he wanted a woman to love and to love him, even children. The trust it took to get there was where he faltered.
Which was probably why those three all-important words had stuck in his throat.
Oh, hell, he thought. Waiting was no longer an option. Neither was sulking. He had to talk to her; he had to be honest.
He had to get her alone first, in the middle of city hall, where they were already the subject of too many whispers.
* * *
CAIT TURNED DOWN his offer to take her to lunch. She was burningly, painfully aware of appearances. It was like having to get dressed and go to work despite being fiery red and blistering head to toe from having forgotten suntan lotion during a day on the water.
In a way, she thought miserably, that’s exactly what she’d done—let herself forget to take any precaution. How could she have plunged from the disaster of her last romantic relationship into this one?
And why did this hurt so much worse?
She felt even more singed every time she remembered Noah’s cool declaration.
This is a little more than the two of us sleeping together. Cait has agreed to marry me.
And, yes, she had behaved badly. She knew he’d said that to protect her. She should be touched instead of hurt, shouldn’t she?
All she could think when he called was I’m not ready.
Of course, they had to talk before George spread the word and people started wanting to congratulate her, commiserate with her or demand explanations.
Cait cringed. Colin would definitely fall into the latter category. Oh, Lord—no matter what, she’d have to tell him so he wasn’t blindsided. She didn’t even want to think about what would happen if he and Noah came face-to-face right now.
I could call Colin and ask him to pick me up after work. She could live for one night without anything in her bag—um, except for her birth control pills, she realized. They were kind of significant right now, given how sexually active she’d been this past week.
Anyway—remember how it felt when Noah seemed to be dodging her? Didn’t her resolve to start over include the determination that she’d never be a coward again?
The drive to Colin’s would take just about the right length of time for Cait to tell Noah about Blake. She had to get that out of the way, to find out how he’d look at her once she let him see beneath the shell of confident, professional woman to the weakling inside.
* * *
SHE WAS READY to go when Noah stopped by her office at five. He was frowning and reserved. The comparison with his laughing, sexy, sated expression that morning after they’d made love was painful.
They walked silently down the hall and joined other people in the elevator. He looked just grim enough to keep anyone else from trying to make conversation.
In the parking garage, he stayed right at her side. Cait felt peculiar. Engines were starting up around them, brakes squealing, even the click of her heels echoing. Ahead, through the gated exit, she could see out to the heavy traffic on the street. It all felt and sounded…distant, as if the two of them were in a bubble. Too bad the atmosphere wasn’t quite breathable in there.